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141,494 Literary Works • 674,533 Reviews
(fy enw i yw is welsh for 'my name is')
text version:
fy enw i yw // my name is
i understand it now, that feeling
that sinking in the gut of my being
that hole that eats and eats
that sheep that bleats and bleats
when i was born they gave me a name
and now i shake it off like
a dog shaking rain from its wet coat
a dog pining for love at the foot of the stairwell
the front porch drenched from a storm that
i did not invite in
and when i shed that name i lock it up
and when i throw up i can taste it
dainty and bland like petals
plucked from my stem
on the internet i have no name
on the internet i have no body
but still my intestines twist
each end in the bloodying hands of
a little girl learning how to skip
a little girl chewing at her lip
and when she swings the rope
i come undone like a loose thread that
you pull from your sweater
you pull from my sweater
uh oh, a Butterfly has landed to consume your work !
hellooo juke here, I’ll be using the butterfly review template to review your work as part of Team Butterflies this Review Day! (muahaha that’s right rev, i’m using your own template against you)
let’s dive into it !
The Egg
i think the first thing that really smacked me in the face here (in a good way) was the Welsh title, i love pieces of work that incorporate different languages because it gives their piece a lot more depth. some might say that the poem as a whole would be more effective if you swapped the first two stanzas’ order, but imo they’re fine the way they are ! in fact, the 2nd stanza kind of explains the 1st, if that makes sense (?) like you set up this foundation in which you (the narrator) describe this innermost gut-wrenching feeling, and then transition it into an almost-explanation of why you felt that way. am i spewing nonsense ? maybe ! but that’s just my interpretation.
The Caterpillar Hatches
the line
really stuck to me and its not only because i’m pretty sure this is where you introduce the cultural bit. though i’m not Welsh (as i suspect you are, unless this is another narrator’s view and doesn’t come from personal experience ? please lmk <3) i can connect to the feeling of being … well … what’s the word for it ? a bit embarrassed of your own culture, and i think that verse really expresses that theme in such a subtle but effective way, which is what caught my eye about it. sometimes when i read poems the authors take too long to get to the point or draw out the main theme - and that can be a good thing, sometimes ! but i feel like with this kind of piece it was necessary to drop us a hint as to why you named the poem the way you did, and i think you did a v. good job with that
Growing & Molting
this sort of goes hand-in-hand with the structure of the piece, which is why i chose to omit the ‘Spinning the Chrysalis’ part, but the pace of the piece is also v. well-done. not too slow, not too fast, and the repetition you use throughout the poem is effective.
The Transformation
i have not much to suggest except for this:
i understand that you’re trying to maintain the repetition here, but the effect you were going for upon using this line didn’t really resonate with me because of the wording. maybe change it to look a bit like
or
in order to keep the flow going while simultaneously keeping that lovely repetition in there ? idk, there’s just something about the verse that seems awkward to me, and I feel like you could’ve topped off the ending with a better word choice
idk that’s just my opinion :’)
Wings Taking Shape
besides the last two lines I mentioned earlier, I think the strongest bit of this would be the ending; the graphic words (“bloodying”, “intestines,” “twist,”) you contrast with the picture of an innocent little girl clash together v. well and to me, that’s what crowned the poem
Breaking Free
i’m … pretty sure I just mentioned this above ?? : D but yeah the ending was my most favorite part
First Flight
overall, this was absolutely beautiful ! you captured the theme you were going for perfectly and your writing style is impeccable and makes this a joy to read.
Favorite Nectar
i have a lot of fav lines from this, but a few that stuck out to me were
never stop writing !!!! <33
~Juke/Chantray 🪭
thank you so much Juke! This was a great review, and I understand and agree with all your suggestions! I'm not Welsh, but i have lived in Wales for a while and feel connected to the culture, and was talking with a friend about our names (i have a very english first name which i hated for a long time, and she has a very welsh first name that she hated for a long time) and about how we both chose different, cooler, non-gendered names when we use online platforms, so that was sort of the beginning info for it!
ohhh i see haha !! that makes sense : D what a cool thing to write a poem about XD