the mess of me

text version:

the mess of me

when i turn the page, my heart hurts
a dull ache that i think you know well
i feel a prick in the corner of my eyes
but i don’t cry. you know why, you gave me
these eyes.

when i am finished i press my nose into
the crook of the book and inhale until
i run out of breath and the ache goes
away. there are words in here that i know too
because you taught me them.

when i unbury my face i slot the book
onto the space i have made for you on
a shelf in the living room of my own
house. i let you stay because even though
i am grown, you are the one who grew me.

I really enjoyed this poem. The book works really well as the central image. The final lines give the poem a strong sense of closure and recontextualize the book as something the narrator is carrying forward rather than simply mourning. I appreciate how quietly the poem handles grief; it never feels like it is trying to tell the reader what to feel.

I think the poem is strongest when it trusts those images to carry the emotion. A few lines could be tightened, particularly around “when i am finished” and the description of running out of breath, since the idea of using the book to make the ache disappear is already strong on its own. The repetition of “you know” and “you gave me” works well in establishing intimacy, though there may be room to make some of those lines more understated.

Thank you for this read.