Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic


The Cane

by reowine


Nothing is more loyal
Than the bent face of a cane,
Allowing old fathers to rest
Their shivering hands upon it.
 
Tall and rounded like a noble flamingo,
Or standing on four feet
With firm rubber toes.
 
It is polished cherry wood floor
To hospital kitchen counter steel.
A symbol of the gentleman
An elegant dancing partner.
 
Decorated with feathers,
It is a rite of passage.
A weapon of aggression.
An escort for protection.
 
More youthful than a crutch
More hopeful than a wheelchair.
All can enjoy the fog of gentle mornings
Through a stroll with the cane.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
117 Reviews


Points: 4007
Reviews: 117

Donate
Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:54 am
ChildOfNowhere wrote a review...



Hello there!
I will be reviewing for you tonight.. I'm not a poet myself, so I can't offer you much expertees, but I can tell you what I found good or less good.

First off, the title. I must say, it intrigued me at the first glance, and I was thrilled to see it was not a metaphor. I don't read much poetry, but I haven't came across this kind of poem so far, and I like to like my firsts xD

I grow fond of the Cane, as if it's a person, a character in a story, someone I might talk to. I love the words you used, the style figures, and the way you seemed to get into Cane's character, not quite giving it emotions yet making the readers sympathetic towards it, huh.


Decorated with feathers,
It is a rite of passage.
A weapon of aggression.
An escort for protection.


This is by far my favourite part.
It flows so nicely, last two lines especially, and it gave me this certain feeling, kind of dark and not quite describable, huh. I like getting undescribable feelings form the poems I read, though, that usually means that I liked them enough to write a praising review such as this one.

Well, this was short compared to how I usually review, yet I hope it helped at least a little. I liked the poem very much, the idea itself and the way you put it, the imagery you used and the style of whole together. So, as I know you will, keep writing :3

Kind regards,
Aria~




User avatar
96 Reviews


Points: 4980
Reviews: 96

Donate
Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:32 am
noninjaes wrote a review...



Hallo there, I'm here to review your poem for you today. (The title certainly drew me in.)

When reading this poem, the thing that stood out the most was the figurative language. Your usage of it was excellent and certainly helped convey your ideas in an interesting and splendid manner. The simile I like the most was this one "Tall and rounded like a noble flamingo,". It certainly made me laugh as it isn't often that you see something compared to a flamingo.

You flow is rather neat, though it is obvious that it isn't an important part of this poem. I also have no qualms about your grammar. Your grammar style is nice and consistent, and rather clean. It neatly matches the overall style of the poem which certainly is a good thing.

My favourite stanza is as such.

"It is polished cherry wood floor
To hospital kitchen counter steel.
A symbol of the gentleman
An elegant dancing partner."

Though, I did at first find the last line of that stanza rather curious. Though, with a bit of thought I figured out what it means. (For some poems, the whole point of certain wordings is to make the reader stop and really think about what it means.)

In the fourth stanza, I liked how you mentioned it as a weapon. That made me laugh at the thought of an old man shaking it at some rowdy kids to get off his lawn. :)

I certainly also like the final stanza and how you pair it with different ideals in old age. Such as how it is more hopeful than a wheelchair. Though most of all, I like how you brought it down to a simple stroll in the morning.

So, as always, keep writing! I hope to read some more of your works soon.
- noninjaspresent >(> ==)>*




User avatar
36 Reviews


Points: 2330
Reviews: 36

Donate
Fri Feb 22, 2013 5:47 pm
KylaThompson wrote a review...



Hello my name is Kyla, and I'm here to leave you a review. :)

I haven't heard one like this before, but I really enjoyed reading. I think it needed some commas, but it still flowed quite smoothly. I found it entertaining when you mentioned "A weapon of aggression. An escort for protection". I also really like "A symbol of the gentleman An elegant dancing partner". I definitely agree with it though, it holds the truth.

I love how it is straight forward; You made your point. I love how it is described. Even though I'm just in high school, my opinion might not be of much interest to others but I still enjoyed your poem.




reowine says...


Why thank you very much!!




Oh yeah. Blame it on the assistants Jack.
— David Letterman