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140,479 Literary Works • 673,245 Reviews
Hi Reowine,
I like your poem but the title seem to be not really suit with the 'body'.His( considered as a rat) does not show any attitude control of the situation or others.What you describe here in your poem is just how he act like someone who likes to destroy things around.maybe you should take care of the title too because it represent the whole messages you wanna tell the reader.
The sounds of the words of themselves are delightfully musical, and feel well suited to be spoken out loud. However the sentences, especially the visual, read more like prose than poetry (which doesn't really bother me, although it makes some of the line breaks come in strange places and feels/looks rather disconcerting). And while the musicality and sounds of the words are highly appealing, the adjectives get excessive and, especially visually, detract from the overall meaning of the poem (sort of hiding it behind the words rather than pulling it out with the words).
The second stanza is a little wordy and cumbersome, specifically "he still sometimes thinks about stealing those enticing eggs" -- the alliteration and the double gerund definitely slow the reader down (quite a mouth/eyeful!)
Overall, a nice little poem with great potential to grow(: