Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Script » Realistic


This Is Not A Love Story

by Plume


EXT. PARK - DAY


An everyday park. It’s got a playset somewhere, and a small grove of trees and some picnic tables. At

one picnic table sits AXEL (male, 16). From afar, MIA (female, 17) approaches, carrying a small parcel 

under her arm. As she comes in the vicinity, Axel stands up.


AXEL
Mia. Hi. 


MIA
Axel. Hey. 


The tension is palpable. They have a history— though it is unclear what kind of history it is.


AXEL
So.


MIA
Soooo.


Silence.


MIA
The ball’s in your court, so to speak. I’ve said everything I want to say.


Axel considers, then starts to talk.


AXEL
I liked it. The letter, I mean. I think… well. I knew you were a writer, I just… I didn’t know you were… 

yeah. 


MIA
Yeah, well. There was a reason it was a letter.


AXEL
Hmm?


MIA
You’re the one who insists on an in person meeting. You know how hard it is for me to be here now, 

facing you? All I want to do is run over and climb that tree over there like I’m being chased by freaking 

wargs. I can’t… it’s not easy to face you.


AXEL
Yeah, um. There was a reason for the whole in-person thing.


MIA
Can’t really slap me for what I said over text, right? You also could have sent a carrier pigeon. Would 

not have said no to that. 


AXEL
Can’t kiss over text, either. 


Mia’s eyes widen. She looks surprised, but not a pretty sort of surprise— it’s like someone just insulted 

her, a sort of offended, confused, did you really just say that? look. 


MIA
I beg your pardon?


AXEL
I said—


MIA
I heard what you said. I just… was not expecting it. 


AXEL
Why not?


MIA
Because—


She incredulously struggles for words. 


MIA
Because I leave you on read for a year and then out of the blue send you a letter baring my entire heart 

for you to see without even considering how you felt at all and just… this is all you do? This is all you 

want to do? 


AXEL
I thought— I thought you wanted to, too.


MIA
How can you not hate me, Axel? Are you really that good? How can you not want to— How can you 

stand there and just— just—!


AXEL
Mia, I can’t— you’re confusing me.


Mia snorts. 


MIA
I’m—! I’m confusing you? I’m confusing me, Axel! This wasn’t— you weren’t supposed to want me. 


AXEL
Why not?

MIA
Because! Because I suck at relationships. Because my stupid self can never date anyone. I don’t— I 

don’t think I like you like that.


AXEL
That’s not what you said in your letter.


MIA
I never should have sent that. 


AXEL
But you did.


MIA
And I regret it!! I could have left you on read again. I could have forgotten you and gone to college and 

then maybe sometime in the future I’d see your name on some scientific paper or see you interviewed 

on the news or something. And maybe you could’ve seen me winning an award at the Oscars, or… as

an extra in some streaming service original show. And all we’d be to each other is a yearbook picture 

with memories. But instead I had to screw it all up. As always. Per the usual. You know, before I sent it, 

I gave this whole monologue to the mailbox. Definitely Oscar-winning. Very theatrical stuff. And you 

know what music they’d be playing in the background? Violins. Loud, screechy violins, because I was 

about to make the biggest mistake of my life. 


AXEL
So what? You’re just going to stand here and reject me? After you started all of this?


MIA
I guess so, yeah. It’s not— look. Don’t get me wrong. You’re a great guy. Really great. I wouldn’t have 

sent that letter if I didn’t think it was worth it to tell you how I felt. Or used to feel, I guess. But I respect 

you enough to not lie to you. 


AXEL
Hm.


His face is impassive, the sort of indifference that really means sadness but you can’t show it. Mia 

picks up on it.


MIA
If you start crying right now, I swear, I will flip this picnic table.


AXEL
I think they’re nailed to the ground. But I would like to see you try to do that.


MIA
Well. Don’t start crying because I said it. 


AXEL
No promises. 


He starts exaggerating the sadness, pouting like a small child. Mia laughs, before realizing that no, this 

is what she didn’t want to happen. She can’t fall back into her old habits again. She sobers. It is 

awkward again.


AXEL
So. What’s that?


He points to the package in her hand.


MIA
Hm? Oh, this? 


She gives it a shake. It makes a dry noise, like a rainstick.


MIA
Giant box of Nerds. Wrapped in tinfoil. Hoped they’d, uh… sweeten me breaking the news. Or act as a 

nice parting gift. Or an apology. I don’t know anymore… They’re a peace offering.


AXEL
Oh. Thank you.


MIA
So. Here you go.


As Mia hands Axel the gift, he reaches out sharply and grabs her arm. Pulling her in, he kisses her. It is 

not a good kiss. It is awkward. Axel is enjoying it too much, Mia too little. She pulls away after a few 

seconds. 


MIA
Okay. Yeah. Yep. I am definitely not in love with you anymore. But also: what the hell?

AXEL
What?


MIA
Why’d you do that?


AXEL
I… I don’t know. I just wanted to know what it felt like.


MIA
Bad. It feels bad. 


AXEL
Yeah. I know.


Once again, awkward silence.


MIA
Welp. Make a duck out of the tinfoil for me. Like I always used to do.


Axel laughs one of those too-loud, trying-too-hard-to-diffuse-tension laughs.


AXEL
I’ll recycle it too. Do a trick shot into the bin, like the ones you never could do.


MIA
I’m a writer, not a basketball star. Sorry my athleticism doesn’t live up to your standards. Or not, 

actually. I just… I don’t know. 


AXEL
Don’t know what?


MIA
Anything. 


AXEL
Yeah. Okay.


Mia takes out her phone. She looks at it. Puts it back in her pocket. 


MIA
I’ve got to go. It’s getting late. Or… longer than I expected. I’ve got… homework. You know.


AXEL
Yeah. Me too. 


MIA
See you… sometime. I guess.


AXEL
Yeah. Yeah, I guess.


Mia turns and walks away. Axel watches her depart.


END SCENE


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
15 Reviews


Points: 107
Reviews: 15

Donate
Fri Dec 02, 2022 3:59 pm
ccarson wrote a review...



-C. Carson speaking

GOOD THINGS:
One major plus is the use of proper terms like EXT.(exterior). This story is easy to follow in my opinion, and somewhat entertaining.

BAD THINGS:
Personally, I would use * to indicate actions(*Like this*) and " to indicate speech("like this"). You are missing the camera angle commands.

-Corp. Cleo Carson
-[REDACTED] County Sheriff's Office




Plume says...


Thanks for the review! On the camera angles critique-- they're missing for a reason! Generally, the camera angles used when filming are up to the director rather than the screenwriter, so you're not technically supposed to include them unless absolutely necessary. And on the actions vs speech, normally the margins on each would be different, but this site doesn't let me do that. Once again, thank you for the review, and welcome to the website!



ccarson says...


No problem! Happy writing!



User avatar
144 Reviews


Points: 12365
Reviews: 144

Donate
Sun Sep 25, 2022 1:35 am
View Likes
Spearmint wrote a review...



Hiya Plume, mint here with a review! ^-^
I like the concept of this not being a love story-- I feel like songs can cover a wide range of topics within romance, from first love to breakups, but somehow stories don't often end with failed relationships. People like happy endings, I suppose. (*coughs* people including me >.> xD) But in this case, I appreciate how you explored this gritty, realistic end to a relationship.

Like RandomTalks mentioned, both of these characters seem lost in a way, and confused as to what they want. My favorite part of this piece would have to be Mia's mini monologue with the yearbook line. Her inner conflict and frustration really show, and I feel like there was a good buildup to this outpouring of emotions. Poor girl probably needs a camping trip or self-care time to unwind and figure things out. :')

I'm also pretty curious as to how/why this relationship ended. It seems like Mia left Axel on read, but was there a reason for that? Maybe she wasn't ready for a serious relationship? Hmm. I also really like how there isn't a clear right path here. There isn't a monster to defeat or a mystery to solve... just two imperfect teenagers having an imperfect conversation.

Alright, and on to some specifics...

AXEL
Mia. Hi.


MIA
Axel. Hey.

LOL yes, I can feel the awkwardness. xD

She looks surprised, but not a pretty sort of surprise— it’s like someone just insulted
her, a sort of offended, confused, did you really just say that? look.

This line makes me wonder what it'd be like if the narrator was a character as well. =P Would they have any thoughts on this relationship, or would they be impartial? How would this script change based on who's telling the story?

I’m confusing me, Axel!

Honestly, this kind of sums it up. xD

He starts exaggerating the sadness, pouting like a small child. Mia laughs, before realizing that no, this is what she didn’t want to happen. She can’t fall back into her old habits again. She sobers. It is awkward again.

Aww. :/ It seems like they did have some fun moments together. But now... I assume the awkwardness would make it difficult for them to even be friends?

It’s getting late. Or… longer than I expected.

This doesn't quite make sense to me-- maybe "later than I expected" or "this is taking longer than I expected" would work? Unless it's intentional and to show Mia's flusteredness, in which case it works nicely. ^^

MIA
See you… sometime. I guess.


AXEL
Yeah. Yeah, I guess.


Mia turns and walks away. Axel watches her depart.

Ooh, interesting. This ending kind of leaves the reader unfulfilled, in a way. It gives this piece the vibe of a glimpse into these characters' lives, or maybe like one scene of a movie. There is a note of finality too, though, and I'm just left hoping that both of these teenagers can be happier in the future. :')

Overall, excellent job on this piece, and I hope you keep writing! Have a wonderful day/night! =D




Plume says...


aaaa mint thank you so much for the review!! Sorry I didn't give you the happy ending you wanted, but that's just how life goes, I guess! Once again, I loved hearing your thoughts; thank you so so much ^-^



Spearmint says...


of course!! ^^ And don't be sorry lol; it was awesome! :] <3



User avatar
616 Reviews


Points: 70264
Reviews: 616

Donate
Mon Sep 19, 2022 8:03 pm
View Likes
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I liked reading this! I liked the fact that you stuck to the title of your story and presented us with something unconventional and yet, something very realistic at the same time. This was most definitely not a love story, but rather a story about two individuals who seem to be very lost to me somehow.

I loved your characterizations! Your characters were very believable and I liked how their personality is reflected in their dialogues. In Mia's words, there was a kind of assertiveness which suggests that she is a person who is very much capable of directing her own life. I did have a feeling that she is confused about what she wants in life, but she is not afraid of making mistakes on the road to realization. Her confidence is admirable as is her head-strong personality. In Axel's dialogues, however, there is a kind of light humor which corresponds well with Mia's no-nonsense attitude. We learn less about Axel than we do about Mia, but the single conversation was enough to give us an idea about both of these characters.

I wasn't exactly sure which character I was supposed to root for throughout the script. As I have already said, they both seem like very lost individuals to me who do not know what they want from life. For some reason, I did not really feel the love or the connection between them and I cannot tell if that was intentional. I was a little confused why Mia suddenly felt the need to send the text to Axel baring her heart, implying that she likes him. Maybe she was seeking a resolution of some kind or maybe it took an in-person meeting for her to realize that she does not feel that way for him anymore. However, she did not seem as preoccupied with her feelings for him as she did with her feelings in general. She seemed to be very confused, which made me wonder if the impromptu text was a result of some deeper conflict she was experiencing in life at that moment. She is aware of her own deeds though, and she chooses to ignore their consequences on the other person as she herself admits. It makes me wonder what exactly she was hoping to get out of the meeting. She did seem to be more calm and in control once she had made it clear to Axel that they were not happening. Maybe all she needed was to exert her assertion and feel sure and confident about something in her life. Although, I really am just grasping at straws here!

It was a little more difficult to understand Axel because we don't really get to hear his side or hear his reasonings for his actions. His total forgiveness of Mia's absence for a year and his willingness to ignore everything made him seem to be an avoider in life. Because this is a script based totally on dialogue, it is difficult to guess where both of these people are coming from. Maybe, he'd had something going on in his life as well, and maybe he thought that jumping into a relationship with Mia once again would help him with that. When he kissed her suddenly without her consent, it did not seem to be out of love or a test of whether the connection still existed between them. Rather it felt like an attempt to coerce Mia into surrendering to the relationship he wanted for them. However, I think the kiss made them both realize that this was not going to happen for them. It did provide a resolution in the sense that it showed both of them that they need to sort out their lives first.

Now that I am done with my rambling interpretations, let's move on to a few specifics:

All I want to do is run over and climb that tree over there like I’m being chased by freaking wargs.

You use the word 'over' twice in the same sentence and it can sound a little repetitive. Maybe switch the first one with 'away', so that it reads: All I want to do is run away and climb that tree over there like I’m being chased by freaking wargs."

Welp. Make a duck out of the tinfoil for me. Like I always used to do.

Did you really mean to write 'welp' here or was it supposed to be 'well'? I can't tell!

And all we’d be to each other is a yearbook picture with memories.

I really loved this line for some reason!! There is a nostalgia contained in this sentence which makes me wonder if the reason for the entire meeting is because they feel comfortable enough with each other to take chances and makes mistakes. When Mia goes on to say that she always screws up, it hits really hard because we can feel the frustration in her monologue. Once again, it hints that this whole thing is not about their relationship but about them as individuals who are trying to find their way.

AXEL
Don’t know what?

MIA
Anything.

AXEL
Yeah. Okay.

The ending felt a little rushed to me. Especially in this part, it seemed that Mia was trying to express herself and was on the verge of saying something. However, she breaks off in the middle or thought and Axels dismissing response seemed a little too callous for the situation. The fact that the script ends soon afterwards made it seem a little incomplete and rushed.

I was also a little annoyed when Axel completely invalidated Mia's speech and proceeded to kiss her anyways. Now, I am not saying that these characters are unlikeable. They are realistic which makes them more relatable even if we cannot condone all of their actions or decisions. We can identify with their mistakes and their lapses in judgement and we can connect with the characters because of their shortcomings. Both of them are very young and in the process of finding themselves and I thought this was a very good and realistic portrayal of the confusion and frustration that it usually involves!

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your review!! I think your point about it being abrupt is very true; I have been known to do that! And your analysis was really spot-on; I appreciated all the thoughts you had about their characters!

I wasn't exactly sure which character I was supposed to root for throughout the script. As I have already said, they both seem like very lost individuals to me who do not know what they want from life.


Yup, that's exactly it. When writing this, I really wanted to sort of break that typical high school rom-com vibe with the dorky yet somehow effortlessly perfect girl and the really cool guy who always have the simultaneously happiest and most drama-filled relationship. Mia is kind of leading Axel on in a way, but acknowledges that she's wrong, but mostly confused, and then Axel makes some not-so-great spur-of-the-moment decisions. Neither of them are written to be likable, just realistic, because they are teenagers who make poor life choices occasionally. (Though I will say their low likability is also kind of on me for showing them at their lowest points here.) And I'm really glad you said that you were annoyed with Axel about the kiss; you should be! Essentially, you're not rooting for anything; you're rooting against their relationship.

Did you really mean to write 'welp' here or was it supposed to be 'well'?


Yeah, I did! Believe or not, it's an actual word in the dictionary; it's just kind of a slang way of saying "well." I use it wayyyy too much, myself.

Once again, I loved hearing your thoughts! Thank you so much for this super in-depth review!



RandomTalks says...


You are welcome and thank you for the reply! And I was definitely very curious about the 'welp'!




Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
— Brené Brown