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by Rosendorn

Published January 10, 2015

16+ Violence Mature Content

In Cat Steps

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

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Comments & reviews · 6
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Virgil
Review
Virgil wrote a review Review · Jul 30, 2017

Well I can't say I'm not glad that this is one of your shorter chapters, Lima Bean! This is Nikayla here dropping in for another review on this lovely Review Day! Without further ado, let's jump right in.

There was no point in closing the servants’ entrance to my room. I’d been in and out of it five times in a day and a half. Wrenching it open the first two times had made my fingertips raw and put strain on already tender shoulders. If I hadn’t been bruised from having two people pile on me while rolling, it most certainly was bruised now.


I can't tell if I'm bugged by the actual writing here or if I have a preference to writing that isn't in the first person. I love what you do with the first person here but I feel this falls into telling again instead of showing. I also wanted to point out the word 'now' in the last sentence of this paragraph. I'm not sure if it makes sense? This is written in the past tense, yet 'now' is a word in the present tense. Perhaps change to 'then'? I'm not entirely sure on that, though.

As if to disprove her point, I already had that hand out, my left reaching for turmeric. When no bandage was forthcoming I paid attention and felt the disbelieving, pointed stare at my outstretched palm. A glance at her face revealed one of the most unamused looks I’d seen her wear in a very long time.


Tumeric! What wonders the herb does. Many different uses. I wanted to ask this because I've been totally in the dark--Kerani can heal...with magic? Naturally? Naturally and with magic? I haven't asked that question but I've been meaning to for each time that healing comes up. The word 'healing' in a fantasy world usually means magically, though I can't make assumptions about that. The magic system is still also something I'm not very aware of.

You're pretty good at making the threat of poison interesting. Poison in food at that. There's tension even for this when other novels usually fail at making the reader immersed or care so much about this. Only when the poison is revealed or when someone consumes/inhales/takes in the poison do things get serious. This doesn't do that. This is intense from the start.

It's not that everyone is apathetic in other novels or stories that include the substance, this just makes it feel so much more concerning because Kerani is worried too. The end of this chapter is a little awkward--maybe a more light-hearted or less deadpan response from Kerani would fix this. Maybe a laugh from her. It feels off to me at the moment, though. Can't wait to read more!

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

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Vervain
Review
Vervain wrote a review Review · Mar 20, 2016

Hey, Rosey! So I haven't read the rest of the reviews below me (besides Skins's fabulous gif), so pardon if I repeat them, as always.

Starting off, I'll give you a bit of a mechanics overview.

Something about your first paragraph feels a little awkward. I think part of it is your repetitious use of past perfect—I mean, you can't really avoid it very well with recapping the last couple of days, but with repeated past-perfect clauses and relatively short sentences, it becomes noticeable.

I slammed a glass lid down over the tray— my last one, to boot— with a wince.
I would revise the wording of this sentence. As it is now, it's unclear what Kerani is referring to when she says it's her "last one", whether it's the tray or the glass lid.

Aside from that, I have a bit of an issue with your description. I touched on this last time with Kerani's knives becoming sentient and floating into their sheaths, but a lot of your descriptions could be more exact, or at the very least more descriptive. You give us vague, bland words that I really don't know how to interpret, and some of it I feel is a product of trying to avoid the talking-heads issue you had earlier in the novel. For example:

Tools jostling as they roughly returned to their holsters. “Don’t tell me you’re not healing yourself…”
I snorted, purposely staying as neutral as possible while I walked to my bandages. “Then I won’t tell you that.”
Starting with the fragment of a first sentence, we don't get exact language, instead being told that Nitika is putting away "tools" of some sort. While I could forgive that, we then get told that Kerani is walking to her bandages—but we don't know where her bandages are, and we don't really have a good enough idea of what her rooms look like to infer that they're on a specific table, a counter, a shelf, or what have you. The second issue could be fixed as simply as "I walked to where I had left my bandages" or "I walked to the table where I had left my bandages", which would imply the point Kerani later states that she had been interrupted in the middle of redoing them.

I lowered my hand, dragging some of my energy away from the area I’d just left
Another victim of vague description—Kerani knows where she just came from, so she should be speaking in more exact terms than "area". This is the last one I'll touch on here, as there's another small issue that I have in this scene.

You have victims of vague description, and then you have victims of far-too-thorough description. I wish I could give you an exact happy medium to work into every scene and every emotion, but we both know that's not really possible; still, it's unnerving when we go from "Tools jostling" to this:
The kitchens were on the second story this time of year, as end of fall temperatures sunk in and the palace needed the kitchen’s heat as close to the noble floors as possible, even if the larger ovens were still on the ground floor.
What's wrong with that sentence? Besides the fact that it's a little unwieldy, I wouldn't call it an offender normally, except that this is supposed to be flatly focused Kerani. You've given us examples of Kerani's focus—in just the previous scene, actually—and while this might not be the same sort of panic, her informative tone makes me feel like she's pulling an As You Know on herself. She's explicitly narrating the location of the kitchens in long sentences in first person, and this might just be me, but it doesn't feel like a very fluid transition into the next part of the scene.

So that was the bad—how about the good? While I'm still a little impatient for things to get started, I feel like more progress is being made, with the implication that Kerani is going to start hunting the source of these poison attacks. After taking a long break from reading Cat Steps, of course, I'm really happy to jump back in and be glad that I'm seeing something happen again!

I do like the character of Nitika, but I have to question the number of characters you've introduced so far versus the number that have been used; it kind of feels like an epic fantasy cast setup, but it could definitely be saved with the progression of the plot. As always, I am looking forward to reading so much more from Kerani and the rest, and I can't wait to see what comes next! Keep writing!

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Sins
Review
Sins wrote a review Review · Mar 20, 2016

IT'S THE FINAL PART.

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(that you've posted)

I placed the tray down like there was gunpowder and two flints touching on the tray instead of simple tea and syrup-filled dough balls.

May just be me, but the repetition of tray read a bit awkwardly here. Love dough balls though, man.

So this time I have literally nothing to critique. I know I tend to say that, and then go on to conjure up something, no matter how dumb or small it is... but, like, nah. Kerani and Nitika's relationship was wonderfully realistic, and the contrast between them was both amusing and realistic. Watching them (well, reading, but you get the idea) argue over the way in which Kerani is dealing with her wounds. I'm really beginning to grow concerned over Kerani's general health, both physical and mental, and I kinda want to just tell her to give it five and have some green tea. She need not worry, I'll keep an eye on the assassination attempts and what not. While Kerani's emotions have felt a little static at times in the past, I really do empathise with her, so you're clearly doing something right!

Considering I'm incapable of conjuring up any critiques for this part, I think imma just highlight some stand-out things that apply to all of what I've read so far. Let me think I'm useful ok.

Clarity - Now generally speaking, you're good. For a novel as complex as this, with it being set in a world you've created, lots of politics, a diversity of characters e.t.c. the fact someone as confusable as me doesn't feel completely lost is impressive. Nonetheless, there are some aspects that are still a little unclear. The politics of everything is quite a big one, I think. For example, we know about the Rat, but we don't really know who they are and what they do exactly. How do they fit into things? We know there are people out to screw things up big time, but we don't know who they are or why they're doing it. I don't want to know all about this stuff because hey, I like me some mysteries to solve, but you've got to be careful not to make things too confusing. So yus, clarity sometimes pops up as an issue.

Getting inside Kerani's head - I think I said this in the last review, but basically, this can often read like a third person novel, just in first person. The main reason for that, I think, is because there can be a sense of disconnect from Kerani. I know she shuts off with her emotions, but even in regards to simply getting her reactions to things, thoughts e.t.c. it can be a little closed off. I'm obsessed with characters and characterisation, so bear in mind I probably am extra fussy, but I can't help craving more. As I noted in this review, I certainly care for Kerani, but I think the intensity and impact of what happens to her could really be amplified by digging deep into her mind.

Dialogue - I'm not sure how much I've mentioned this because it's been more of a background thing for me (I just wanted to add another point because 3 is a nice number), but you occasionally have a tendency to block a lot of dialogue together without much narrative in-between. It can also have quite a back and forth feel. Err, does that make sense? This is hardly a life-changing, enormous issue, but sometimes it's slightly distracting. The content of your dialogue is pretty much always great, particularly when it involves Kerani being the pile of sass that she is. It's just the occasional formatting issue making things come across as awkward, unrealistic e.t.c. I hope that has made some sense.

So yus, those three topics (for me) are the primary issues that have stood out to me over the past 2 chapters, mainly the clarity and delving into Kerani's head. The dialogue thing isn't such a big thing. As a whole though, in case you've yet to notice, I've thoroughly enjoyed reading what you have here. Your character dynamics are often wonderful, and all the technical stuff is brilliant. This world you've created is super fascinating too, and I love how complex it is (even if it can be a little confusing at times!)

I really want to ask you to send me the whole thing, but I know I won't be able to give you an even half worthy review due to the fact I have my end of year exams quickly approaching ft. laziness. If you end up posting more of this though, hit me the goddamn heck up. I'll be able to manage on a chapter by chapter basis. If not, I will attack you for this in summer when I have all the free time a Skins could wish for. Just a heads up there :P

Just ugh, ur awesome ok.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

That gif made me laugh out loud for a solid five minutes xD

I have 4 more parts to chapter 2! I'll probably keep posting it on a chapter by chapter basis if only because this draft is nowhere near done and I like to give myself breathing room. I'll probably end up pausing at chapter 3... cause I'm stuck

Enjoy the next part :P

windrattlestheblinds wrote a review Review · Mar 10, 2015

determined assassination attempts probably should not be funny, but i’m definitely giggling about “for the SIXTH time” because kerani just. seems so exasperated by it all. and the whole “fine then i’ll just LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN” thing.

this conversation between nitika and kerani feels solid to me. good magic:physical description radio. kerani seems grumpy, understandably so, and i like the clash of her frustration with the situation versus nitika’s frustration with her refusal/inability to adequately care for her wounds. and they both have valid points, here, which is the best kind of argument to read imo.

“Forgetting you’re injured to the point of not letting your body heal itself?”
I shrugged, trying not to shrink back under the relentless prodding. “It happens, sometimes.”
that’s *so* scary though. i mean. you know this. but kerani no you should not be so casual about forgetting to take care of yourself n O and, as i said in my previous review, given that this is only the second chapter? i’m vaguely terrified for what’s going to happen once things really start to pick up.

…so of course she immediately runs off again. she would.

(i’m not finding a lot to actually *critique* here, so apologies for the more… fannish response)

i do like this passage a lot, though, for all that kerani’s acting in ways that… aren’t… exactly sustainable or healthy. so far she’s been portrayed as almost hyper-competent, which she has to be given what she does, but seeing that balanced out with this very obvious bout of poor decision-making makes her feel a lot more like a sixteen-year-old, something that i’ve had to keep reminding myself because she seems older a lot of the time. and even laying that aside it feels like a very logical consequence of her already-established tendency to want to be in the thick of things and accomplishing something at all times.

also, i want to give her a hug or a cup of tea or SOMETHING nice.

anyway yes, a lot of my response to this section can be boiled down to “yay consequences!” and “kerani nooooooooo”, which is a good thing.

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Dracula
Review
Dracula wrote a review Review · Jan 25, 2015

Happy Review Day! I haven't read any previous parts, so this review will just be about nitpicks. Hopefully it will still be found helpful by you. :)

I’d been in and out of it five times in a day and a half.
The 'day and a half' added on is a bit too much, it doesn't flow nicely in my mind. I know this is not poetry but the flow is still important. You could round it to two days, which would sound better.

I would like to know more about the healing process. How does it feel when she heals herself? You gave the image of fresh blood, but is there anything else we can see which indicates her powers? Perhaps the room turns a shade brighter or something like that.

she poked the wound to get my attention.
Your main character didn't feel much pain after being poked in her wound. You might want to add some more emotion to that sentence.

Those are all the nitpicks I found, which is great for a chapter of this length. Well done! :)

For the first line you pointed out. I'm aware it's clunky, but it's clunky for a very specific reason: my character is meticulous about time (as evident by the "day and three quarters" a few lines down from that one), therefore she would keep very close track for how much time has passed. Rounding it up to the better flowing "two days" robs her of the characterization I purposely included to reveal her borderline obsessive tendencies.

As for powers. They are not traditional "magic" (the word "magic" doesn't actually show up in the document), so the healing process is simply allocating energy to healing or taking all the energy the body normally uses to heal and leaving wounds open. It's hard to tell if I should make that clearer or not, because I try to establish how healing and powers work in previous sections.

Finally, the last line. Kerani is a warrior. She has high pain tolerance. The fact her reaction is next to nothing is the whole point of that line.

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Nightshade21
Review
Nightshade21 wrote a review Review · Jan 25, 2015

Hi there Nightshade here to review. I'm sorry if I asked something or say something that you explained before im just jumping in. Now onto the review!

As for the cons(not really) I have some questions? Is she royal or just have important parents( thinking because of servants) Is she a knight or a fighter? due to the wounds and that fighter personality she gives off?

Now onto pros. I liked your word choice like

"“Can’t you sense what’s contaminated once you get into the kitchen?”

I liked this because it seemed really cool it keeps the readers attention because they want to know what's going on, and also what dose sensing means.

I also liked your imagery and how you never dull when explaining what's going on its all action pack.

I really liked your last sentence as well because you keep the readers attention like I said previously.

Other than that your an amazing writer and keep up the good work,
~Night

Questions are good! All of those are established previously in the story, but to give you your answers:

- She is royal, but her place in the hierarchy is complicated.
- She is a fighter, not a knight. Knights don't actually exist in this world because it's not based in Europe.

okay that makes a lot more sense and thanks for clearing it up :) it was a great story



Depression is messin with the wrong person over here cuz in the months that I was doing better I was sharpening my weapons for this war.
— Kaia