Young Writers Society

To be honest, seems kinda silly '_' Since when is it acceptable to kill 12 year old boys? Dude, where do you live? :p

Wow, this is really deep, I love it, I really hope you keep writing, You are really good at it. But yeah, all I can say is wow. But remember, our scars remind us that the past is real.

Timmy here

I am reviewing this solely on what you have in front of me, since I have no knowledge of the circumstances and murders you talk about. But murders and horrible things happen every day, so I am sure what you're talking about can be seen as more of a wide picture then just the cropped and zoomed picture of what you're giving us - more focused on an individual case than that of the many.

To me, this as a poem is almost nonexistent. The only thing that gave this a flow and said it was poetry was that you had the repetition throughout the first three lines. Besides that, if you just put this together as a comment or a super short article, it wouldn't have any poetic lines or meanings or flow.

This needs to be thought about, and each question you're asking, provide some image for the reader to grasp. So many aspects of poetry dwell on the picture we create in our minds, and what we see while we read your poem. As far as giving me something to grasp image-wise, you gave me pretty much nothing. And this topic you're addressing is not only emotional and powerful, but think about it: You're talking murder and killers walking among us in the free. There are so many emotion and picture-building words you could have added to this poem, to make it more. The emotions fell flat since all you said was the bare minimum, almost like you had a word limit - like "only so many words for this poem". Your message won't be worth as much to your reader if it doesn't evoke any emotion or pictures for them to grab hold of. So you're scared? That is one idea you could really utilize to make this poem have more power. Your readers want to know how you're scared. Basically, you told us everything in this poem, and you didn't show us even one thing. Try to show more, especially in poetry. Because beautiful descriptions not only make your readers swoon and cry (;_;), but it adds life and a backbone to your piece. Makes it whole.

where we put a man on trial for his own murder

i don't know how to live in this society

as a poem, this is meh
as a message, you couldnt be more right

lets put this on the spotlight shall we?

so true

This is a great poem for many reasons. First of all, it deals with current trials that have been showing that America's judicial system doesn't value the citizens that it protects as much as it should and lets police officers literally get away with murder. I liked how you didn't come right out and say what the cases were but made the poem so understandable that everyone knew. Even though this poem was very simple, it gave a lot of emotion that many people here are feeling right now. Worry, confusion, fright, and disbelief are all common emotions that we feel when we hear about these cases and you captured them all in only five lines. You didn't have any spelling errors or unintentional grammar, capitalization, and punctuation errors. This had a great meter and flow to it, as well. Great job on this! I don't have any corrections! I really like your writing style and I enjoy reading and reviewing your pieces. Keep them coming, Eli!

Hi!

Thanks so much for requesting a review! This is a short piece, but here are the few nitpicks I found:

The lack of punctuation and capitalization takes away from your poetry. It distracts away from the message. Try running through and capitalizing at least the word I.

I feel as though this is just a declaration instead of a poem. Where is the story? I feel like this could be much more pronounced and contain more controversy if the whole story was here and it was a little longer, containing more of your opinion oh how and why killers walk free among us. Maybe make it a short story instead?

I really enjoyed the way this is heading because it causes people to think, and I think with a little elbow grease this could be a superb piece of work! If you have any questions please ask!

xoxo,
Rascalover

First: I didn't see any mistakes besides your 2 I's at the end aren't capitalized.

Second: I like this a lot! You really showed your opinion in how todays society is and it is very true! Poetry is a very good way to get your feelings out, and you did very well! I'd like to here more on your opinion if you ever get to it!

AMAZING WORK:)

Okay, I just started crying because I've been following all these cases and you've made what I see as the only point. This society has a long way to go before anyone can really feel okay with the police when things like this happen. Thank you for bringing this topic up, it can't be swept under the rug anymore. Your feelings have been heard, and I pray the government hears it too.

Nitpicks: Capitalization, Question marks at the end of the first three lines.

Great poem, I loved it. It perfectly describes America's situation right now.