the doors of the cage are open
the mighty king steps into the savannah for the first time in
months.
his pride is there
but his queen is gone
but his children -- his children are there.
the king has returned to his kingdom.
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,622 Reviews
hello king of eli!
I'm not entirely sure why you chose the word "cage" in your opening line? If there's a point I'm missing then that might be on me, but it seems a bit misplaced unless you explain the importance of the cage. Also [block] but his children -- his children are there. [block/] you might want to use another word for "there" because it was already used two lines above and seems a bit repetitive. I did like the simplicity of the poem however, thank you for allowing me to review!
kitcat84
This poem leaves me wondering if this poem is even a poem. It sounds like it is more an introduction for a short story. I'm not saying you shouldn't write a poem but i think you should expand more on this one. you could use[quote] but his queen is gone.{/quote} as the climax of my story. But of course you can write what ever you want to write.
Hey Minty here for a review!
I like how you seperated the sentance into two lines, gave it more depth.I feel like I am missing sometihng for this... Is there a story behind this poem that I have not yet read? Because otherwise, you should put more details or story into this.
I personally really like this,
Again, I almost feel like I am on the outside of an inside joke, unless this is an amazingly deep symbol for someting that I am just not getting.
So, I like it, but I have no idea what is going on here.