I turn to Ally, who stares with the same expression as I do—not knowing where to look, so just looking at the entire place in a big blur. If only I could find the voice, and where it projects from. I’m sure I could find a screwdriver or maybe just kick the speaker in—anything I can do to stop the voice from invading this only private place I have. But the voice continues.
“Until now you have been told what your initial purpose is, and who this person beside you means in your future.”
I exchange sideline glances with Ally, who edges over in his seat. He doesn’t hide his discomfort at this arrangement, and neither do I. But we had pushed them to the background so we could talk—or not talk and merely sit idly. Now they resurface.
“Now that you know what your purpose is as a team, you will learn what you are meant to do once you become that Affinity.”
I bite my lip and tuck my body closer to me, even though I know it does nothing. To be mentioned as being one with this boy—this person I don’t even know, much less can stand being around—makes my blood chill. I just wish I could blast the bloody voice into oblivion.
“ARC was established over three hundred years ago, during a time of great conflict and trouble—directly during the outbreak of World War II. You know of this war as history, but we saw it as a reality and a call for us to rise. The world cannot survive without one government to unite all nations.”
Ally raises an eyebrow at me, and I return it—arching my own in a pitiful imitation. Both of mine lift at the same time, so it looks as though I am having a weird moment instead of agreeing with him.
As much as I know about World War II and the history around it, I know there were serious issues with the governments. At least I can still remember that part of history, although I couldn’t care less. Not like it’s a knowledge that means anything to me.
“ARC was begun to abolish all other governments, and bring the world into harmony—keeping it that way. The one unchanging government, where the world stays the same and we keep the people safe from themselves.”
Ally coughs beside me and shakes his head—almost like he knows what he’s hearing is rubbish. Even though something inside me says that he’s probably right, I don’t know. Everything the voice says seems to warm inside me, like sipping hot tea after coming in from the cold.
“You have now become a great part of this mission—this duty to free the world. To destroy the boundaries of the impossible, and unite the world together under one banner, and one power.”
Ally leans over in his chair, and rolls his eyes. “They expect us to believe this stuff? Seriously, we aren’t that stupid.”
I put a finger to my lips, wanting him to shut up. There’s nothing more annoying than a prattler while I’m trying to listen. But there are pauses in the voice after a few sentences, and it almost seems as though they planned that for the snide commenters.
“And so you have become an important part in this movement. This valiant endeavor to protect the world is only possible with the Affinity. From our beginning with the founders to now, ARC has remained the same. The One, the Selfless, the Affinity.”
Almost like a wave sweeping through the room, I feel the last words emanate and crash over me. But not in a way that prompts any gushy feelings. They slur together in my mind, overlapping and becoming too similar in sound. And yet their meaning still shows so clear. That Ally and I are going to be forced to become one over a period of time. I don’t want to know what the selfless part even means, much less think about. The whole bloody ordeal is giving me a headache, and even the sight of Ally beside me wants to reach out and just take out all my anger on his face. I don’t know why, since he hasn't done anything to upset me.
I curl my fists together and sit on them. No danger of punching him as long as they’re contained. The anger just festers up inside me, instead.
“So do you want to take a look around?” Ally’s voice is hesitant and edgy, but he seems to sense my irritation at everything—standing and moving away a few steps. Without thinking, I gauge the meter of a distance between us.
I blink steadily. “Do I want to—what?” Shaking my head, I fold my arms across my chest and sit back. “I don’t feel like doing anything today, tonight—whatever it is. Not even to get any food. Everything I see of this place just makes me angry.”
Ally looks me over, but mostly just taking in my posture. “Yeah, I can see that. Not even to just go and see how everything looks and works? I just don’t think we should sit here all day, not knowing what’s outside.”
“You’re welcome to take a look,” I say. “I’ll be here.”
He shrugs and starts for the door, but spins on his heel before rounding the corner. “You seriously don’t want to come—even for a look? Just to get a picture of everything?”
“Just go,” I say irritably. “Do I have to say this again? I don’t want to go.” I make a shooing gesture with my hands—a weird movement since he’s behind me now.
And so he does, shutting the door behind him with a subtle bang—showing his irritation with me, but still muffling the sound. I don’t care. If I don’t want to do something, there is no possible way he’s going to make me do it. Especially since he’s going on a field trip around a building I want no part of.
I stretch my legs out onto the couch, taking the entire thing for myself. There’s no blankets in sight, but not like I’d get up to grab one from across the room. All I feel like doing is lying here until someone makes me get up. Whether it be the voice, old whatshisface who lead me here—or even Ally.
Before I get fully settled in, and even before my head touches the pillow—not to sleep, but just to have a comfortable thing to lie against—the door to the outside opens.
Voices pester my ears from the open door, and at first I can’t place them, but Ally’s no-accent-at-all voice is too easy to recognize. The deeper guy sounds like the old goat who took me here. Their words jumble together in an unrecognizable mush, but I can tell Ally is frustrated.
I hear his sigh in frustration and the door closes once again—this time with him tripping over whatever-is on-the-floor to get back to me.
Before he comes around the corner, I realize with a lurch that I am still lying down, stretched out on the couch like a great big sausage. But I don’t care.
He put his hands in the jumpsuit pockets and gives me an annoyed look. “Ques says I can’t go out there until tomorrow. Says today is, um, Befriending Day or something.”
“Sounds stupid,” I say. “I don’t even want to talk to you.”
“Yeah, I know.” Ally scratches the back of his neck. “That’s why I thought it was a great idea, me getting out of your way.”
Something triggers inside me, and I feel a small measure of guilt. All I can think of is my own irritation, my own comfort. And here is this guy—who doesn’t even know me—trying to step gingerly about my attitude.
But the feeling, like all the others, fades away as fast as it arrived.
Author's note: Is this too much like a Hunger Games information moment?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Hello TimothyJake, I have come back to review more of your work! Mwahahaha! The only thing is that I didn't see any grammar issues that needed to be resolved, or anything else. This chapter is a really good one though, I smiled and laughed through it all. One question for you though - How long ago did you write this story? =)
Avery is of course my favorite, as well as Karsh who I cannot wait to see again =P Ally is cool too, he reminds me of my sister Annie xD
As for your Authors note - I don't remember the Hunger Games, watched #1 and #2 but I can't remember much cause it was almost a year ago that I watched the second one, and two since I watched the first. I think Gale was my favorite in both of them.
Anyways, enough of my blabbering on, down to the point - Your story is great and coming along very nicely. You should keep this story going! I'm gonna miss it when I don't have anymore ='(
Bye for now!
~Selina The Silent Bagpipe
xD Ally does? Gooood, now that's perfect. I'm happyyy you have someone he reminds you of - means I'm doing my job. I wrote this, ah, seven months ago? So a while, at least for me.
I am gonna miss all your reviews. ;_; Thank youu
xD Well if you would write more of it then you wont have to miss my reviews....*whistles innocently*
Ally reminds you of me? 0.o xD
You weren't supposed to see that *fish face*
Fish face? 0.o
Like Evan's fish face...
I do not remember...show me when I see you next. In the meantime, lets quit writing on here. We are probably making Tim sick of all the notifs xD.
xD
You two girls prattling on.
Nah, I dun mind too much... but there are, um, better places. *pokes*
xD I'll show ya later.
xD Sorry Timothy *moves convo to real life*
But isn't teasing him that much more fun?
I hate pokes -__-
Yeah I guess it is. How about we see how long we can keep it up, eh?
*ignores it all*
You are two very very silly girls.
hehe
Silly? No that is a word i hate. Immature is a good one though =P
That's what we are best at, Timothy. Can't you tell?
Let us know when you are getting sick of us. We may or may not do anything about it =PGO AWAY.
you're the very very best at it, xD
Selina, you're both silly and immature. hmph.
<33 but I still like you two both so muchhh so it's okay
Its okay if we bug you more? *jumps up and down excitedly* =P
I take that as permission.
I'm annoying myself xDHi! FireBird99 here for a review.
Finally! We get a little snippet of information of the ARC. I read some of the reviews below and saw that you said you don’t know what the ARC is yet. Hang in there, my entire book is like that. I will put things in my books and my younger sisters will all be trying to guess what it is or who it’s going to be. Lots of times it’s their guessing that sparks my ideas hehe. Don’t tell them my secret xD.
Once again, I love how it’s the girl that is the strong headed one. She kind of reminds me of someone *whistles guiltily* @CelticThunder1438. I’m not pointing any fingers here =P.
As for it being like the Hunger Games…the only similarity to it is that people are taking a bunch of kids and using them. Other than that, you wrote it in such a way that it doesn’t really relate too much to the Hunger Games.
Yay! We got to see Ques again! I hope you have major plans for him because he is a likable character. At least, I like him and I hope to see more of him in the upcoming chapters. (And the chapters that you haven’t written. The ones I am ordering you to write!)
Like all the others I have a hard time finding any nitpicks. That’s good for you, but bad for me xD. Keep up the amazingly, awesome writing =).
FireBird99
Awww, my tagging her didn't work =(. *sniffle*
I'M SORRY.
I completely missed this, like so many of your lovely reviews. >>
I do have major plans for Ques, hehe, hehe, hehe - so manyyyy.
Selina reminds you of Avery. xD Perfect.
Your secret is safe with meee - dun worry. Thank you <3
I'M SORRY.
I completely missed this, like so many of your lovely reviews. >>
I do have major plans for Ques, hehe, hehe, hehe - so manyyyy.
Selina reminds you of Avery. xD Perfect.
Your secret is safe with meee - dun worry. Thank you <3
No problem. You're catching up now xD.
Good. Ques <3 Karsh <3. lol
Yes, just a little. Good, keep it that way.
Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review.
Man, I seriously slacked on my reviews in February. I was so planning on catching up earlier than Review Day. But it's okay because I'm here now. Let's do this :3
Okay, I've read and reread this sentence so many times, then wrote and rewrote a comment about it so many times. I think I've finally got it. Just to start though, it was confusing when I first read it. I didn't really know why until now. You're describing an expression, right? Yet the way you describe it doesn't make it an expression. At least not one that I know of :3 I'd suggest either describing the expression differently or just leave it as them both looking around the room.
Yay answers! Well, at least some of them. We get to learn about ARC and what it's all about. We've been getting hints up until this moment and now it's all starting to come together. I really like how you told us all of this at once. It wasn't an info dump because you spread it out so well and really showed us how both of them reacted to it. That's the best way to pull off this kind of chapter.
I do have one thing that I'm still not sure about though.
So ARC was begun to abolish the other governments, but did they actually abolish them? Or is this an ongoing mission? It's mentioned later that Ally and Avery have become part of this mission, but I'm not really sure the true mission here. Is it the mission to abolish the governments or the mission to keep ARC alive and keep all governments away? That may be something that we'll learn later, but I figured I'd point it out.
Avery is definitely an interesting character. She's very stubborn and has quite a temper. Which is totally fine because that's who she is. However, you have to keep her in check every so often. The part about her sitting on her hands in order not to punch Ally. Avery should be allowed to have her temper tantrums because that's who she is, but she also has a soft side to her, I just know
The part about Befriending Day is just hilarious. After all of this that Ally and Avery have gone through, not getting along and everything, and now they're expected to befriend each other. Oh the irony! xD I actually laughed out loud at their reaction to that.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
ARC and basically all of Affinity is a mega-confusion trap for me now. >> I'm focused so much on my other book, the final editing and re-writes, that when I write Affinity, things are soooo confusinggg. I don't even know what's up with ARC. xD Eventually, I will need to sit down and really really begin working on this novel.
Thank you for this review, Noelle. <3 Very helpful, and I'm sorry for late reply. xD
You realize you have two characters whose names start with K, who are an Affinity, and then Ally and Avery whose names both a) start with A, and b) are non-gender specific, and c) are also an Affinity? o.o Sorry, just noticed this.
Love this chapter! Character development is just awesome! :3 I'm almosssst there! XP
YES. I noticed it. xD You already did, too. heehee Thank youu for reading and catching up so quickly. o.o
Haha now that I read the last chapter I feel silly. XP No problem!
Hai Timmy!
Wow, it really has been too long since I have reviewed this novel D: You mentioned that you review quickly but I guess this means I review wayyy slower ><
What I liked about this chapter was that we got to see some of the things the ARC facility wanted to bring across. They had an introduction to what they stand for and what they want these Affinities to be in the end. Which is just perfect because well, this is Befriending Day where the Affinities are supposed to get to know them. I am not sure how locking them up in a room without much to do in there will help their relationship, but I suppose it should? I liked your writing style in here as well, but I will admit this: I had the most issues with this chapter when it came to most of what the speaker was not saying. I think I mean the narrative here...
Now, I would tell you if this was like a Hunger Games information moment but I don't even know what that is... but I will tell you that if I do think about it, these characters do kind of remind me of Peeta and Katniss. Because Katniss was rude and wanted to be by herself, and then Peeta was always kind and just trying not to make her more mad. So I guess there is that. But adding subtle things to their characters as well could change that. For example, not focusing on Avery's anger so much and shifting it to another aspect of her character which is one Katniss doesn't share could help. Same goes for Ally. Take some time to shift some of the focus onto the fact that he is always being kind and trying to make the Affinity work and put it onto something else. You start it - him wanting to go and look around, but then with Befriending Day that couldn't really follow through
Maybe the word you were looking for here was sidelong?
One thing that I feel like is happing too much is that Avery is overreacting to everything. She's getting so mad at a speaker for speaking, and very annoyed at hearing a few words that they seem to crash over her. And then we get all these emotions swirling around and she wants it to stop. I mean, it's just someone speaking in a speaker - you don't have to trust every word they are saying, believe it or listen. If she really wanted to avoid it she could've easily distracted herself. Make her have one itching bit of curiosity about what is being said otherwise I am sure a character like Avery would actually to drown out the sound and distract herself so she wouldn't need to list. And I just think she is being a bit over the top. Yes, girls can be drama queens sometimes
Reading this, in my mind Ally just edged over the seat and fell off xD You need to tell us what side he is edging towards, and if that is creating more or less space between them? To be honest this part confused me a little.
Wait, wait, I'm confused here again! You mention a them and they, but you never really say what it is. Is it the idea of being an Affinity or something else?
You and them English swear words
Can you have something directly happen during something? Isn't a period of during so large it is hard to be direct? I think the adverb at the beginning is kind of unnecessary
Aww... this kind of disappointed me. I hope the slogan would have something to say about what the letters stand for. Like A for Affinity and R for... whatever you want it to be for. Just think about this a little because then it could be a clever tie in
Hm, this sounded odd. There is an easier way to say what you meant. Just write 'And yet their meaning was still clear.'
I feel like we get too much emotion in this chapter. (This is linking to what I was talking about earlier on.) I think emotion is something hard to put into novels because usually people are lacking it. But you have too much of it, which is different
Heh
I think you have pretty much established that if Avery wants someone to be quiet she isn't going to make a gentle movement like putting a finger to her lips for them to be quiet. Especially in her angry mood. She would probably tell them, snapping at them in the process. Just found that seemed a bit out of character.
I see two lots of just in this sentence. Just is an evull word. It's a small one that in most cases is unnecessary, like here! I would take them both out, especially because Avery's response involves a just which is pretty necessary.
I am not sure if what we planned in our planning still remains in this case. Is Ally still supposed to be American? Because if he is, take this from someone not-American. You guys still do have accents. So, you would need to mention that here with a bit of description.
Phew, I'm done. I feel like I have been a bit harsh here, so sorry if that is the case :/ This isn't the best chapter, but it's not a terrible one either. I was just being picking because you asked me to ^^ I think their relationship is head on to developing a bit more, and I love that you put a bit of guilt into Avery as well. Ally already understands her, and that is pretty Affinity-like if you ask me, even if he himself doesn't know that yet. I wonder what is in store for them and what they might do during Befriending Day. Will be getting to the next chapter as soon as I can...
Deanie x
I... I think this may be the best review you have ever given me, Livvy. Thank you so much for it, because it is really going to help me overcome this block I have right now (which is more a quality block than a no-can-write block). All of your nitpicks are very trueee, and especially the emotions one, I need to work on. Thank you, again. And I don't care how long they take incoming, Livvy. You take your time. And remember, I told you I wanted to be last on your list? *glares in your direction*. You ignored me, which I guess is a good thing for me.
Thank youuuu. <3
Course I am gonna ignore you. Who listens to you? I am glad it was helpful <3 I was hoping it would be ^^
Hiya Timmy. Tulip here to give you a review on the rest of the chapter 7. (You have totally got further in your book than I have mine xD.)
Okay, just like in the first half of this chapter, you can see the tension of the two of them, without it always being put to words. It is seen in how she looks over at him and even how she describes him. It is a nice way to put it into the story. The fact that you combined it with her actually telling him that she was annoyed and irritated (not just with him), made it seem all more realistic.
I love the mention of Ques and how he is like the security guard of the hallway. This is funny as you'd think they'd be able to look around. I mean no one could spend that much time together in a plainly decorated room without going insane. But no, they expect them too.
The information that you gave in this part is really cool. It really doesn't sound like the Hunger Games, but something completely you. That is part of the reason I like Affinity so much. It doesn't seem like any other book or even tv shows or movies. It is distinctive.
I might have some nitpicks, just let me go and find them.
She said that she was sure, but how would she know as you never mentioned her finding one and the fact that she hasn't even found where the speaker was.
I think that is the only thing that really bothered me and really stood out to me. I hope that this review was good.
Keep Calm and write on,
Tulip.
Your reviews are always good, Tulip. <3 And always so helpful.
Oh, you have a point. I never thought or noticed that. xD I will have to edit that. Thank youuu for pointing that out and for your compliments. <3
Hi, Timmy
I'm so glad I'm here to catch up!
Have you missed me? Hee hee :-3 and to answer your question... Of course not. Nothing in your story has made me say: "Hmmmm. This is awfully suspicious. This sounds like Hunger Games." Nope! You're story is completely unique. And even the informational parts didn't strike me as odd. I think you did a great job with them! (As per usual).
I've seriously got to say, I haven't lost interest in this book for one second. Right from the beginning I was intrigued and got sucked into your world of perhaps captured teens who rely on their intelligence to face trials. And truly, I haven't read another book like yours. It is definitely unique, very original. And it is hard to get an idea that isn't already over-used. So, well done, Tim. You should be proud!
Okay. Onto the nitpicks!
Hmmm... I'm not sure if this is accurately portrayed. When you put "entire place", it makes me feel as if they are literally looking around every corner, every room, every part of the facility they are in. Now, I know you meant the room they were in, but it caught me off guard and I had to rethink about what you were saying. Perhaps you should change "place" with "room" -- but it is entirely up to you. Also, you put "look" and "looking" in the same sentence. I'm not being picky, but this is redundancy. Instead of "looking" I would switch it with "gazing" or something similar, but again totally up to you
Okay, I have two nitpicks again. The first one is for the beginning of your sentence. I feel as if it should say: "I'm sure if I could find a screwdriver or maybe just kick the speaker in", because when you remove the "if" it makes me feel as if Avery could easily find a screwdriver in a place that she has a) just seen and been guided through and b) the facility has been described as a maze and looked really confusing/complicated. It just seemed a bit weird that she thought she could find a screwdriver so easily.
Also, I noticed with my discerning eye that you have put "place" again, BUT if you were to change the first one, I'm sure it would be okay
I'm not trying to pull you down or anything (because I love your story), but this seems kind of ironic. When Ally and Avery finally managed to find out some information, they were strictly told that there would be no romance between them. But when I read this I feel as if they are talking about a marriage. Maybe you wanted the irony in there, but I just wanted to point that out to you
Now, I love how you have used "they" and "them" for discomfort, like their discomfort is separate or plural, but the thing is -- I don't think discomfort sound right when being pluralised, as it is one emotion. But again, totally up to you. If you think it sounds alright then that's absolutely fine. It just seemed a little odd that's all. But it is no biggie.
Eep! A bit of redundancy. You've put "now" twice.
Besides that -- I loved the second sentence! Wow. The creepy voice has some eerie news. It really grabbed my attention. That was one of the sentences when I want to learn more, but am
rudelycut off from knowing. It kills me and makes me excited at the same time.I got a little confused with this sentence. I do get what you are trying to put, but I think it is just worded funnily. I think it was the "much less" that stumbled me. Maybe if you simply put "and can only just stand to be around" it would run smoother. This one I definitely do think needs altering slightly.
Oh... Wow! This made me really excited. If I am wrong, tell me, bit I feel as if there is something to do with intelligence and technology. I dunno, it's a small idea of what you're doing, but I sense a war coming, some running away, and a lot of weapons. Buuuut, I'll have to see. All things come to those who are patient.
From what I've read, I really want to talk about it instead of nitpicking. So, from what I have learned, ARC is some form of an earthly government, supposedly wanting to make the world a better place (I think there is a catch though). This really is like a jigsaw puzzle. I have loads of pieces now, ones compacted into bigger areas, some small drifting clumps, but somehow there is a hole is the middle and on the outskirts, so I cannot fit the ideas together. I'm as confused and as keen to learn as Ally and Avery.
What I wanted to point out was the speaker/voice. Seeing as that recording/intercom was speaking to the newbies, I was wondering if it was projecting only to their rooms, or if it was being broadcasted throughout the whole building. It just made me curious because it would be a pain in the backside to hear that, what -- everyday? Every week? -- depending on when they aquire new candidates for Affinity. Because if it only projects into the newbies room, there must be some sort of a speaker somewhere. Perhaps it is installed into the actual wall, covered up, hidden. I'm just curious about seeing how the facility works. What the routine schedule is.
Also, I was wondering about Ques. It made me wonder why he was right outside Avery and Ally's door (I need a code name for these two, like Avelly or something xD). And again, how the facility works. Are all the newbies placed on one row (of doors)? Or is Ques assigned to certain people, to check up on them? And if all the newbies live on the same block so to speak, is Ques waiting around so that they won't wonder around? Why not just lock all the newbies doors? Just a little something to think about
Thanks for another great chapter, Timmy! <3
Yours sincerely,
Traunt
THIS REVIEW. O.O
Thank you so much for everything, Heather. This review was so wonderful, and helped me so much. I'll admit I am struggling with Affinity now, and have put it down for a few weeks - as per the advice of some other reviewers (of part 8.2) so my writing will hopefully improve. You're going to begin seeing the downfall of Affinity as you go along. >.< And so these reviews will be my crutch as my writing heals. This is one of the best Affinity reviews I have ever received. Just sayin'. ^.^
And I was worried bout sounding too Hungergamish. Everyone has dispelled that, but mostly you did. Thank you thank you thank you for everything. <33333333 (<---- hehe it begins again)
THIS REVIEW. O.O
Thank you so much for everything, Heather. This review was so wonderful, and helped me so much. I'll admit I am struggling with Affinity now, and have put it down for a few weeks - as per the advice of some other reviewers (of part 8.2) so my writing will hopefully improve. You're going to begin seeing the downfall of Affinity as you go along. >.< And so these reviews will be my crutch as my writing heals. This is one of the best Affinity reviews I have ever received. Just sayin'. ^.^
And I was worried bout sounding too Hungergamish. Everyone has dispelled that, but mostly you did. Thank you thank you thank you for everything. <33333333 (<---- hehe it begins again)
Awwww
I have read the reviews of 8.2 and I've seen that it's the plot that is the main issue, you just need to get from A to B quickly yet smoothly. And don't worry! Affinity isn't going downhill, it is just on a flat, even road, it's not going up hill yet we need it to. I'm glad our reviews are helping though ^.^ aaaaawwwww! The best? Really? c":
You're welcome! Your reply is so kind! It's sad to hear that you're struggling. I'm here to help if you need it. Hopefully we can chat sometime soon and maybe I could talk about it with you. You're writing will definitely get better
Naaaah. I don't think it did. Not at all. Remember not to compare yourself as well. Your story is brilliant! You're totally welcome.
<3333333333333333333333333333333333333
Hey,
Don't worry, this isn't too much like Hunger Games. In fact, it just might be better. On some scale I'm sure it is. Moving on, this was a really interesting story. I found it highly enjoyable and a great read during 5th period! I haven't got a lot of nitpicks because there wasn't very many, but none the less here's what I found:
I have two little issues with this one. First anythingto should be two words. Second, I'm not exactly a punctuation expert but after this you hit enter henceforth ending the sentence. But here you used a comma. There's a chance I'm wrong but I thought I'd point this out.
This is stupid, the only reason I even mentioned this is because after such amazing use with emotions and speech I find it hard to believe that this would just be said.
Finally, who is this Ques character? From what I could they were only mentioned once. I just kinda feel like this is unnecessary. Aside from those small details this is an amazing story. You wrote it really well and it was easy to read. Also nice use of vocabulary. It was a great read.
Sincerely,
Collideascope
Ques is part of the fifth chapter, and mentioned through the sixth. But to a new reader, I understand why it is confusing. I will see what I can do to mend that. Thank you for the kind words and your review. Very helpful.
To answer the author's note: I don't think it's too much like a Hunger Games information moment. There's enough action between the dialogue so that we understand what's going on, what the backstory is, and how the characters feel about the development so that it doesn't seem like one big info dump. I liked that about your writing, but I'll go into more of what I like later on in the review.
So I've been looking at this several times in the green room, not knowing if I should review/read it or if it was worth it, and my God was that a mistake! I wish I had read this earlier and started reading it earlier, as I've just now jumped in right in the middle of all the action, it seems. However, you had enough characterization just in this snippet of a chapter to really help me understand what the characters were like, so I enjoy that.
I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes throughout the whole thing. The story read easily and without interruption. Not to say it was an easy read; it still makes you think and wonder, it definitely isn't mindless.
I'm really enjoying this so far and I'm interested to see how this will go. Keep on writing!
Thank you for your review. Very helpful. :3
Lol! How funny! I was about to say 'This is exactly the mix of the Hunger Games and the Maze Runner!' And of course, there is your Author's note. This piece was flawless, so this can't possibly be a review
hee-hee I haven't read/watched Maze Runner, but since I know there was a video in the square before the reaping in Hunger Games, I wanted to make sure there wasn't too much of a similarity. Is it too much?
Thank you for the compliments. <3
Not that much, no. The speech part is alike to the Hunger Games one, but I don't suggest changing it.