After I change from the absurd gown into a more comfortable jumpsuit-looking thing, I feel a lot better. Sure, it still rides up and I have to itch around trying to adjust it, but I don’t feel out of place or uncomfortable wearing it. And my self-confidence has somewhat returned. Having that thin gown on for so long rid me of whatever dignity I may have had.
I get tired of sitting in the little bedroom after a few minutes. The chair feels like I am sitting on some steel rack—the cushion worthless—and just walking in circles does nothing but remind myself of my tired body. Even though I have only walked down an aisle and talked to some whackos today (excluding the fake test of real-life situations), I just feel drained. Physically and emotionally. Maybe I need something to eat, or just to sit back in a comfortable chair and enjoy the silence.
After a few more times pacing the room, I decide it’s all just stupid and head out the door—leaving my room. I won’t need to be here until nighttime anyway, assuming the bed is more comfortable than the chair. Which it probably isn’t.
I assume I will have to kick Allie or Alek—or whatever his name is—off the couch, but when I close the door behind me, he isn’t out. Nothing but the soft leather couches and flowers welcome me to this main room. I don’t know if I could handle another annoying human being right now, anyway. A conversation would probably wind up as me screaming into his face… for what reason, I don’t know. He actually seems like a rather nice person. I suppose. He was still annoying with that ridiculous smile on his face. Can’t he at least show his irritation with the happenings of the day? It would make me feel better, anyway.
I sit back on the couch, closing my eyes to the light and just letting out all of the moments before—the infernal test, the talk with Keisha and Karsh, the walk with old whatshisface. All of it just floods momentarily from me, and allows me to think without the past memories flooding my mind, searching for their own space. Not like I’ll have a hard time remembering. I can’t help but remember the only places and people I have seen.
Hours pass, and time seems to lose its meaning. I would have thought something would have happened by now. Perhaps they would want us so they can make another assessment of us, or treat us as their guinea pigs for a while. I don’t know. But this silence now seems so disquieting inside my mind.
I want to sit here, just sit. And I don’t want to leave—not for anything. I want to relax and settle into this room. The only place in this enormous building I know the layout of. I can walk to the other end where the table sits, and still know the way to the opposite side. I can walk into an adjacent room and not freak because I am lost.
This place is my size—small, and perfect. Not like outside that main door, where a coliseum of a building awaits. Talk about confusing. Just looking at the structure printed on the sheet by the door gives me a headache. So many hallways leading here and there and everywhere, into rooms I have never been close to.
I suppose eventually I will have to learn my way here. But for now—now I can sit back and lounge in the silence and order in this room which helps me shut out the memory of the cacophony of racket and people beyond that door.
I would have sat here all day and into the night, not realizing my intense hunger because the silence was so strangely filling, but Alek (or whatever he's called) bursts out of the door with a smile, destroying my silence with a slam of the door.
“Good, uh—oh.” He stopped midstride, and turned about looking for something on the walls—maybe a clock. “What time is it?”
“Alek, how am I supposed to know?” I figure the only way to get his real name again is to call him by something else.
He frowns, and I know I did get it wrong. “It’s Ally, actually. Allyyyyyyyy.” He gives up looking for a way to tell the time, and walks over to me. “Can you remember that, Avery?”
The emphasis he puts on my name makes me wince in guilt. He remembered my name without a hitch, and I didn’t care enough. For a moment, I look down at the white tile floor. But then I shake my head. I haven’t felt bad for not caring about other things, so it’s weird to begin now.
“Yeah, I know,” I say. “Just checking to make sure you remembered your name.”
“I’ll bet that was why. Thanks for testing my memory.” After standing awkwardly in the middle of the room for a while longer, still seeming unsure if he wants to sit beside me on the couch, or sit on the opposite couch, or sit down in a chair—he flops down beside me. I scrunch my body up even closer to me, pulling my legs away from him. No closeness for me, thank you.
“No problem.” Well, this chat has been going along lovely. I suppose small-talk is how all things begin, but still. I was expecting more of a rant from a person who had just gone through exactly the same as what I had. But I am not ranting yet, so I suppose he can take his time.
“You been around the place yet?” He makes another attempt at conversation.
“Nope. You?”
“Not yet.”
Absolute silence, once again. Another failed attempt at talking.
We sit there for longer than a few moments, staring at the blank wall in boredom. Or at least I am. My rare glances at his face tells me more than dullness is going through his mind. His eyes move all around the wall, but they don’t seem to focus on anything. He seems to stare into space, not caring where his eyes wander.
“Are you okay?” I nudge his side with my foot.
“Yeah, I am fine,” he says. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“Oh, you were just—nothing.” I decide to be nice for a change, but he motions for me to tell him, so I do “You just looked stupid there for a minute while you were thinking… or whatever you were doing.”
“Oh, sorry.” He smiles and crosses his arms—showing his discomfort. “Yeah, I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Oh, just... you know.” He stops and frowns, perhaps either remembering what was thinking and realizing it was too private, or maybe forgetting. Not like we can forget anything, though. Rather difficult when there is so little we have to remember. “Just thinking about our future, I guess.”
“What it holds?” I ask. My tone is gentler this time, and I don’t know why. Perhaps my curiosity to know his thoughts prompts the harshness to fade away. “I don’t think it holds anything good, but I haven’t seen enough.”
“Maybe we will find out soon wha—”
He is interrupted by a voice crackling through speakers ahead, almost like static on an old time radio. I search for where the voice emanates from, but I can’t pin it down. The sound comes from all directions, seeming to come at me like a swarm of bugs to choke me out.
The voice is so dark, deep and deadly—his final words slurring like a snake.
“Hello, and welcome to the ARC facility.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Hello once again TimmyJake, I have come back to review your work =) I am supposed to be doing school but I don't feel like it. Plus, doesn't reviewing peoples stuff help us write are own story better and our stories count as doing English, right? =P So technically I am doing school while reviewing your work, just not the schoolwork my mom wants done xD My plan is to review, do some school, review, do some school ect.
First off for reviewing I have one suggestion. I didn't see any grammar mistakes but I have a suggestion in combine two sentences to make it flow better. You wrote - "Not like we can forget anything, though. Rather difficult when there is so little we have to remember."
It is a good couple of sentences so if you want to keep them seperate its still good, my personal opinion though is to combine them like this - "Rather difficult to forget anything though, when there is so little we have to remember."
That is the only thing my eyes could see weird with this chapter. I liked it, the two are finally able to talk. You left the story at just the spot, full of suspence =P Can't wait to see what happens next!
~Selina The Silent Bagpipe
P.S Love Avery's comments on his name
Hehe, reading is always more fun than school, anywayyy. YES, this does count as English. Actually, YWS has helped me more than any textbook could do in a million years. xD
I will combine the sentence. You're right, it does flow much nicer that way.
Hehe, reading is always more fun than school, anywayyy. YES, this does count as English. Actually, YWS has helped me more than any textbook could do in a million years. xD
I will combine the sentence. You're right, it does flow much nicer that way.
XD Yes it is, especially more fun than Math =(
I agree, even in the short period of time that I have been on YWS my mom is already saying, -"Wow. What happened to change your writing so much in a couple months?!" =P
Grrrrrr....they were finally sitting down and having a real chat. Why did the speakers have to come in? Grrrrrr. Well, you sure know how to hook a reader. =P
That awkward moment of silence....yes, I know that feeling. Its happened to me a few times before haha. VERY awkward.
Well, I'm liking it still so that's a plus. Not that I haven't stopped liking it. No, I don't think that could ever happen. Now that I am all caught up in 'liking' your chapters, I only have one to do for today hehe.
I wish I had your way of describing things. That's what I have a problem with. I have a hard time describing descriptions and emotions. So, that results in a fast paced book that goes by way to fast.
I love how Avery is a bit....strong headed? No, hmmm what's the word? I think you know what I mean. I love their two similar BUT very different personalities. =)
Good job!
FireBird99
Thank you for your continuing reviews, Annie. <3 They're very helpful and encouraging. I'm even considering writing more of this now.... I never give up on a project, but this had been mothballed for the time being. Maybe I'll pull it from the ashes and write it again. c:
Thank youuu
Your welcome. I enjoy reading your books. I really hope you do 'pull it from the ashes' because I don't want to run out of chapters and I'm coming close. Keep it up =).
Hi there! Noelle back again for another Review Day review!
What chair? It seems to just come out of thin air. I think I know what chair she's talking about because I'm sure the rooms are designed the same, but it would still be nice to know which chair seeing as there are two.
Gosh, the two of them just get along so well, don't they? Perfect conversations and all that xD
Avery seems unfazed by their new place. By that I mean she's still as grumpy as ever. Her voice is very strong and you've kept it quite consistent. She's always reacting to things the way I think she would. Consistent characters are always important, obviously -_- My point is, she really seems to come alive because of the way you write from her POV. We get all of the descriptions that Ally gives us just with a bit less flare and more anger. It's pretty cool.
I've noticed as I've read on how different Ally and Avery's voices are from each other. Not the actual way they talk of course, but the way they narrate. I bet if you didn't label your chapters we'd still figure out who's narrating what chapter. It's really important for that difference to be there, especially since they're basically telling the same story. How boring would it be if Avery was exactly like Ally and left out all her anger? Super boring, that's what. You need that difference so you can counter the both of them with each other. You're doing a great job with that.
Might we actually be getting more answers now?? I hope so. To be honest, I'm not really sure what it is that I want to know. I just know that there are things I don't know xD And I know Ally and Avery feel the same way. I'm sure they want more answers.
I shall read the other chapters soon. I was hoping to catch up today, but I fell just short. I'm almost there though!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Oh, you were so amazing yesterday, Noelle. xd Thnak you thank you thank you for all of these lovely reviews you've given me. They've really helped me out. And answers are comingggg soon! xd Lots of more answers
<3
Hi, Timmy. Long time no review. This is the first day since I've been home that I have felt like reviewing anything. And *Affinity* made the cut.
So, this is pretty good chapter or part of it? It is nice to read her thoughts. The interaction in between the two of them is neat. It shows that she can be nice but still irritating at the same time.
The ending is perfect. It was something that bwoyuld be expected to happen at some point, and you put it in at what I think is the perfect time.
I want more! Soooo the descriptions are good, not overly done as usual. Love the small details you put into places.
Bit I am going to end this here. I need to go to bed.
Thank you for this review, Tulip! <3 It has been a long time, but you've been busy.
Yeah, this is a part of it. 
Your reviews are always so helpful. <3 Yesss, go to bed. heehee
This feels weird xD hahaha. My first review in a while. Although I fell in love with NaNo, I must admit it was bad to distract me from reviewing. I'm glad I'm not too far behind! Plus the fact I love knowing there is another chapter waiting for me x) hee hee. Plus, do you have a club? I should really subscribe if you do, so I can know when the next one is out... Okay, I'm blabbering. Need to focus. Breathhh...
Hi, Tim! I'm ready and raring!
Tut tut tut. Oh, Timmy, dearest! This was a very straight forward, telling rather than showing part. How does Avery feel better? Does she like how her leg feeling the cold, chilling air (maybe the fact she hasn't shaved them xD joking)? Was it too revealing and she feels covered up and safe now? Just a little more showing, as you do go on to say about dignity.
Hahaha. This is hilarious. I love un-forced humour of characters. It is so natural. This is great! I really feel as if it came natural to you, and you weren't forcing her character to be natural. If that makes sense xDD haha.
Dun Dun Dun. Redundancy. That needs sorting my good friend. Sitting. Sitting. *le gasp*
Sarcasm? XD hahaha.
Well, no. Sorry, but this is kind-of clear to the reader. Talk about stating the obvious. Hee hee :3
Never changed this. It's perfect! I love it xD
This is awkwardly phrased. I would say: "A conversation would wind up with me screaming in his face..." yeah? I think it sounds a little better
Hmmm... You mention "anyway twice in the same paragraph:
I think you should change it or take one out
"whats-his-face" it should be.
Do hours really pass without Ally coming out of his room? I was just thinking that when you say "time seems to lose its meaning" you actually mean time hasn't passed so quickly (or hours haven't passed, it just feels like that).
Well, you haven't been here very long xD maybe that's why! Haha.
What? "Good, uh-oh" doesn't really make sense :/ care to rephrase it? I'm not quote sure what you were trying to put across, but it confused me a little.
By the way -- I love this scene! The "trying to make a conversation" part is hilarious. I think that is what would happen exactly! It is really realistic. If I had to share a room with a complete stranger, I would find it completely weird and daunting -- and awkward -- at first. So this is just spot on
Yours sincerely,
Traunt
I don't understand why I didn't see this earlier. 0.o Ergh, it didn't show up in my notifications. Thank you for this review, Heather. <3 They're always a joy to receive and read, and they're so helpful. You always find so much that I can edit in this piece, and look to avoid in the next. You also help me so much when editing the chapters before I post, because I learn to look for those things you mention. :3 Thank you, yet again. You and your reviews are ever so lovely. <33
Will be reviewing soon.
Hi Timmy!
What I liked about this chapter is that I thought it sounded more like what Avery herself would say and how she would feel. Or maybe that became clearer because we are reading from her point of view. Either way, you did a good job with her point of view again, and you nailed the awkwardness of their conversation on the sofa. It was awesome :3
I am not really sure what I should be saying here. Usually when I write a review I leave notes for myself as I read on things that need pointing out, and usually have at least one. But for this I have absolutely none, which means I am going to have to dig real deep and see if there is the slightest thing I don't like. You and your brilliant writing is really making this hard for me
I thought it was strange that Avery goes on about how she is emotionally and physically tired, and mentions being alone and relaxing into a chair, but she doesn't consider just going to sleep. It might not be the right time to, but the moment I am emotionally and physically drained, the first thing I think about is going to sleep. It was just surprising that she didn't even consider it as an option. Beds aren't solely for night time.
You mention how she sits there for hours and simply thinks about things. But what are these things exactly? Is she revising everything over and over again and trying to install it all into her memory in a way that she can't forget, or is she emptying her mind of all thoughts and simply trying to be at peace. Or does she simply zone out and think about everything but nothing at all? At the beginning you do bring us along for the ride and I was enjoying the scene, but then there was a time jump in it and we missed a lot of the conversation.
... and I can honestly think of nothing more to say. Sorry this was a pretty useless and short review, but you have everything down. The characters, the setting, great descriptions... and even though we had a few slow chapters, it looks like things are going to pick up in the next part! Looking forward to when I have a chance to read it
Deanie x
You are absolutely right about Avery and her just sitting there, but the reader never knowing what she's thinking. Good point. I will have to fixxx that. Thank youuu for your review. <3
Psssh, short? Psssh, unhelpful? Maybe you should insert some homonyms there.
I MEANT ANTONYMS. THAT IS WHAT I MEANT.
I was wondering what homonyms were... xD
Hi, Timmy - I decided I'd get here early this time XD
I don't think I've missed anything off.
I have to say, there are no obvious nitpicks this chapter, it's just that good! I have very little to say because there's only so much praise I can form into words (words that make sense, anyway).
Well, we're in Avery's point of view again. That's good and well timed. We need to see her reactions as we've seen Ally's. Their characters are going stay equally well developed if you keep this up. They are both going to be awesome and I can't wait to see where they end up.
I think you've set up a contrast between them beautifully. It built up during the chapter, from Ally remembering Avery's name and her not remembering his, to the way they look at things.
The part where they both looked at the map and knew they'd have to learn it was good as they both talked about that in different tones. There seems to be a brilliant difference in their voices. Again, I like the way that that feels like a natural part of their relationship. Opposites attract, I guess. It also makes for a little bit of humour, which never hurt anyone.
Oooh, the ending! It is really starting to feel like something big is just around the corner. I mean, they can't stay in that room forever. Post the next chapter, quick! The wait is seriously killing me...
Keep at it
Thank you for the prompt review, Bella! <3 I have really been trying on their distinct voices, so it's lovely to find that you see them very opposite. That is what I am trying for! Your reviews are always so helpful, and give me a lot to think about for the next upcoming chapters.
The opposite-ness is great. It's used often in writing...
What you've done, I was going for with Layla and Mercy.
I haven't read you other chapters, except the first one and I loved that so I just have to say what you have going here is a really good story. Your story seems very interesting and when I have the time I really want to go through and read through all of your other chapters.
I have to say the way you ended this chapter is really good. I really want to read ahead (after I catch up) and find out what is the ARC family?
So anyway keep this story up and Ill keep reading through it.
You have talent Timmyjake and I love your writing.
Would love to have a go co-authoring with you one day!
Jack
Oh, thank you for your wonderful review! Really encouraging, and thank you for your compliments.