XXVII
“Momma! You’re back!” Manasseh ran up to Asenath from behind.
She squatted and gave him a hug. “Yes, I am. What have you and your brother been up to since we have been gone?”
Ephraim sauntered up, followed by Reziya.
“I read some new scrolls Amnon gave me,” Manasseh said.
Ephraim scowled. “He was boring. Zuberi taught me how to shoot with his little bow and arrow out back.”
“It wasn’t real, was it?” she asked in alarm.
“No. But I wish that it were a real bow. Then I could go hunting with the Pharaoh for lions! Roarrrrrr!”
Manasseh stuck out his tongue. “You are too little. The lion would just eat you.”
“I’m braverer than you!” Ephraim taunted.
“Boys, that’s enough,” Asenath scolded.
Reziya shook her head. “They are always at it like this.”
“Nuh-uh!” Manasseh exclaimed.
“I guess it is what brothers do…” she mused.
How can I get him to tell me what’s happening?
The boys started a game on the front steps, and Asenath sat on the top step to wait for Joseph. She didn’t have to wait long.
The gates opened, and he rode up on his chariot. Asenath, the boys, a stable boy, and Joseph’s new attendant (Msrah had been promoted to steward)met him. As Joseph jumped out of the chariot, the stable boy jumped in and rode the chariot away towards the stables.
“Father!” both boys cried, latching onto his legs.
“My handsome sons,” Joseph replied, patting both their heads. “Let me get these things off, then a proper hug.” He took off his goatee, headdress, armbands, and jeweled belt, laying them all in his attendant’s arms. “Thank you. I will wear my crimson robe to dinner tonight if you set it out.”
“Yes, my lord,” he responded and hurried back into the house.
“Now for my boys.” He pulled both into a bear hug.
“Can I go up?” Ephraim asked, pointing to the sky.
“I don’t know…”
“Please!”
“If you force me to.” He winked and lifted Ephraim to his shoulders. “Ug. You are getting big. You can have a turn next,” he said to Manasseh.
“Nah,” Manasseh grabbed his dad’s big hand instead. “This is good.”
Asenath tried to smile.
He’s a good father.
“And my beautiful wife,” he added, kissing her forehead.
“Swing me!” Manasseh giggled, reaching for Asenath’s hand.
His curly locks bounced up and down as they swung him back and forth. They all laughed, Ephraim and Manasseh the carefree laughs of children, Asenath and Joseph laughs trying to convince their sons that everything was normal.
After a few times, she let go. “You are almost too old for this! My arms hurt! Plus, you have to go wash up for supper.”
Ephraim wrinkled his nose. “I want to eat just like this-dirty.”
Joseph gently set him down. “That’s not how it works. Even your father has to get clean for dinner. Go along now.”
Hesitantly, the boys climbed the stairs.
Halfway up, Ephraim ran back. “Poppa? Can you help me make a bow after dinner?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you, father.” Ephraim hugged him again and headed back up the stairs.
Asenath slipped her hand into Joseph’s sticky, sweaty hand.
I have to get him to talk.
“How was the trading today?” she asked as they headed towards their room.
“Fine.”
“I came by today to watch.”
“Oh, yes, I saw you. Were you wearing new bracelets?”
“No. They are my mother’s. Some interesting characters came by today.”
Joseph yawned. “That sheik who complained about the price could have been a problem, but I think our man from Punt scared him off.”
“I was actually thinking about the people after him.”
“The widow and her children? That’s not odd. Many have died in this famine. All I could do was help.” Joseph opened the door to their room.
“No, they were before the Arabian trader. The Hebrew men? Remember?” She pulled her wig off. Beads of sweat dripped down strands of her pinned-up hair.
“You could cut some of your hair. Not all of it. But I can’t imagine how hot it would be!” Joseph exclaimed, wiping his brow.
She shut the door. “Stop avoiding the question!”
He plunged his hands into a clear bowl of cold water. “What question?”
“I know those men are your brothers! What are you doing? Didn’t you forgive them? And if so, why are they in a cell under our house?”
“Ah, that question. Actually, I believe that was three.”
She crossed her arms. “Joseph. I am not kidding.”
“Alright, alright! I’ll tell you everything. But all this is a secret. Only you and Msrah and Amnon are to know who they truly are.”
“Why?”
“Hmmm. Where to start?’
“How about with the truth?” she shot back.
Joseph rubbed his temples. “Just listen. Yes, I know they are my brothers, and, yes, I have forgiven them.”
“Then…”
“Let me finish. I have a plan. Really, I do. There cannot be true forgiveness until each side can admit wrong and repent. That happened with you and your parents. Though you were ready to forgive both your parents, only your mother accepted the need to be forgiven. Understand?”
“But, if they know that it’s you, I’m sure they will say sorry.”
“Of course they would-out of fear, not true repentance. You are just going to have to let me see this through. If Elohim moves, all could be fixed.”
“What if He doesn’t move? What if deceiving them is not His way?”
“Then…I don’t know.” He slipped on a crimson robe and lifted his chin confidently. “I’ve thought about what to do if this came for years. Now, I have to follow through with it.”
#*#*#*#*#**#*#**
The meal was quieter than usual. Msrah and Amnon discussed local news while Oni listened to the children chatter about a ferret they had found in the washing water.
“It was this big,” little Khu described, stretching his arms as far as they would go.
Asenath only half listened. She watched Joseph out of the corner of her eye.
He played with his food, fidgeted in his chair, and stared at the ceiling pensively. When the slaves cleared away the dishes, he sighed in relief. “Amnon, will you tell the story tonight? I’m not feeling well.”
Amnon’s eyebrows raised in concern. “Alright.”
Joseph left the room.
He’s going to the worship room.
Amnon closed the curtains, allowing the dim candles to set the room. “What story should I tell?” he mused.
“Tell Isaac fell in love with Rebekah,” Nena said dreamily.
“That is a good one. But I think that I’ll tell you a story about Noah and the Great Flood. Many, many years ago…”
Ephraim pulled on Asenath’s dress. “Mother?”
“Yes?”
“Father said that he would help me with my bow and arrow after dinner.”
She looked at Joseph’s empty seat.
Guide him.
Lifting Ephraim into her lap, she whispered, “Maybe tomorrow.”
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hi! Cricket here for a review!
Oh, we get to see what her little boys are like! I had never really gauged before in my mind what her sons would be like, but they do act like normal little boys. For the most part that is. I mean, every now and then they're going to need to act slightly mature than what their age would typically require of them. I know my little brothers... they would be fighting one moment and discussing whether or not so and so is going to go to heaven when they die. I mean, you don't typically hear a five year old giving you their opinion on such matters. And I do understand if you don't want to have those little boys do that, but I don't think there's anything wrong with a few moments of slight maturity happening every now and then. If you get my meaning that is.
One other thing I noticed is that you break up your scenes rather quickly. One moment there would be someone talking, and the next there's an entirely different scene taking place. Even though you are switching scenes constantly I think maybe you could work on moving into them, every now and then. Nothing wrong with flowing from one scene into the other in my opinion. It just seems that you break up a lot of scenes all of a sudden like. Wouldn't be a bad idea if you were to mix it up a few times.
If he came to her from behind then it would wise to mention that she turned around or something like that. There's a couple of spots here and there that have the same problem. I'd just suggest having somebody read through it and tell where they thought it was a bit rushed or what have you.
There' seems to be too many steps in this sentence. I mean, if the boys are on the front steps then they must be somewhere down on the bottom. Cause I don't think Asenath is going to be sitting there while they play and romp about her. But from the way you had it all worded, that's how it came off to me.
Hmm, I just don't understand it... but I hate the word hug for this circumstance. It seems rather... common shall we say? I'm not entirely sure, but I would suggest finding some synonyms for this. It just seems really, NOT EGYPTIAN. If you can understand that, that is. xD
Hmm, other than that I'd say this chapter was written very well. You can now see that Joseph has a plan to make his brothers actually sorry for what they did, and that is a good idea on Joseph's part. You gotta admit... Joseph has the looks and the brains for being a leader. I can see quite clearly that Asenath loves him for that, and I think you also showed well that she loves him for more than his looks. He has an amazing personality, not to mention he isn't stuck up about his looks or anything. Very well done.
Would just reinstate what I said earlier about the little boys is all I think. Other than that, and the occasional mishaps... this chapter is awesome! Good work!
Keep writing!
~Cricket
Thanks for these reviews!!!!! I don't have any little brothers so I just tried to imagine them from kids that I help with at church. So...I will work on that!
Looks like I will have time to finish reviewing, after all!
It's fine that you used parenthesis, but I noticed that you also used them in the last chapter. Sometimes, using parenthesis in writing can be considered "lazy," since it usually is used to explain something you forgot to before. Keep this like you have it, but try not to use them anymore in the future unless you absolutely have to.
Three what?
Bolding a word is not professional, but italicizing is.
"Tell the one where Isaac falls in love with Rebekah" is better.
Sorry, this review will probably be really short. I will do my best to analyze and offer helpful information...
Although this was a short chapter, it was also an important chapter. Joseph's brothers are back, and that's a big deal. I liked that you slowed down a little in this chapter before jumping to all the action. You took the time to describe Joseph's plan, which was important, but you also showed us more of Asenath's family and how Joseph was feeling about his brothers' return.
Great job! Even though this was more of a transition chapter, you wrote it all very thoroughly and expertly.
Shoot. I forgot to change it to a review.... @BigBrother
Aw that's right, @ doesn't work..
"Three questions." That's what I meant. Ug. I did the bold thing again! I've been trying to catch it before I post it. Sorry that you have to keep reminding me. Thanks again!
Hello there! I'm just giving you a review, hope I'm not being to bitchy or something
Now, the story's good. It's not going too fast or too slow, so that's a big plus.
“Yes, I am. What have you and your brother been up to since we have been gone?” I find this a bit of a weird phrase. It says have been and have been twice and I just feel like this repetition is troublesome. Maybe you could say something like: "So, has anything exiting happened since we left?" It's only a suggestion, just to get the have been thingy away.
“I’m braverer than you!” Ephraim taunted.
i don't think "braverer" is the correct term. I think it's supposed to be "braver". Or maybe something with "bold".
(Msrah had been promoted to steward)met him.
And sorry this is actually a detail, but there should be a space before "met".
"They all laughed, Ephraim and Manasseh the carefree laughs of children, Asenath and Joseph laughs trying to convince their sons that everything was normal."
That last part also sounds a bit off to me, I think you should rephrase it. "Laughs" isn't correct, I think, since both Asenath and Joseph are laughing.
So, I hope this review can be helpful!
Thank you for the review! I used the word "braverer' on purpose. Kids say the funniest things sometimes. Your critiques were very helpful!