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Territorial -CHAPTER 2 = No pain no game

by EPICnumber1


I meet Carla halfway to school as always her blonde hair that was once covered in dried blood is now back to it's glimmering self.

"Hi" I shout over the level of noise that has rose since we started down Oak tree Road.

"Hey, so anymore news on Darth?" she asks unmistakably shouting in the prosess

"Nah, but I can't wait to see what information Olivia got out of Julian" I tell her

"I know right, I love knowing secret plans"

"Yeah I know you do, you love knowing secrets full stop. " she smilies.

As we draw near the school I see Olivia waiting by the doors talking to her boyfriend Ian. Carla and I stare at each other in astonishment, Olivia has been ignoring Ian ever since we got the mission on Darth.

"I wonder why she has been taking a sudden intrest in loverboy now" I say to Carla

"I don't know but her reason better be good" she says under her breath.

"Olivia hi" Carla says

"Hi Carla, hi Evie" she mutters

"You coming?" I ask

"Yeah be in in a sec just got to finnish here with Ian" she says.

I drag Carla behind me and walk in to the hallway where I am greeted by a crowd of students obviously looking at a notice put up on the old battered notice board. I try to push my way through the suffocating crowd babbling all sorts of nonsence. I finnaly make my way to the front and given the circumstances I read the line of scribbly writing that the head mistress has wrote.

                                         All students must attend emergency assembly at 10:50

I starred in awe at the notice, what must Mrs Pomeroy want at ten fifty, I think to myself. I push my way back out of the crowd of other gaping students and found Carla and Olivia gossiping about Ian. "Emergency assembly at ten fifty" I tell them with no hesitation.

"What? I know what that's about, can we go to HQ quickly?" Olivia asks

"Why we only just got here" Carla moans

"I'll tell you on the way" Olivia mumbles. Suddenly an ear splitting scream came out of no where, it sounded like it came from Mrs Pomeroy's office just down the hall. Ignoring Olivia's comments we ran hand in hand down the endless hallway, or what seemed to be endless. We reached the office in less than a minute but it seemed like we were running for hours. I tried to open the mahogany door, locked. Carla threw her self at the door and the lock gave way, Olivia handed us all a gun each, I gave her a look as if to say you carry these around with you all day? She just shrugged.

We found our head mistress lying in a deep deathly pool of her own blood, her eyes starred at us, blood shot. I bent down, covering my self in blood in the process and closed her still warm eye lids. "No time for praying now Evie" Olivia said in a stone cold voice. We nimbly stepped over Mrs Pomeroy's limp body and searched the room, I saw her laptop open at a new page on Microsoft word, she was writing something. I feel the need to tiptoe as if the dead teacher were watching me and she would give me detention for a year if she knew I'd been going through her private things, but then again it's not every day you are tiptoeing round a teacher's office that has blood sprawled  all over it and you are holding guns at the ready. If I knew this is how I would be spending my Friday I would have brought some more weaponry. I read the paragraph that she wrote.

I am writing this with a gun pointed at my head, I give my position to Mr Drake Darth, who ever is reading this please give it to who ever needs to see this,

I feel Olivia and Carla looming over me reading it over my head.

I need to arrange an emergency assembly for all students at precisely ten fifty and I give my permission to Darth to kill any students who do not attend.

I find my self gaping at the plain words that have become fatal, deadly. I ignore the part of me saying she wrote that, she would kill you, she is in cahoots with Darth and tell my self that she was forced to write that, she had a gun pointed at her head for Crists sake but I find it hard to convince my self that. I close the file down and sprawl the mouse over the screen and start clicking on random things until I come across another file titled Darth. I look back to find my allies have gone looking for other things so I call them over. They come at my command and give me a confused look. I click on the file and it opens up.

They will come looking for me soon they know that I haven't followed their commands, they know that if I warn the school that there will be serial killers coming to kill them they will kill me. I do not want to go down with out a fight.

I yet again find my self gaping at the deadly words, I now know she was forced into cahoots with them, it's only criminal if she did it on her own accord. That's what the assembly was for, to warn everyone and to get out of here as soon as possible. I glance down at my watch the time reads ten forty five. Five minuets or I no we will be killed on sight. I grab Olivia and Carla and head towards the English area where we have to go before assembly.

Mr Smith our English teacher always goes mad when we are late, I tell him we have to go assembly now.

"Ok Evie" Mr smith says "Just when you have finished your work" He continues. The clock above his head heads ten forty eight, two minuets till everyone dies. I scribble some random words on my piece of paper on world war one, I hand it to him the second the bell goes marking ten fifty. "Line up class" Mr smith says, I grab a space between Carla and Olivia.

 We march down to the sports hall, I notice goons lurking in the shadows spying on us. We sit down on uncomfortable plastic chairs. We wait for Mrs Pomeroy who will never come. Goons lurk in the corners of the sports hall, they also know she won't come. Mr Taylor the deputy head, takes the space on the stage and begins babbling about something that Mrs Pomeroy wanted to tell us but I know that's not the real reason for this assembly.

 I glance at Olivia and Carla sitting either side of me  obviously bored. "Where is the action, I am so bored I actually want Darth to strike the school" Olivia whispers. I throw a stern look her way but as if on cue a gun goes off. We take that as a signal to shoot. We stand, just the three of us and point our guns at all four corners of the sports hall, Olivia takes both back corners I take the front left corner and Carla takes the front right corner. Everyone gasps at the sight of our guns. The teachers start shouting at us to put them down but we knew that wasn't happening.

 Guns go off at all the corners, bullets shooting out of them. Every student sprints out of the hall and hopefully back to their homes while the teachers just stand by the door. I duck, a bullet missing my head by millimetres. I squeeze the trigger to my own gun that is now matted with sweat and dried blood from Mrs Pomeroy.

The silhouette of a body drops to the floor the teachers gasp and start heading towards the shadow covered corners to help the goon up. I know what the goons will do to the teacher. I scream at them not to, I scream and scream and scream. I tell them to make sure every one is out of the building. I know the goons are after us and not anyone else but I also know the goons will kill anyone who gets in their way. They read my terrified expression and run for it, ignoring the dead goon. I keep my gun poised and pointed at my occupied corner. I shoot randomly and numerous bodies fall. Carla and Olivia's guns are music to my ears yet they ring with anticipation.

A bullet pierces my arm, another scrapes my foot and an excruciating pain fills my body, I sink to the floor. Olivia notices and helps me up but keeps a firm lock on her corners.

"Keep shooting, I'm fine" I shout at her.

"No you're not, you need to get out of here" she shouts back.

I put my hand on my arm trying to keep the blood inside my body instead of out. My arm throbs and so does my foot. Blood stains my newly washed white socks and seeps through my school flats.

 The earth shakes under me. Shaking like a maraca, a groaning emits from below I know Darth has the power to cause Earth quakes but not like this. The earth splits and I am in the middle of it . A huge chasm opens up stretching right through the school, I feel invisible hands wrap round my neck, pulling me under. I take in deep breaths but those deep breaths quickly turn thin. The air turns thick unbreathable thick air, the invisible hands grip tighter round my neck not allowing a single breath pass. I wheeze and splutter but the air goes from thick to thin in less than a second and I suddenly have no air to breathe. I fall unconscious but faintly feel Olivia slapping my face willing for me to wake up, two fingers are forced below my jaw line and then quickly pull away. I try to open my eyes but they stay clamped shut. The smell of rotting flesh and dried blood fills my nostrils, I wake up with a start. I realise I haven't taken my hand off of my wound. My painless wound.

I can't look at the wound on my arm, but I realise there is no pain, no blood. I take my bloody hand away from my arm and force my self to look at the wound... which isn't there anymore. I gape in surprise. No blood, no scar, no stitches, nothing just my flesh, my bare flesh. It hasn't been touched at all. I have flash backs of Mark saying three words. The words that keep me going, words that surrender their meaning. No pain, no game. I play those words in my head over and over. They will feel pain as I pierce their hearts with my bullets. I try to ignore that I just healed myself by just touching myself.

I carry on shooting half conscious that I am also putting tiny bullet sized holes in the walls. I shoot my last goon and find Carla and Olivia just finishing off their own corners. We are alone in the sports hall. Dead goons dot the hall. I lie in a pool of my own blood, I am half conscious that some teachers have filled the hall and are helping me up. We are all trying to ignore the dead bodies but it's not that easy. I fall unconscious because my foot has started throbbing a lot more than it did before. I could try to heal myself again but who knows it will work. I play the words no pain no game inside my head. I won't heal myself because unlike most girls I am a big fan of scars.

I wake up in the nurses office surrounded by other injured students. The small office is filled with teachers sprawled over small beds, students inspecting their dead friends. The office smells like medicine, blood and a hint of sweat but odour floods my nostrils making me gag. I throw up all over nurse Winston's shiny shoes and formally apologise. I see someone lay a sheet peacefully over a young girl who has died. I look around for Carla and Olivia only to find them looming over my bed.  They seem fine but Olivia has a long scratch reaching from her hair line all the way down to her jaw line but it does kind of suit her. I no longer feel the throbbing pain that once occupied my bleeding foot all I feel is the same old me, same old foot. I try to get up my head turns and turns so I throw up again. I lie back down take two deep breaths of perfect air and stand.  Olivia hands me my gun that is crawling with dried blood and sweat but I grab it anyway. I limp out of the nurse's office and down the blood stained hallway. I notice that my allies are following me, I run straight out of the school and straight to HQ.

I burst through the warehouse doors and slide down the railing I fall in to the arms of Mark. He sets me down on my feet.

"Did you hear?" I ask him

"Yeah we heard, any fatalities?"

"Well there was about thirty goons so yes"

"Any students?" he asks in a stern voice

"I think so yes"

"Oh god, right Isabel and Wilma are here" He says suddenly changing the subject.

"Oh right well we just shot most the goons in the sports hall, they killed the head and loads of students I killed about twenty goons" I say trying to stay on subject. I turn around and find Olivia and Carla glaring at me with folded arms.

"You missed out one teeny tiny detail" Carla says "that you got shot in two places and healed your self but not completely".

"Oh yeah and that" I add with a smirk trying to avoid that topic. Look I just placed my hand on my wound and I kind of almost kind of died. Then it healed no biggie.

"No biggie? you are super human"  Olivia shouts angrily.

"Why didn't you heal your self completely?"

"Because no pain, no game" I say

"What the..." I cut her off.

"If I healed myself and not you or Carla or anyone else I wouldn't forgive myself, No pain, no game" I say in the simplest way possible.

"No pain, no game" she repeats in a whisper.

                                    


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Sun Aug 31, 2014 10:56 pm
Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!

You know, I don't thin I've ever reviewed a chapter of a novel without reading the previous chapters, but here I am! I hope that I can give you a good review. And since I haven't read the first chapter, just ignore anything I say that pertains to it.

I meet Carla halfway to school as always her blonde hair that was once covered in dried blood is now back to it's glimmering self.

There are a few things I want to mention here. First off, there should be a comma after the word 'always'. Secondly, 'it's' should be changed to 'its'. Remember, 'it's' is a conjunction of it and is. It's not a possessive word. Its is the possessive form of it. Just remember: it's = it is.

One thing I've noticed as I read along is that there usually isn't punctuation at the end of a piece of dialogue. It's actually quite important to use punctuation at the end of dialogue because it helps us understand how exactly the dialogue was being said and all that good stuff.

"What? I know what that's about, can we go to HQ quickly?" Olivia asks

When Olivia says 'what' in the beginning, it seems that she is confused or surprised about the sudden news. But then she follows that right up by saying that she knows what it's about. That's a bit contradictory. I'd suggest cutting out the 'what' at the beginning and just having Olivia say she knows what it's about.

When you reach the paragraph about the scream and the Headmistress laying there in a pool of blood, you switch from present tense to past tense. Be careful with that. It's always important to keep your tense consistent.

I can't look at the wound on my arm, but I realise there is no pain, no blood. I take my bloody hand away from my arm

Didn't she just say there was no blood? ;)

Well, you definitely have a lot of action in this chapter. And I'm sure there was just the same amount in the first chapter. Sometimes it's hard to write an action scene because there is so much going on and you're not sure where to start or what to put into the scene. Yours, however, is very well written. You highlighted the events that were important and you were also able to sneak in some thoughts and feelings of your characters as well.

I know that I haven't read the first chapter, but I don't think I missed out on a lot. All I am missing here is the character introductions and the beginning of the plot line. My point is, you've done a good job continuing the story and making sure we understand what is happening next. It's obviously going to take longer than just a few chapters to develop characters and the story. You've got a great start here though.

If you just go back and fix those few grammar mistakes I pointed out, this chapter will be great! I like your characters and I got a pretty good idea of who they are.

Guess this means I'll have to come back later and read the first chapter, huh? ;)

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




EPICnumber1 says...


Aw thanks for that review Noelle I will fix those grammer mistakes the second I have finished some school stuff :)



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Sat Aug 16, 2014 7:29 pm
AdmiralKat wrote a review...



Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...

You have many grammatical errors and what I advice is to put this work in Office Word and fix the mistakes that it points out. Some of your paragraphs are a bit too long and should be split in half so that it's not as much of a pain to read. Also, why would the principal give permission to Darth to do all this stuff even though she is going to die anyways? Wouldn't she be smarter than that? Is she that cruel of a principal? One thing that could be a solution to this is the fact that Darth could have forge her signature and make a fake note for her and trick the students.

This story has so much potential! You could turn this into the hunger games when they get into the emergency meeting, where only one gets out(but they get killed anyways). I think that you did great with the plot but could do better with other aspects. Try to focus a little bit more on some imagery so that I can see the characters, setting and actions. I think the names are pretty good but the name Darth is a bit cliche. XD You can always do better in these aspects that I mentioned but good job, overall. Have a nice Review Week! Keep calm and keep writing!




EPICnumber1 says...


Thank you for this and I will certainly edit this because I was away for a bit on holiday but I am back now so I am editing all my old work :)



AdmiralKat says...


:D That's always good to hear!




Resistance is futile.
— The Borg