My First Poem: Family

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I like to start off by saying that this poem touched my heart since my best friend's dad two weeks ago (I was really close to him) and this made me think about him (plus i think i cried).

A few nitpicks:

they might annoy me or can be cruel, savage, or even judgmental I think that some of these words are synonyms to each other. Maybe just delete two and it might sound

I don't understand what it's like to want to hate your family This part seems to confuse me since this is about your family or if you trying to say that your family is like others family.. I'm not sure

we don't also agree or get along I think this needs the -agree part since most families do not agree in this case.

I believe that every poem has an amazing something within itself and this has the thought of family since many people could agree that families are together through thick and thin or how when families argue, those are just ideas we share.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.

I remember reviewing your other poem c:
I also said I liked this poem too, so I am going to review it for you.
I like how this is about family. Family is the most important aspect in a person's life.

When I saw the format before, I honest believed you should change it, so I am glad you did.
Also, I don't see any grammar or content errors on this piece, so kudos for you.

I like how you bolded the letter for "Family"
It really gives out of what the poem is truly about.

I give this poem a 9.5 out of 10 c:

Keep up the great work.
I can't wait to read more.

That was amazing but, I don't like how we have to scroll to read the rest of it.

Everything else was really good. I love how you spelled F.A.M.I.L.Y. throughout the poem.

I also love my family so much! I won't let anything happen to them ever! I love everything about this it is brilliant and totally relatable.
It makes me realize that I have it made because some people don't have a family like mine. I feel for those people because they don't know what its like to love a group of people so much.

I love this whole poem and it made my day! I have never read anything like this! Its just so good!

Keep up the good work!

~Sweet

Hello Scarletdreams14!

First of all, I'm so sorry you had to go through this, I can't imagine what it could've been like. But it's good you used this as an inspiration to your writing, writing from experiences like these make you a better writer!

Overall, I thought the poem was very good, and I understand why you didn't use rhyme for this kind if melancholy poem, but Every good poem must flow well, but I think the third line just stopped it from flowing naturally , maybe if you split the line into two?

Also, I think the b on the but of the second last sentence should be a capital, it would make it look better, same with the a on as in the fourth sentence.

Apart from those two things I think your poem was Very good! Especially since it was your first, Well Done!

~Keep writing
Hanorah

Hi, ScarletDreams!

Let's get this review started. *cracks knuckles*

Hmm.. First of all, it's great to write about things to just let it all out, and you're even brave enough to post a poem up here, even though you don't think it's good.
Now, this poem has emotion and touched my heart a lot, especially when I read the message below about your loss (I'm sorry this happened to you:()
Though, with a bit tweaking, I'm pretty sure you could make this poem into a a much better one. Then again, since it is your first poem that you wrote a while back, you may just want to keep it like this, to see how you've improved over the years. Or, you can change it up a bit, and I'll help you with that!

So my first main concern doesn't exactly fall into the writing category. It's the format. It could just be the format issues on here, but if it's not, you should probably just align everything to the left, like a generic poem. Also, the long line of — made my screen slide, and the "You" was hidden, but that might just be because I'm on my iPod. Maybe. I don't know what it's like on the computer. xP

Okay. I'm going to point out a few nitpicks now, then wrap up this review.

Even though we don’t Always get along or agree, I will always be there for them.
As I know they would do the same for Me.

might say that I don’t understand what it’s like to want to

Not bad. But I would say this again (in my second review) that rhymes are the key when writing poems. I failed to find that in yours! Try to develop on your vocabulary and keep writing more poems. Since it is an old poem, you should introduce a version 2 of it now (just kidding, try to extend it a bit). I do agree with the moral of this poem though.

Hello and welcome to YWS!
The third line seems a bit long and sort of messes with the flow of the poem. Also, it feels like you just gave up on breaking it into lines and stanzas halfway through; I would either write the whole thing in prose-poetry, or break the rest up into stanzas (I'd encourage you to break the rest up into stanzas.)
Patients should be Patience.
I like that the first half spells out Family, though I think this would be a bit more meaningful if it was like an acrostic, so the letters were at the beginning of each line, or if the words taken separately from the poem made a sentence that reflected the theme of the poem.
There's a really good moral in this poem, about how important family is and how we should treat them. I appreciate that. I think you could have a tad bit more imagery or colorful language in it instead of stating it quite so simply, but I think it works.
Great poem, thanks for sharing. I hope this review helped!
-tgirly

First I'd like to say I am so sorry for your loss.
For a first poem this is very good and I can tell it was written with a lot of genuine thought and emotion.

It's not completely clear if everything above the line is part of the poem, if I were you I think the last line starting with "FAMILY. IS. EVERYTHING..." should be part of the author's note rather than part of the poem. If you want to leave it in maybe just write "FAMILY. IS. EVERYTHING" with normal capitalization/punctuation and if you want to accent it just bold and italicize it for emphasis.

The only real spelling or grammar issue I saw was that you misspelled "patience" in line 6. Also you might want to capitalize "Loyalty, Faith, and Hope" in line 5 to be consistent with the line under.

I really enjoyed the formatting of this, you take the normally childish acrostic like structure but take it up a notch and make it sophisticated and beautiful with a heartfelt message.

In the 3rd line I would take out the phrase "on the same things" because it's a little unneeded and is just adding extra words.

This poem has a good message for people to read and I'm glad that you were able to find some comfort in writing this poem. Again I'm very sorry for your loss, good luck in all of your future writing.

-alliyah