As I sat on the ground listening to the world around me,
colors dance across the scene.
Catching my eye, beautiful birds jump branch to branch singing a playful tune.
Light shines through the tree tops, glistening down on me,
like beams of heaven's fragile touch.
I imagine children playing,
the fantasy of fairies dancing and humming to a song of the wind.
Something beckons me back into a world so unreal.
Ripping me from the clutches of reality,
I imagine myself doing things I never could.
I reach up to touch the leaves, fine patterns imprinted across their skin.
The clouds remind me of angels gliding across the skies.
Nature seems to hum its own peaceful tune.
Blossoms fall gracefully to the ground like powdery snow on a fine winter day.
The breeze reaches out to touch my cheeks gently passing me by.
I can see myself climbing this mountain,
stretching out to touch my fate to see where it may lead my soul.
Forever too keep in eternal bliss
Forever mine, In this world full of fantasy.
________________________________________________________________________________
I wrote this before I hit a dark time in my life. It's amazing what I can find when I go through my computer files. This is also incredibly old and needs to be updated badly. Please notify me of any grammar or punctual mistakes as well as any structure mistakes in the poem.
Thank You!
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128,850 Literary Works • 671,496 Reviews
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i would like to begin on how you have used imagery in this poem to make the reader feel or smell or see all of the things in this jungle of your own fantasy.
When I read a poem, i look for any mistake or anything that would need to be changed but as i read this poem i see none but one nitpick i see and that is i see myself climbing this mountain. I thought this was set is a jungle, it said no where in this poem you were taking us on a journey to a mountain. Maybe change it to, climbing these tall trees, into the canopy to join the birds that sore since after all you are in a jungle (i think).
Over all, when i read this poem also is that this makes me think of a dream i had once where i was in a jungle, filled with bright birds flying around singing songs and i could smell the flowers ' aroma drifting throughout where i was at. This poem also might hold a message saying that life can be replaced with a fantasy, and you may never want to leave this fantasy since the fantasy is so much better than your life.
I enjoyed this poem and hope you continue writing,
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
As in 'mountain'. I didn't mean literally a mountain. I meant mountain as in a journey of life. Climbing the mountain to succeed and achieve happiness. I took a less literal turn and I apologize if I wasn't straight forward enough.
wowowowowowwoowow. This is gooooood. XD
DONT CHANGE IT IS PERFECT.
ILOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT.
Very raw, very real! Your a very talented writer, keep writing PLEASE. I'm not good at poetry but this makes me want to give it a try :3
Maybe one day.
I really didn't think anyone would like my poetry! I suppose I was wrong, I am happy that so many love this piece and I thank you for your comment!
Hello, ScarletDreams14!
It was such a pleasure reading this poem! I noticed that you said it was old and needed to be updated, but for something that seems so raw, you may want to leave it like it is.
The description that you used was amazing and I loved how you described nature so beautifully. Having so much imagery in a piece of writing definitely makes it more exciting to read and, personally, leaves me wanting more.
My favorite line would have to be "I reach up to touch the leaves, fine patterns imprinted across their skin."
Slightly personifying the leaves makes the fantasy aspect of this poem seem that much more potent and it just adds something extra special. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
XOXO
Anabelle
Why thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it and thanks for your review!
This is really well written, and a joy to read! I loved how you put all the imagery into this, it clearly painted a picture in my mind. I absolutely love it when authors do that, I feel like it makes the piece that much more amazing.
The only things I saw were
blossoms fall gracefully to the ground like powdery snow on a fine winter day.
You need to capitalize 'blossoms'
Honestly, that's the only thing I could find. And I looked pretty hard! So very well done.
Sorry I couldn't give you too much critiques, but this was just amazing!
Thank You! I'll fix that mistake ^^
This is a lovely poem with lovely imagery! The descriptions are really nice as well as the similes. Very well done.
I'm gonna get a bit nitpicky, so bear with me here. Most of these are grammatical, so it's not too hard to fix. There are a few missing commas, for example: after eye in the third line, after leaves in the fourth line, I believe the semi-colon after mountain should be a comma, but I could be wrong.
Heaven's in the fifth line should have an apostrophe, as well as leaves' in the eleventh line. I think there should be a period after skies in the twelfth line. Too in the second to last line should be to. Fantasy is spelled incorrectly the first time time you use it. I think that's all the grammatical errors. I may have missed some, though, so don't hate me.
The only thing that bugged me was repetition of certain words like leaves, touch, ect. Maybe rearrange the sentences or use synonyms.
Okay, nitpicking over! All in all, I really liked this poem, especially the ending. The imagery was superb. Keep up the good work!
I appreciate your review! I will fix those issues right away ;D
Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.
I personally like this poem.
Not only because it was well-written, it's also because it comes from the heart.
I know this is based on a dark moment in your life, but I still like this poem either way.
Nitpicks:
- The only thing I noticed was a couple of typos in the title and the poem itself.
Fantacy - Fantasy
Other than that, I enjoyed this piece very much.
You have a true, unique and natural talent when it comes to poetry.
Keep up the great work.
I can't wait to read more.
P.S - I read your FAMILY poem. I liked that one too c:
Thank You! I'm surprised anyone liked this, I thought I sucked at poetry! Oh and thanks for pointing out that typo! I'll fix it right away! ;D
Hey! This could be great lyrics for your dad! You know!
Eh maybe, I'm sure he'd like darker lyrics though.
lol