Young Writers Society

Tigerlilly here for a quick review!

I have read many of your poems, and I must say, this one has to be my favorite. Like I've said before, you speak the truth in your writing, which is very admirable. And you do it in such a way that is truly flawless... Nothing wrong with the grammar, the message is superb, and the rhyme flows perfectly. I don't know how you do it. I wish I could be as talented as you.

I must say that my favorite stanza is the last, because it ends similarly as how it had started. Both the beginning as well as the end were very strong, and the message was carried across well in the middle stanzas.

Great job, and keep writing!

I saw your author's note, and that helped me realize that you were playing devil's advocate when it comes to the topic of the American Dream. In a way, the devil's advocate view can be true, especially because of the recession we are in right now, and some other countries don't have the freedoms we have. What made this poem interesting was your choice of words to add to the debate. This is just interesting to read something that's completely different from the readers own beliefs. People live in bubbles, and it's good to hear something different, even if they may not like it, for a change.

Hi there! I'm EmoChikXoX (stupid name I know) and I am going to review your poem today!

Please excuse my reviewing skills, because this is my first review in quite a while so I have probably lost my touch! And also I am not one of those mean and harsh reviewers, although I do pick out the bad points if there are any:)
So I am sorry if it sounds like I am droning and rambling on during this.. I tend to that. But anyway on with the review!

Firstly, I like the title. It makes sense and yet at the same time it doesn't. In my mind rainbows are nice delicate things that symbolise peace and love, but the fact that you have added a negative to a positive is in some way imaginative. So well done, it is always good to entice in the reader

I like how you have based this on fate, and destiny and that sort of thing. Its good and an original idea. I haven't read a poem like this, and trust me I do like poetry a lot. My preferred stanza would have to be the last one. It finishes off the poem nicely, and it doesn't give you the need to keep writing, (if you get what I mean). I also like how the last line is almost like the first with the 'rainbows' and 'broken' which I think is also quite cool

The words that you have used are also rather good, like 'seldom'. I like that word, I don't know why however. I also like how you have done every 2nd and 4th line as a rhyming couplet, that's also adds another tick in the reviewing box.

Finally we have come to the end of this review my friend. I haven't been able to pick out any faults with your really awesome poem, (which in case you didn't get the message, I love it!). Well done for the wicked poem! I am sorry this has been an utter disaster for a review and I'm sorry that it is boring...and that I rambled on.. quite a bit.

But anyhow, I hope this helped.. in some way?
Can't wait to read some more of your work, keep it up!

Love,
EmoChikXoX

Well this was a rather depressing poem, at least I know what you are saying though which is good. I did love it despite how negative it is. I also LOVE italics ! Just wondering, why do people put periods in between stanza's a lot? Although I felt it didn't quite fit as well as it should:

"Some of us cower

And hold up our shields

We tend to our wounds

That can never be healed "

I like that stanza best because of the truth it holds as does the rest of your poem, it exposes the reality of life which is nice for a poem because a lot of them are to unrealistic or heavy with over biased depression but yours was factual and crisp. I really have nothing bad to say just wanted to say that.

Keep it up, Kat

That was an amazing poem! I was hooked immediately after the second stanza was finished and from then on I was immersed. There is nothing I can correct you on that hasn't already been stated, so this review will be chiefly praise. The first two stanzas and the final one are my favorites. Those three summarize the poem and explain the title. I can't wait to read any upcoming poems; you are a great poet!

Good afternoon (at least it's afternoon for me...)!

Okay, so I'd like to start off by saying: oh my i love this.

The first stanza just drew me in entirely. Hook, line, and sinker. Starting out with an almost cynical look at fairytales was something different. Good different.

"Like a layer of shattering shale" <-- alliteration makes me smile just sayin'.

"Some people are lucky, some people win,
But everyone else tends to bleed" <-- this line was definitely one of my favorites. it continued on with the narrator's outlook on dreams and life really well.

The penultimate stanza seems a bit off to me. Like it just doesn't quite fit in with the rest. It could be with the "t'was" or the third line. I can't even tell you how to make it flow more easily, so sorry :/ but I did think the first line stood out. I detected a hint of desperation because of the repetition of the word "try."

"Rainbows can't heal the broken" is a wonderful ending line. There's a feeling of finality I got after reading it, like there was no possible way to sway the narrator's beliefs.

I just really really liked the tone of this. It was emotional, though it stuck to a small range of emotions, and beautiful despite the views it contains. There's just something about a cynical poem that draws me in. Is that bad?

Anyways. The rhyming was great and it flowed really well. I'm not sure if adding the punctuation would change that, but it's your choice

Always,
DarkHeart

Hi! First review from me in a while, so I'm a bit rusty.
First off, very nice piece! It was unexpected, as the title seemed a bit more uplifting than I imagined. Nonetheless, the poem was very well made and although the punctuation is the way it is(I know you don't want to mention it), it fits the piece well and actually adds to the steady flow you get while reading.
The poem is a depressing one, but I also felt that it creates determination among the readers, almost to prove the speaker wrong, so that rainbows can heal the broken.
I liked your use of "t'was". Older words are seldom used nowadays and the phrase fit perfectly in the stanza.
Overall, great job! I honestly read this and want to go out and become one of the great persons you speak of, if only to not become one that cowers!
Hope to see more from you soon!