We dreamt together once,
drinking cheap wine on this tattered couch,
toasting to the day
you'd play for the world.
No one ever makes it,
but I always knew we would.
The shows got bigger
and the fans grew louder.
Now your song floods the radio
and you drink champagne.
Every morning, I remember
the dream came true and I'm alone
while you're somewhere between cities
and I'm waiting for your call.
No one ever makes it,
but I always knew you would.
Sorry I can't come to the phone right now.
That's all I hear these days.
Is it because you're really busy
or are you just sick of screaming?
I'm sorry I get motion sick
and I can't be your rock star girl,
but I loved you from the first chord
and you can't let me walk away.
No one ever makes it,
but I know we still could.
Author's Note: This is my entry for FatCowSis's "Song Poems" contest. My song was "Ships in the Night" by Mat Kearney. It's still rough, but I decided I wanted it up before Review Day.
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139,285 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hey darling! Here as requested.
Okay, so I have never heard the song "Ships in the Night" before, but I gave it a listen and I think you did a better job than he did. I honestly didn't really like the song much, and the official video is distracting xD
I'm sorry if I can't give helpful critiquing because I couldn't find anything wrong with this. I really liked it. I liked the story you told through lyrics, and the short chorus was probably my favorite, especially the way you spiced it up at the end.
I think my favorite part was
I'm sorry if this isn't much help, but there isn't anything I see that could be fixed. The only real suggestion I can think of is: find a way to convey more emotion into this. The narrator sounds hopeful and in pain, yet I can't feel her emotions, y'know. Maybe work on that?
But again: beautiful. Much better than the original x)
Thanks! I actually liked the original but it felt a little one-dimensional, like he was blaming the girl for all the problems.
This isn't actually supposed to be a song, just a poem inspired by the song. I will think about how to add more emotion without sounding too cheesy ("I'm crying because I'm so alone! Waah!!")
Hey niteowl! Strange here, and I have a review for you! Now, the reason why I chose one of your poems is I asked someone "Where can I review good poems?" and they mentioned you.
I'm glad they did.
I like how this poem captures love and emotion. This made me smile. It was so well done. The most powerful lines were
"No one ever makes it,
but I know we still could."
Great way to end off a poem. This really left me speechless. There is nothing to criticize, and there is nothing I didn't already say
Overall, fantastic
Strange gives you...
Off the charts!
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend *Hair flips*
Paint the roses red, my dear
Hm...I wonder who said I write good poems. It certainly wasn't me.
Anyway thanks for the review and praise! 
I love what you did in this piece. The way that she still loves him even though he left her in some way. The prospect of hope in the story is truly inspiring because no matter how bleak something may seem there is always hope. Hope for happiness and joy and hope love. I also loved the originality about this piece. You took a simple idea and made into something so much more. You made it into a unique version of a love story. I think that is what makes this so great. Originality.
Thanks!
That sent shivers down my spine. It seemed so real, and in a light much different than i ever thought of that song before. Truly makes the tragedy come to life, yet at the end the voice of hope rises out of the despair. Wow. I am taken aback. don't stop doing what you do. You have a vivid imagination and excellent writing skills. I can't get enough. I'm reading it over and over and over to myself. The two way street: showing the fame and how it split a relationship apart, and the upsides and downsides to that. Merciful Heavens! Keep writing good material like this and you will make whatever you are shooting for!
Thank you!