Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic

E - Everyone

Misty Mountain

by Gcracker051595


A misty mountain

Shrouded by air thick with moisture

That covers the fruitful landscape.

Such emptiness beneath it all,

Yet such beauty in our eyes.


The tree whispers sweetly;

Silently to its ever-changing leaves,

Pleading that they don't

Die again come fall.

Veiled by the moist haze

The tree will never understand the emptiness;

Everything is made to be unmade --

Empty.


Here on the Misty Mountain,

The air is thick with moisture,

Clouding the perspective

Of the human mind...


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
193 Reviews


Points: 408
Reviews: 193

Donate
Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:28 pm
Niraco wrote a review...



This poem I felt was very well written and enjoyed the unique take on this subject matter. The emotion put into this poem shines through brightly.

The tree whispers sweetly;

Silently to its ever-changing leaves,

Pleading that they don't

Die again come fall.


These lines were so beautifully painful. It was as if I could feel the trees sadness as if it was my own. Phenomenal job you did with these lines.

I cannot really say anything that hasn't already been said other than how fantastic this poem is. It is one of the first poems I have read multiple times just for pleasure. Amazing job and keep up the great writing!






Niraco,

Thank you so much for reading! I am so happy to have such positive feedback, it really means a lot to me!

Cheers,
Graham



Niraco says...


You're very welcome mi-dear :D





Yea your review made my day, so thank you once again!



User avatar
1210 Reviews


Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210

Donate
Sun Oct 27, 2013 12:29 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there Gcracker! Nite here to review for the Flaming Keys and the Knights of the Green Room!

Okay, so overall, I really like this. There's some beautiful imagery and it makes me think. So I am reduced to some nit-picky comments.

A misty mountain

Shrouded by air thick with moisture

That covers the fruitful landscape.


I think "covering" would flow better in the third line. Otherwise, good opening.

The tree whispers sweetly;

Silently to its ever-changing leaves,

Pleading that they don't

Die again come fall.


Ooh this is my favorite line. Just a pet peeve here: I'm not a fan of the semi-colon in the first line. It's a hard punctuation mark to use correctly and we don't see it as often, so it sticks out. Sometimes it can be effective (like later in the stanza), but here I think a comma would fit better.

Overall, this is a solid piece. Small changes would make it even better. Keep writing! :)




User avatar
66 Reviews


Points: 569
Reviews: 66

Donate
Sat Oct 26, 2013 8:38 pm
RainbowPowerPonies wrote a review...



Hi! Crystal here! This is my review for you! ;)

The tree Whispers silently;

There was only one mistake here, you capitalized the 'W' in whispers but it was in the middle of the sentence and was not a specific name of a place. Also I caught one more mistake but it may just be how I read it:
Pleading that the don't
Die again come fall.

Okay so I am a capitalization freak! :) It's that you wrote: Die again come fall. But you didn't make the part above it end. See, that again might just be how I read it but hey better safe that sorry! :) Every thing else was fantastic! I was amazed, look forward to reading more from you and have one more thing to say. Keep writing!!! ^^
~CrystalPony21
P.S sorry, I couldn't figure out how to quote you, :( if you know how please reply telling me how and I'll edit it! Thanks! ;)




Iggy says...


You can use BBCode when making a review! Just use the quote tags - [quote] [ /quote] (remove space)





thanks!!!





CrystalPony21

"Die again come fall" isn't a separate sentence, it is still part of the whole sentence reading "The tree whispers sweetly; silently to its ever-changing leaves, pleading that they don't die again come fall." I hope that helps clear that up a bit! but thank you for reading and I am glad you enjoyed the piece. I would love it you read some previous postings even if just for fun!

Cheers!
Graham





Im talking about the capitilazation of your sentences
but thanks anyway!! ;) ^^
~Cry




All we can do is our best, and hope that it was enough.
— CandyWizard