A misty mountain
Shrouded by air thick with moisture
That covers the fruitful landscape.
Such emptiness beneath it all,
Yet such beauty in our eyes.
The tree whispers sweetly;
Silently to its ever-changing leaves,
Pleading that they don't
Die again come fall.
Veiled by the moist haze
The tree will never understand the emptiness;
Everything is made to be unmade --
Empty.
Here on the Misty Mountain,
The air is thick with moisture,
Clouding the perspective
Of the human mind...
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
This poem I felt was very well written and enjoyed the unique take on this subject matter. The emotion put into this poem shines through brightly.
These lines were so beautifully painful. It was as if I could feel the trees sadness as if it was my own. Phenomenal job you did with these lines.
I cannot really say anything that hasn't already been said other than how fantastic this poem is. It is one of the first poems I have read multiple times just for pleasure. Amazing job and keep up the great writing!
Niraco,
Thank you so much for reading! I am so happy to have such positive feedback, it really means a lot to me!
Cheers,
Graham
You're very welcome mi-dear
Yea your review made my day, so thank you once again!
Hi there Gcracker! Nite here to review for the Flaming Keys and the Knights of the Green Room!
Okay, so overall, I really like this. There's some beautiful imagery and it makes me think. So I am reduced to some nit-picky comments.
I think "covering" would flow better in the third line. Otherwise, good opening.
Ooh this is my favorite line. Just a pet peeve here: I'm not a fan of the semi-colon in the first line. It's a hard punctuation mark to use correctly and we don't see it as often, so it sticks out. Sometimes it can be effective (like later in the stanza), but here I think a comma would fit better.
Overall, this is a solid piece. Small changes would make it even better. Keep writing!
Hi! Crystal here! This is my review for you!
There was only one mistake here, you capitalized the 'W' in whispers but it was in the middle of the sentence and was not a specific name of a place. Also I caught one more mistake but it may just be how I read it:
Okay so I am a capitalization freak!
~CrystalPony21
P.S sorry, I couldn't figure out how to quote you,
You can use BBCode when making a review! Just use the quote tags - [quote] [ /quote] (remove space)
thanks!!!
CrystalPony21
"Die again come fall" isn't a separate sentence, it is still part of the whole sentence reading "The tree whispers sweetly; silently to its ever-changing leaves, pleading that they don't die again come fall." I hope that helps clear that up a bit! but thank you for reading and I am glad you enjoyed the piece. I would love it you read some previous postings even if just for fun!
Cheers!
Graham
Im talking about the capitilazation of your sentences
^^
but thanks anyway!!
~Cry