You try to make bricks with gravel and stones,
Try to build a wall, to stop feeling alone,
But the wall keeps crumbling,
And behind that smile I can see the pain
You don’t want to feel,
But sometimes admitting that you hurt
Is better than not caring at all.
.
You starve yourself, thinking that if you can find the frame inside,
The ribs that hold your barely beating heart,
That maybe you can find what is ripping you apart.
What you don’t know
Is that what you think is strong, beautiful, right,
Really means that one day you won’t be able to fight yourself,
And I will sit at your bedside and cry.
.
Your tattoos are the pictures that your mind created,
The dreams that never faded,
The nightmares that followed to reality.
The words never said,
And the hopes buried.
You couldn’t forget them,
So you marked them.
.
Your scars are the valleys and canyons,
Trying to cut deep enough
To find yourself inside,
But your body heals and the scars fade,
Each mark is a hard earned battle tragedy.
You don’t want to let them go.
.
They only check the wrists,
Not the thighs.
And I know that in your heart, on your legs and hips,
Is where your memories lie.
.
My old baby pool is the ocean,
full of mermaids and sunken ships and treasures,
My sandbox is the beach,
The beginning of land, of everything we know,
And the two broken feathers I found in a ditch are my wings,
And I will use them to fly over the land, the ocean, and everything,
To find you.
.
And maybe then,
When I tell you that you are beautiful,
You will believe it.
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137,761 Literary Works • 672,064 Reviews
Honestly... this is stunningly beautiful. It almost made me cry. I used to know someone like this (before she moved away) and it was absolutely horrible to watch her do these things to herself. I think everybody feels this way, at least mildly, at one point or another in their life, and that's why so many people liked this. For me it really hit home.
My favorite lines are by far the end...
"And maybe then,
When I tell you that you are beautiful,
You will believe it."
Such a great way to finish off this story. Really touching, and just heart wrenching. I also liked the part right before about the broken feathers. In fact, I liked all of it. There's nothing negative at all for me to say.
Just... perfect. Seriously, don't change a thing. The metaphors were beautifully crafted and the emotion was real and raw and I just... can't believe how great this is.
Keep writing!!!! Hope this helped
Thank you. This is based off of a friend of mine, and it took me a while to be able to express it. So thanks again.
What to say... Nothing really wrong with it, just wanted to get something out. First, this almost perfectly describes my, and my friends situation. Second, i cryed after reading this. You, are a literary genius. Thank you. Your amazing.
Thank you. It was nice to get this out on paper.
I'm not reviewing, I'm just going to gush praises here.
This is incredibly good! It's beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time. It grabs your emotion, captures exactly what we feel, what I feel, when I watch a friend dive to these black, empty depths.
I remember so much from this... how it's so hard to help. So hard to stand by and watch. Just like you. I really identified with this.
One of the best sections, as others have already pointed out.
I was a bit confused at first when you started describing a beach. But I got it after this:
And that is what I believe to be the best part of this poem.
Thank you!
Hello!
You captured this idea perfectly, even though the idea is sad and terrible.
This past especially caught in my mind:
I like how you use simple things to imagine them as greater tools to find this person:
It's beautiful and sad in it's own way. Prayers for your friend.
Happy Review Day!
yubbies21
Thanks yubbies.
Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful Review Day.
Technical:
Your "makes" should be "make."
It just feels more powerful without that first "To."
These are two separate thoughts. I would suggest a period at the end of that first line instead of a comma.
Content:
Wow. I especially liked
I'd never thought of that before, and you captured the idea quite well, as sad as it is.
Hope this helps!
Thank you for pointing out those errors. I will fix those. Yeah, this is based on a friend of mine, and people think that she is fine because she doesn't have scars on her wrists...
Thanks again.
~GC
This is a very powerful, emotional poem. You describe so many detrimental, real problems people face today. You have a beautiful choice of language that sparks my attention as I read through it.
Your stanza about cutting is the best so far. 
The last two lines of your second stanza interrupt the poetic flow slightly:
"Really means that one day you won't be able to fight yourself,
And I will sit at your bedside and cry."
Although I think those two lines are lyrical in their own way, there is just something about them that ruins the flow leading into the next stanza. Your message is strongly and elegantly conveyed though.
I love your metaphors. They're so beautifully written, I'm serious!
The penultimate stanza is a bit confusing because it is very different to all the other stanzas, but I still like it. It leads straight into the final, conclusive stanza. This is a very amazing poem!
Thanks so much! I will try to fix what you said, I wrote this a little haphazardly, so it probably needs more editing. Thanks again!