Heya, Lost! Casanova here to do a review for you! Anyway, I'll just do a quick overall review and then be done with it.
I find that the overall message of this poem is actually quite interesting, but the overall execution is a bit bland. Here's some things that would help it out.
Imagery.
Now, imagery is a touchy subject with me. I always believed the emotion in something was better than the imagery,. but poetry tells me otherwise. Imagery helps strengthen your poem, and helps the reader get into the poem. It allows them to put themselves into the poem and think and visualize what's going on. Here you're giving us a shopping list of things that don't bode well, as it's really taking away from the poem. Anyway, onward.
Emotion
Aah, emotion. My favourite thing. Now, it's a hard thing to execute well. You have to time it, so to speak. Now, emotion is good for getting a point across. It's good for having the reader FEEL what you're trying to get across. And it's a good thing as well. But, if overly done, it's too powerful, so I would suggest finding a medium with your imagery. I think that this could really help you out.
Overall though I would have to agree with @Kaos when I say that this poem is a bit rambly. It's like taking a list of thoughts and putting them on paper, or in this case a pad, and just posting them away without any thought of what could make it better. Like you're ranting to a friend about something, and that's not always a good thing.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
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