A Silent Plea

Heya, Lost! Casanova here to do a review for you!

Anyway, I would like to say that this is a step up from your previous poetry. I like it a bit more, seeing as you actually have a bit of imagery here. You're experimenting, good. Now, let's throw it all together.

Right now you have your imagery. A war, a battle, and you're even giving a bit of description about pain. Good! But, what you're doing that I don't really like is that you're just listing it off. You're not telling a story, really, you're just listing off your shopping list. I see the list, but I want the groceries.

How to do this- just play around with it. Just let yourself get wrapped up in the images, and have fun with it. That's really the only thing.

The other thing that I didn't like about you just listing off the imagery was that you're taking away from the emotion. You have war. Things you could have included would have been pain, suffering, love, hate, loss, etc.You opened a big door whenever you chose war as your imagery. Now I want to see what CAN come out of that door. Not the little kid we have now, but the grown adult full of prosper and dignity. If that makes any sense to you.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped a bit.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron.

P.S- I'm not meaning to be harsh nor abstract. Really hopes this helps ^^

Hey! I have just read this, and I really liked it, as I'm sure many others here do too. Once again I do love a short and sweet poem, since it keeps me reading fully until the very end; but this aside, I really found the poem very emotional and relate-able, since many people in the world want war to end and there to be peace all around the world.
There was one small error I noticed, and that was just the sentences lacked punctuation, like commas for example. But this error is small and easily sorted, so it's no real issue!
Overall, I really enjoyed this, I will be looking forward to seeing more of your work!
Jack

Hello!! This piece of poetry was really emotional, but I really liked what you did with it. I can definitely relate and I'm pretty sure other people can as well also. I feel like you could work on this, however, not in the sense that it's bad but with how you come about the grammatical situations. If you get what I mean. As in the periods and commas and all of those fun things, which I myself have problems with.

Overall though you did a really great job with this. Keep up the good work and I'll be looking at what you post more often!

-WTBH

Wow a strong emotional piece of poetry. This is wonderfully written, and I am glad that I took the time to stop by and read this poem. Though it is a poem, punctuation IS alright to add into it. I do that with a lot of mine. Ending with punctuation gives your poem a nice solid ending. Throughout the poem itself the use of punctuation is key while flowing from one idea to the next. This is what I would suggest that you add into your poem- commas and periods. Your poem, as it sits above is a "big" idea. Separating it into smaller ideas that flow into the bigger one is better.
This is how I suggest you add in comma and periods.

"A silent plea-

Sung by the victims of war,

"Just make it stop"

They say as the guns shoot.

As the bullets are shot-

As the innocent die ,

A day passes

Like the one before.

But the land still reeks of hate

Even after every war.

When a war is done-

Emotions rage strong

As the survivors live on

In fear, in guilt, in hate.

So really the real war

Still continues in our lives.

A war with our feelings

Making us all victims,

Even if some do not know.

So now I plead,

"Just make it stop.

Make all the hate turn to love.

All the fear turn to hope.

All the guilt turn to relief."

Maybe one day will pass,

A new day unlike the others.

One that sings and dances

As the war finally ends

And the world is finally right.

You don't have to follow my advice as it is listed above, it is just a suggestion. If I seem to critical I must say sorry ahead of time.

~GreenTulip