I am from the fantastical worlds
created by masters of the page;
from blank pages and books never written.
I am from the second star to the right
and straight on till morning.
I am from the cherry orchards
between valleys of rolling hills of sweet grass
and below fiery skies of sunsets.
I'm from the twisted oaks
groaning against the wind
like withered old men.
I am from the scent of cut grass;
it is the smell of summer,
sharp and pungent to my nose.
I'm from the clang of the dinner bell
as my mother proclaims to the dusk:
"Supper time!"
I am from Julia Rene,
late night slumber parties and dares,
and polar bear attacks.
I'm from the Saturday morning cartoons
from fresh, warm pancakes drizzled in syrup
and silent alarm clocks.
I'm from recordings of apparitions,
long-lost sounds from the past
and faded faces and trends.
I am from the joy of Christmas,
from the remembrance of Easter,
and the knowledge of salvation.
I am from the dog-days,
brought out of the darkness
and into the constellations
of splattered stars
where I cry:
"Allons-y"
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137,507 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
Hi Jadefox!Have a great day in this review day.Here is Dark to give review on your poem.
Where I am From-->The title caught my eyes.And I really wanted to get know about it.Just let me review in each stanzas to make sure I understand the concept of your poem here.
# I am from the fantastical worlds
created by masters of the page;
from blank pages and books never written.-->From these lines I think you are just an imagination created by someone(writer).
I am from the second star to the right
and straight on till morning.-->I don't really get this lines.Why is it a star to the right?
I am from the cherry orchards
between valleys of rolling hills of sweet grass
and below fiery skies of sunsets-->Your 'place of origin ' is a bit confusion even though the diction is good.It still unsuccessful to convey the meanings here.
# I am from Julia Rene,
late night slumber parties and dares,
and polar bear attacks. -->Wow,just I never expected this one!
# I am from the joy of Christmas,
from the remembrance of Easter,
and the knowledge of salvation. -->This is cool,nice and beautiful.It gives a bit clue about yourself.Now I think you actually not a 'creature nor human' but just a feelings?Something abstract here.
# where I cry:
"Allons-y" --What is it?I still don't get the answer.But I start looking the meaning of Allons-y here.These is what I found;
* In French, allons-y stands for "let's go."
* is an old Earth saying, a phrase of great power and wisdom and consolation to the soul in time of need.
Well quiet make sense.I think I know it!Keep it up,I see the potential with this poem.
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
Thanks for the review! I'll clarify a few meanings if you like.
"Second star to the right/and straight on 'till morning." This is an allusion to Peter Pan, which is my favorite Disney movie and I used to have a crush on Peter Pan.
"Allons-y" is an allusion to Doctor Who. The Tenth Doctor (played by David Tennant) always said, "allons-y!"
Now that I have revealed my inner geek, I think I shall end here.
Thanks again!
Well,thanks for the explanation!
Hi there Jadefox! Niteowl here to log another review for Team Rouge this Review Day!
Now, overall, I thought this was lovely. I went ahead and looked up the original, and I think you succeeded in capturing many of the same types of imagery while still making it your own.
Some critiques:
I'm guessing Julia Rene is your mother? I agree with dragon that this could be better expressed.
This is really vague, which feels really weird around so much imagery. Is this referring to home movies? Simply a love of older movies and music? Be more specific or scrap it.
Once again, I agree with dragon that the ending is a bit weak. Once again, referring to the original, she talks about a deeper past (grandparents, the family tree). Maybe you could bring more of that in here?
Overall, this is a great piece. Good job and keep writing!
Thank you! Actually Julia Rene is my best friend and there's a story behind the "polar bears." I didn't want to add that part, but my English teacher required that I add a more specific person to my poem.
Knight Dragon, here to bestow a Review Day review upon you!
Hmm....I found this poem's topic interesting, but it felt a little "random" after
"I am from Julia Rene,
late night slumber parties and dares,
and polar bear attacks."
Now, I may not be catching the reference, but how do polar bears relate to Julia Rene? After that one section, the entire poem just seems to lose focus. You had me up until that point.
And the
"of splattered stars
where I cry:
"Allons-y" " section just felt like the lines were way too short. I needed more than that. You should reposition them or flesh them out a little more. Maybe give us another stanza or two to finalize where the narrator's from.
Hope this helps!