Young Writers Society

I'll always remember the 4th of September as it's my birthday and happens before this sad day.

The beginning just set a great mood for the poem.
I imagine you mean poor children like unable to find shelter, thats just my take
"A day to be forgotten, all molded and rotten" I really enjoyed the flow here
I feel it losses a bit of steam here "the ground spun on it's axis without a spark or a quake,

the earth stayed mellow no reason to crack or to break"

It definitely picks back up at the end its a very strong last 4 lines

Good poem, with some work on punctuation and flow, i'm sure a great poem will emerge.

Keep writing!

JC

Thi poem is really great and right away there is a mood set that indicates a sadder tone. I enjoyed the way it flowed from line to line. Often times, people believe that a poem which rhymes is less mature than a non-rhyming poem. I disagree. I loved the way each line fell into the next and I feel the older writers get, the less they tend to use rhymes. Keep rhyming. It is a skill that will lead you through your writing career and make you stand out as a poet. Great job!

I might come back to review this but...

THE FIFTH OF SEPTEMBER IS MY BIRTHDAY. BIRTHDAY.

Hey, LMJRayner!
This is blackwater here for a review. First off, I'd like to point out how you haven't bothered to use any punctuations.

"the air in the breeze was harsh like the sand,"
The smilie you have used is totally inappropriate. I think you meant sandstorm and not sand.

"the tune on the wind was not music to the ears,"
I'd like to point out the wrong usage of preposition in the above line.

"all molded and rotten,"
I think you meant moulded and not "molded"

But overall, the poem has a beautiful ending to it. If only it had a little structure and better spellings, it would be astounding. It a beautiful piece of work from the heart's eye view but my aritwr's eye picks at imperfections and I hope you don't mind.
Remember never to give up on writing. Keep up the good work!

Anagha

Hey, welcome to YWS. I'm @HomeschooledTeen, here to review your work.

Overall, as a whole, I liked this. You clearly write with emotion, and from the heart. Those are good qualities in a writer. There were, however, several thing that I would like to point out to you.

The 5th of September,

not a day to remember,

I'll always remember,

the 5th of September.

of every girl and every guy.

The gears of the world didn't pause or tremor,

absent were the words of glitz and of glamour,