Young Writers Society

Salutations.

I have returned! And it is still Review Day - fancy that! No matter, I have come to review, so that is exactly what I shall do.

Having read the first and second chapters, I know that Zekrom (or should I say Ryan Zekrom Sparker? ) is reminiscint of a deity, but I am not entirely sure if I should call him that. Anyway, for a deity, he seems to be far too innocent and naive. How could he simply expect to walk up to somebody and say, "Hey, guess what? I created this world!" If I were the man who had shown Ryan his room/tent, I would also have said, "I believe you," but with a little more sarcasm, like, "Sure, of course I believe you." Newborn deity or not, even Ryan would be able to identify sarcasm when he heard it. Of course, if he could actually prove that he ahd created the world, then it would be a completely different story.

I noticed another thing: what happened to Jason? You dutifully mentioned him while Ryan was inside the cloud and when he was outside washing himself, but you never mention him afterwards. Did Ryan forget about him and accidentally leave him at the tree, or did he take him along to the "hotel"?

Furthermore, I cannot tell if Ryan is in his human form as Ryan, or in his Pokémon form as Zekrom. You simply describe his actions, but not what he experiences, except when he first enters the city, but even then, you only describe how he feels about the city. I don't think you will change the story now, but as I have said in a previous review as well, I noticed you are writing the third season now, so maybe you should just keep that in mind.

And another thing: what Pokémon are Mrs Perry and the man in the brown suit? You mentioned that the Ralts-girl is a Ralts (duh), but not what they are. Also, did this Ralts-girl walk around in her Pokémon form and that's how Ryan knew what she was, or did he just know, since he might as well be a divinity in this story. And saying why she (the Ralts-girl) drew Ryan's attention would also be nice, since we literally only know she caught his eye. Does he fancy her? Does he think she would make a good friend (which she definitely will)? We are left with so many unanswered questions.

As always, your work is entertaining and interesting, but it is also lacking in some parts. Nevertheless, I shall continue to review your story, and I am sure you will deal with these problems later on.

A happy Review Day and a great week to you!

This review courtesy of

Another review here! 2 more reviews this time! So far, I Luvdisc the stuff you're making. Actually I only love Pokemon Ultimate Evolution. How does Ryan study that fast? How does he climb buildings and jump from them and land on to another? I am still reading, and reviewing at the same time so I can save time. Never mind. I already read the whole thing. I am guessing that when the sky turned orange, the sun was setting. How does that person just believe that he created the world!? No one would ever say that they believed him if this actually happened in real life! Your notifications might explode if I keep doing these reviews on every single Pokemon Ultimate Evolution. I NEED A SUPER LONG REVIEW AND THIS IS TOO SHORT SO I DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO TALK ABOUT! How does Ryan know about every single Pokemon in existence in a few hours? It makes sense for me because I knew every Pokemon in a few hours. I can name all 649+ Pokemon, but you probably wouldn't want to see me do all of that, because everyone hates when I do that. Why am I talking about my life now!? Oh yeah.... now i remmeber. Why does Ryan Zekrom Sparker switch from human to dragon to human to dragon to human, and that a million times? This is the end of the review!

Okay, Dark~ Here again.
Looks like we can do a paragraph for editing practice!

All over where large condominiums and smaller houses. People moving in and out of them. I jumped down into the street and walked to the largest one I saw.Devon Corpwas written on A sign on the while fence that bordered the front of the building. When I walked in, a tall slender woman in a blue suit greetinged me.

Hello Dark: Jordin here with a note for you.

SparklingGabbi wrote:After I had my clothes ont again,

SparklingGabbi wrote:A nearby sigh read:

SparklingGabbi wrote:"You may not believe find this hard to believe

The cloud soon became white, then clear, then finally, it disappeared right before my eyes, and I fell faster then I had ever fallen before.

I used rocks and sticks to creat a fire and dry everything off. After I had my clothes ont again, I looked for nearby civilization.

I laughed loudly with joy. Walking into the town with a large smile on my face. A nearby sigh read:Rustboro City, the Devon City.I never wanted to forget that name.

before she could answer, and man cam into the room and shot a look straight on me.

"You may not believe find this hard to believe. But I created this world. "I believe you." He said. "This tent is clean inside but the ground is grass. Also you'll have to furnish it yourself. Will you accept.

A piece of Pokemon writing, eh? Not bad. Pokemon is an interesting subject, and it is easy to write about. I think Pokemon is a great way to write a story, with all the different creatures to invent and battle... although I am not a major fan.

You might want to look into your grammar a bit more; you have many small errors such as missing capitalization. I have played pokemon games before, and as your character entered a new town, I could just picture the exciting part of the game where you enter a new town and someone asks you: "Are you new here?" I really appreciated this remembrance because it was a prominent part of the series, and it opened up new shops, trainers to fight, and new experiences.

I know I have probably started ranting about pokemon on this review, but I just liked to share what it meant to me.

Keep up the great work!
Peace out!