Hey Jade!
Shady here with a review for your poem this fine evening!
So, I like the idea behind the first stanza, but it feels too choppy. Maybe combine lines?
~ I just like this better. I changed the last lines a bit, to make more sense, in my mind.The voice inside my head is a torrent of thought,
so loud I can barely hear the world around me.
The train's wheels screech, a grumble of gears,
But the driver can't stop the impact.
Second stanza's all good.
Third stanza poses the same problem as the first. Maybe...
The reality inside my mind is a suppositious society,
so unreal I am trapped within my vision of illusion.
The artist strokes the canvas, a compilation of color,
so stupefying it ensnares the specified lounger.
Anyway, this is a wonderful poem! I enjoyed it a lot.
Keep writing!
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