Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General


ever-shifting waves

by ScarlettFire

And here's another one. Enjoy! Remember, crit and comments are welcome and appreciated! *tosses and hides*

ever-shifting waves

he remembers those hazy summer days,

when things were less complex and

more simple--when surfboards and t-shirts

were soaked to the core and the sun

was blazing hot,

and she remembers his face well,

the way his eyes shone bright

blue in a sky-kissed face, soaked

with sweat and spray and--

summer nights when the air was still

warm and the water for cool, when

those young, restless boys and girls

would light the fire and toast

to the starlit sky,

and they would remember the summer

in december, and january, let it

eventually drift into february and beyond--

--into autumn and then winter, colours

changing, green to red to brown, and

darting away as the seasons change,

and leave memories,

a summer love, a brilliant sky

and the ever-shifting waves.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
9 Reviews

Points: 795
Reviews: 9

Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:10 pm
View Likes
Eddie wrote a review...

Its a really nice poem, though I couldn't figure out what it actually was about. (I suck at poetry, so excuse me) ... But the way you've describes things is really attractive and it makes you want to read it further.
The ending in particular is also great.

User avatar
33 Reviews

Points: 53
Reviews: 33

Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:59 pm
View Likes
elcuidador wrote a review...

Well, Scarz. I like the poem because it's so simple and calming, yet it's so sad making me feel what you've lost. To miss something badly enough to write a poem about it sound pretty depressing :P Anyway, it's very good in general, but I have some things to comment about.

It would have been way nicer for me if they stanza verses were equal. That's just an opinion. Another thing is the third stanza... Umm, run-on sentence maybe? :D The use of simple words may fit the simple image you try to sketch for your readers, but sorry sometimes it just feels too simple and needs more imagery. Especially the second to last stanza.

I know it's the topic is too normal to pack more emotions and imagery into it, I feel you. Sorry if this review is too picky, but better the ugly truth than false hopes.

P.S I feel bad for the notebook for having to live with that awful handwritting tattooed on it xD

User avatar
1314 Reviews

Points: 23411
Reviews: 1314

Fri Mar 22, 2013 3:39 pm
View Likes
Hannah wrote a review...

So! This is probably a poem really close to your heart. We have all lived through summers and maybe the idea of missing them, that they're caught behind the wall that is autumn, and we're always going forward in time.

But it's a very bland poem! Your summer is intense in your memory because you know the specific things that happened. And saying, "omg that summer was so good" doesn't give anyone else any idea of those specific things or why they are precious to you. You have to give us specifics to make us care, or we're just hearing one more person say, "summer rocks!", you know?

On that route, I have to say that leaning on natural images can be really helpful. They're pretty easily accessible to many readers, which will serve to balance the exclusivity of your narrative. BUT! What will be even more helpful will be searching out specific natural images that support your message and the emotion of your poem will be even better. Instead of just bringing out the general red and brown of autumn, find something specific, the smell of decaying leaves your dad burns in the backyard -- the decay smell reminding us that summer is gone, the brightness of the flames as the vividness of the memory, and still the return to ask like the ever-shifting waves -- we keep moving, that image is gone.

Keep pushing this and it can capture that!
Good luck and PM me with questions or comments.

User avatar
6 Reviews

Points: 642
Reviews: 6

Thu Mar 21, 2013 8:30 pm
View Likes

I really like this poem. So what is this really about? I cant really tell. is it about a crush or something else? But all in all this is a pretty good poem!

ScarlettFire says...

It's about summers by the beach during my teen years and how I miss them now that I'm older and no longer near the beach, and it's about crushes and lazy days in sun and surf. Thanks for the comment!

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain