ever-shifting waves
he remembers those hazy summer days,
when things were less complex and
more simple--when surfboards and t-shirts
were soaked to the core and the sun
was blazing hot,
and she remembers his face well,
the way his eyes shone bright
blue in a sky-kissed face, soaked
with sweat and spray and--
summer nights when the air was still
warm and the water for cool, when
those young, restless boys and girls
would light the fire and toast
to the starlit sky,
and they would remember the summer
in december, and january, let it
eventually drift into february and beyond--
--into autumn and then winter, colours
changing, green to red to brown, and
darting away as the seasons change,
and leave memories,
a summer love, a brilliant sky
and the ever-shifting waves.Points:
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137,428 Literary Works • 672,015 Reviews
Its a really nice poem, though I couldn't figure out what it actually was about. (I suck at poetry, so excuse me) ... But the way you've describes things is really attractive and it makes you want to read it further.
The ending in particular is also great.
Well, Scarz. I like the poem because it's so simple and calming, yet it's so sad making me feel what you've lost. To miss something badly enough to write a poem about it sound pretty depressing
Anyway, it's very good in general, but I have some things to comment about.
The use of simple words may fit the simple image you try to sketch for your readers, but sorry sometimes it just feels too simple and needs more imagery. Especially the second to last stanza.
It would have been way nicer for me if they stanza verses were equal. That's just an opinion. Another thing is the third stanza... Umm, run-on sentence maybe?
I know it's the topic is too normal to pack more emotions and imagery into it, I feel you. Sorry if this review is too picky, but better the ugly truth than false hopes.
P.S I feel bad for the notebook for having to live with that awful handwritting tattooed on it xD
So! This is probably a poem really close to your heart. We have all lived through summers and maybe the idea of missing them, that they're caught behind the wall that is autumn, and we're always going forward in time.
But it's a very bland poem! Your summer is intense in your memory because you know the specific things that happened. And saying, "omg that summer was so good" doesn't give anyone else any idea of those specific things or why they are precious to you. You have to give us specifics to make us care, or we're just hearing one more person say, "summer rocks!", you know?
On that route, I have to say that leaning on natural images can be really helpful. They're pretty easily accessible to many readers, which will serve to balance the exclusivity of your narrative. BUT! What will be even more helpful will be searching out specific natural images that support your message and the emotion of your poem will be even better. Instead of just bringing out the general red and brown of autumn, find something specific, the smell of decaying leaves your dad burns in the backyard -- the decay smell reminding us that summer is gone, the brightness of the flames as the vividness of the memory, and still the return to ask like the ever-shifting waves -- we keep moving, that image is gone.
Keep pushing this and it can capture that!
Good luck and PM me with questions or comments.
I really like this poem. So what is this really about? I cant really tell. is it about a crush or something else? But all in all this is a pretty good poem!
It's about summers by the beach during my teen years and how I miss them now that I'm older and no longer near the beach, and it's about crushes and lazy days in sun and surf. Thanks for the comment!