My NaPo buddy @Liminality has been killing it with the sonnets this NaPo - so here's my attempt at a sonnet! I did not attempt to worry about stress / unstressed syllables, but I think I managed the rhyme scheme and syllable-count. The first line is also inspired by John Donne's sonnet, "Death, be not proud, though some have called thee".
25. joy is no virtue
Spoiler! :
Joy, is no virtue, though some have called thee, a callous vice she may be, for a time when our world wants to grieve, sure maybe i'm too cold, too dark in my own wallowing
but to ask me to smile joyfully, to treat all pain as no more than a sign of a lack of faith, or divergent mind, like sorrow is a sin, lacks empathy.
Surely there is space for the sister of peace and love, yes, joy can be courageous can bring light on a day of rain, but just don't forget when the sky looks bright above
half the planet, shroud in night, can not see give them time, do not force joy, let us breathe.
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
so there's nothing new to reflect on here, maybe that's okay, let's lean back on our old habits, i don't mind tell me all the stories from your childhood again, let me remember how to pronounce your name - these syllables have become too comfortable on my lips, tell me what you're most scared of, let me tell you again why i'm not afraid, remind me how you make your coffee, and the way you laugh at your own jokes, we can pretend we haven't walked here before, like the sun is new to the sky, the lavender a hymn we haven't heard, this spring a freshly bloomed year, and the way home a path we'll discover.
28. familiarity
i think i may have fallen out of love with novelty, and remembered my way back home, the world is infinitely new, but limitedly familiar there are only so many paths we know by heart, or stories we care to tell again, only so many people who can really know who you are.
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
I really enjoy #26 "ask yourself"―just the way it reads and flows so smoothly, and I love how powerful and positive the speaker's voice is. I like how you touch back on the theme of birds naturally throughout your NaPo poems, including this one. I think the concept of birds definitely compliments the messages you're writing about. And all of your doodles are absolutely adorable! <3
Hi, @alliyah! It was really interesting reading where you got the inspo for that penguin poem. I also love what you've done with your sonnet! The way you use commas in each line really translates your poetic voice into the structure. It sort of reflects pausing in speech to me, which makes the poem seem more alive. The transition to the final couplet was apt and well done, as well - the image of "day" being "night" for half the world is clever and insightful. In 26. ask yourself, I like how you developed the image of the "broken edge" to "porcelain" that lets the sun shine through - it's a really smooth way of going to the subject of the piece - the metaphorical bird. The tone for poems 27 and 28 I also enjoyed, and I love how epigrammatic the line "infinitely new, but limitedly familiar" is.
#25, joy is no virtue, was a super interesting read! I can't remember the last time I actively tried to write a sonnet, so without knowing anything about how they're supposed to be written, I'd give you an A just for effort My favorite part was probably when you wrote this:
don't forget when the sky looks bright above
half the planet, shroud in night, can not see
Keep up the amazing work!
-- "And I love the thought of being with you, or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone." ♡
Hey @alliyah! Sorry it has been a while. School got a little crazy. Your poems have been really great (I've been reading from the shadows). I really like #27. "nothing new". Thank you so much for sharing. Every piece is great in its own unique way. <3
Wow! Thank you all for these comments! <333 @neptune thank you - I really liked how 29 turned out as well! And I'm glad you're liking the doodles, I think I'm actually getting better at drawing them over the month, which is fun - there's also a few I want to use, but not a lot of days left in the month, so we'll see if I just throw in a bunch of randomness at the end to make it happen.
@Liminality! Ah! Thanks so much! I really liked how that line worked out as well! Also thanks for the notes on tone/voice - it's been interesting to sort of play with that over napo with all the different themes.
@mckaylaam - I think I accidentally actually used a non-standard rhyme scheme, but it's kind of close to how it should be XD Structured poetry is kind of a stretch for me, so I'm glad it came across alright! Thank you for commenting!
Thanks @bpmzcpl - I'm glad you're enjoying them, I've been having fun reading your thread as well.
I couldn't choose on one favorite poem, but I really love "neighborly concern" (the way it's a rain gutter pigeon that the concern is being given to is very sweet) and "the sky's too far" is wonderful as well ("i" has become a an origami crane - that's very imaginative).
Also, congrats on finishing your whole NaPo! 30 poems in 24 days. Awesome!
Thanks @Liberty! I also agree that I think that one turned out kind of cute! And I'm glad you liked the paper crane one as well!
31. birds in walls and other memories
Author's Note: I was definitely inspired by @Carina's amazing poem for this one - and I wrote the majority of the content a year ago, but did some major revisions on it this month & it fits the theme of the thread so I'm posting it anyways. I also just really wanted to try making a poem like this.
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
The bonus formatting for 'good morning' felt so adorable to me! I enjoy how you're using the different doodles and backdrops to develop the mood in these past few poems. The way you've weaved the metaphors around your subject in 'birds in walls and other memories' is so smooth, it really feels like falling feathers
Thanks so much @Liminality for your comments again! I wasn't sure how I felt about the formatting for poem 34, but I'm glad you liked it! And I'm really attached to some of the stanzas in the "birds in walls" poem which makes it a beast to edit, but I like how it feels crazed in a few spots, but almost like the speaker is drifting to sleep in other places, I'm definitely going to play with the visuals a bit more on that one after NaPo to see what else I can add.
time for some more experimental poetry :]
35. isolation
Spoiler! :
^ the above poem is made up of little "i's" (roughly a bazillion if you want a specific number) and it's supposed to symbolize the irony of being in collective isolation -> we're all individually isolating, but collectively we're doing this together. It also is intended to show how the sense of self magnifies when isolation, as the internal volumes are turned on in full blast; there's little to distract from the "i."
36. and we're back again
Spoiler! :
^ The above version is supposed to feel claustrophobic, uncomfortable, monotonous to read - but if you wanted to check out the readable version it's below, sorry it's gigantic that is not intentional. XD
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
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