tantalus, and what may be deserved...

you were so close, in my hands but
i couldn't close them
palms slicked with worry

it was always the plot wasn't it
i am cradled by misfortune

my path is ridden with thieves
even my blood was stolen away from me
the flesh of my flesh
and what's the matter with you
those who believe in all carnal tales

he's just another lament for all i've lost
ive always been ambitious
maybe too much so
i made a stately dinner for the gods

in return?
my dear son so sparked Poseidon's eye
that he witched him away
what outrage

cursing out the gods was ambitious
if anything at all i'm ambitious

For a moment, when I read the first poem, I thought this was going to be about Lycaon, since he also killed his son and served him to the gods. Then I read the title.
I know lots of Greek myths (I was obsessed with them when I was small) but I somehow managed to not learn about or simply forget Tantalus. Thank you for teaching me about him!
Amazing poems, by the way! Your poetry is delicious (so good beautiful isn't the right word for it, which is why I tend to use delicious instead)!

thank you so much @Darlet i didn't get notified for this ToT i recently discovered him also!! i love the ambiguity and power dynamics in his tale!!!

Love the double image of this last poem and how the two images play against each other - the drowning / dangerous pond image and then the "forbidden fruit" motif of the tree that tempts - the reader watches the subject tilt back and forth against the temptation and then dive in "lungfuls of water"! Where you bring the poem at in the end to seeking joy/fulfillment is unexpected but elevates the poem with even another layer of meaning here.

(Enjoying all your variety this napo fig! Thanks for writing and sharing! You've done great work so far - I'm impressed by how much you've been able to write so far!)

im starting to realize
that i was never allowed to be anything

im starting to realize
that most of my memories are triggering

im starting to notice
that its hard to share how i relate
without noticing its sickening

im starting to notice

that i am holding
a lot of rotting foliage
from years i barely recall

and sometimes i open my mouth
and it comes out
and i wish id never spoken at all

when did i become
so much
baggage

im so fucking

damaged

and im so damned
a bastard boy
from a bastard land

i was given a grand backhand
and all this self loathing
isnt helpful at all

but damn
when you're given so much injustice
you feel small

you feel so small
you might be
nothing at all

all these years ive honed
trying to be brave

painting a skull on my face
and not wincing when
they hit my jaw till it breaks

not flinching when they
dig their fingers into my
raw mistakes

dont let yourself shake

but when the anger quakes
when it reverberates
i feel small

too much anger for my body
because when the damn
finally breaks

when they push me too far
the stakes are gonna be
way to tall

for me to fuck
it all up

ive gotta be tough enough
to make it out of here
even if it takes

pretending

i dont have a spine

[keep the anger inside]

clawing and fighting
doesnt always

doesnt often

help two people
both get out alive

when i break away
i need to know
theyre safe

so i bite

down the fight
and grimly
sigh

and put another
grain in the hourglass
how long will it last

until ive collected
all the peices i need
to escape

and then collapse
fade to ash

i dont care
as long as it isnt here

as long as they arent here
will it be any better
if theyre stuck with my morbid ass

im not sustainable
in environments
unclear

theyll go somewhere safe
and ill go somewhere
that isnt here

for me it doesnt have to be safe
i just have to get them out of here

the longer we stay
the more i feel

fear

of failure

im supposed
to get us out
of here

everything is uncomfortable
when you dont have the answers
and your situation

feels like a failure
and the more that you hassle
the less that you get

and the people supposed to help you
make you feel trapped
they try to conform you
and judge all aspects

when they realize
im never going to change
i might have to fear for
my life

but that cant stop me
from living