before we knew how to break

[removed for submission]

These are all so good! I love the repetition of the weather and beach imagery.

when i was a child i wanted to be one with the water, to feel the sea's gentle embrace
and be carried off to the world. i don't want to be trapped in this place until i drown,
i don't want to suffocate under all those expectations.

An all too relatable feeling.

here i am gazing at you and here you are staring
at her--we are oceans untold, saltwater on different sides
of the same ever-turning planet. irony would have it we orbit
but never collide, an ever-lasting cycle of push-pull.

why is it that you always have to be my moon?
tugging me forever away from my bearings, underlining
every one of my darknesses in light. i want you to see
me as i am, take my hands in devotion and succumb to the tide.

you will always gravitate to her, she who shines more
than i dream of you and me--you will always pull me towards the
stars, and as long as she exists i will always fall back to the sea.
because i can pretend you are my sun when we know that she
is yours, and to that you are the moon reflecting all she will shimmer.

ooohhh there is some good, good, good stuff in this thread!!!

but your june-born pliés were my cover from the storm for a time,
soft hands plying at me till the sun set. that girl doesn't know
that a year later you are a ghost of hands on my neck.
smooth me down and stretch me out, my night-sky maiden,
for you, i dance.




!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i would do it all over again
to see the flickers of light in your heart
when i glanced at you. your eyes like a hurricane,
knocking down everything in their path--all but me.

i don't know if it's possible for someone to heal me
as you did--roaring winds seeping through my eyes
and your fingers through mine.

tear me apart and stitch me back together, sunshine.
i'll always keep these raw edges for you, these firelit nylon threads.

dear laura,

there is a strange sort of discomfort in not knowing how you feel about me. when we pass in the hallways, do you look at me with disdain or regret? i have no idea if i am the villain in your mind—was i the thing keeping you tied down? i have so many questions for you. i wish you’d call me up and tie up the loose ends, but i know that won’t happen. hence the letter.

sometimes we make eye contact, and i can’t tell if you’d rather look away or if you want to keep staring. i want to take you by the shoulders and tell you i’ve left it all in the past, that i’m a different woman now. i’m not the girl who was scared to speak, the girl in the glasses. i want you to know this. i want to look you in the eyes and say i’ve changed.

but you’ve changed too. you wear eyeliner now. i feel like i do not know you. do you know me?

you were the first person to ever love me. (although even that may be an overstatement.) i guess in that way we will always be a story unfinished, a brush of palms and brown-sugar perfume. running down the stairs. eye contact from across a room. that sweet smile of yours. we’re a moment frozen in time, a restricted function.

we will only ever exist in january 2024 and my mind, and i think i need to remember that. perhaps it’s time to let you go from me.

this is goodbye—but just know that even when you’re breaking up with me, you’re the sweetest person in the world. i don’t know if i have any superlatives in your mind, except for maybe “most disappointing almost”.

i’ll always be an almost, to you. but i think i’ve found the girl that thinks of me as forever.

love,

meenal

loving is mourning someone before grief ever began
and near-death experiences that aren't even yours
but i swear, your death would have been mine as well
feeling the collapse in my lungs before it happens
and regret that shows up before the news breaks

there's a moment i thought i'd never see you again

and the sea swallowed you up for a few lonely seconds
i thought maybe she missed me, i'd have gone in your place
and i promise i'll never hate you again if you come back to shore
with air in your chest and water in your eyes.

i avoid the ocean now, she rips through me like
a knife, salt in the wound, every untold story inside my throat-
stabs me with those waves.

finally had a moment to catch up on this thread!! you're doing so well. the latest poem has some really great bones, I think you should continue workshopping that one and see where it goes. Keep up the good work!!!

your eyes search mine for any sign of spring
fingers unzipping every one of my silver-lined scars
i think you run from the static in your head
like i do my own heartbeat and high tide
i know kissing you is never a good idea
i know kissing you is biding time until we both shatter like ceramic
but i am there to glue you back together with my own tears
your eyelashes like branches soaked with rain

and hair tangled into mine, a messy-made lace
this is luck of the draw and i have pulled all of you into my bed
i carve your hips into the side of a dogwood and
try to remind myself my love is not your burden.

you have undone me, unweaving all these unfinished ends
and unkissing me in every place i try not to imagine. uncut me all the way through
with hands like july rain and unremember me when you fall asleep at night.
i am scared i will forget your face if i do not see you every day
and a part of me checks your pulse in my sleep. i try to steal your heartbeat when
our lips meet but i can never run far.
i wish you could unmeet me, someday. perhaps your life would be better off.