Young Writers Society

I'm working on a novel, and posted my first chapter here. I want to get a lot of nitpicky reviews to help better my writing style, and saw your post. So, I'll give it a shot. xD

It basically Realistic/Fantasy, which is an odd combination, I know. It's like a Utopia/Dystopia kind of book. It's Parallel Realm:The Conjurer Wars - 1

So, anything that gets down to the little things, grammar, ways to improve ANYTHING is very, very helpful.

Hey, Alfred! This is Shooting Stars! Do you mind checking this out? It's the first chapter of a book I've started about a little girl's journey.
Thanks! Like A Butterfly Spring:
work.php?id=94568
---Shooting Stars

Sure! I'll give my best to the three of ya!

First piece of work posted on here, would love a review and criticise as much as you like as long as it's constructive haha

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=94614

Hey, I just wrote this poem and, usually my poems are a little too dead on(or so I've been told) but I read over this one after I wrote it and I am kind of proud of it:) But no one has checked it out yet, so I was wondering if you could review for me? work.php?id=94592

People of my clinic! I'm very sorry, but there'll be a very short delay...

work.php?id=94627

Part 2 of Chapter 1 of my story really need reviews on both part 1 and part 2 if I may ask for it

People of my clinic! All your patients will be operated on this weekend! I assure all will be successful! Thanks for the wait!

*Hands over Critic Clinic application*

Hello afredsymon! I would be very grateful if you could lend me your expertise on this one: work.php?id=94743

It's a little long (3000+ words), so save it for when you have nothing else waiting. It's my first attempt at writing fiction, but don't go easy or anything. Rip it apart if you have to. I am looking for an honest opinion. Thanks

Hey, I'd really appreciate it if you review my piece! Thanks!
work.php?id=94811

This is just a short poem I made: work.php?id=94809

I'm not a pro poet so... xD

Your reviews truly seem brilliant.
I would like to post my novel and get some reviews, but I need to make a novel folder or something? How can I do that? Once I've done that, I'd love you to review it so far.
If you want anything reviewed I'm happy to help.

work.php?id=95000
There it is. Could I please have a Quick Critique with a Smiley thing please? Thankyou.

Back in business! Sorry my patients if I am late, but I was very busy these past days, and it is only this week that I'm free. I hope everyone understands! I'm going to tackle these waiting-in-line patients now!

Hey, there! I'm er... NEW. As in I joined today. But I do have something posted already. Sorry, I just want to know if it's a good idea and I should pursue it, or a bad one altogether. Also, I posted it in Writing Activities, as New Story Idea... Comments Please? or some such title. Thanks!

Yours Truly