Check How Much You've Grown

I'm always amazed by how much people change after only a few months on this site. It's not that they themselves change, but rather that they're able to convey themselves more fluently online. Often, someone will join with ridiculous grammar, but will then have excellent grammar only six months later.

I'm not just talking about posts either; the same goes for stories, poems, critiques, etc. It's amazing how much someone can grow in such a short time.

So I thought it would be interesting if everyone posted their first review here. If you're having trouble finding it, just post any of your first ten posts.

Here's mine from the now defunct TYWC:

One of My First Reviews on TYWC wrote:Ah, a guilt story, I nice change from all the others today.
This was good and I like the idea. But you could've made this
longer by describing her walk home more vividly and how she
looked at him while he was going away (ie. His cold piercing
eyes stared at me, intently, as he was dragged away.) Okay,
so mine isn't much better, but oh well. Good story

Dang, this was almost a year ago...

first review wrote:I enjoyed it. The first paragraph confused me at first but when I read on it made sense to me.
There isn't much to critique here, it's well written, the only thing is, the MC was with Mandy and then she got on the ferris wheel with Seth and because there isn't mention of Mandy on the ferris wheel I'm assuming she wasn't there, so why didn't Mandy go with them? I think a little bit of back story on Seth and the rest of the characters, like describing them more would be a good idea if you were to re-write it or something, because I don't feel like i really know any of the characters if you know what I mean.
All in all it was a good story though, keep up the good work.

This was on a fanfic for Protector of the Small. And I didn't know about the spell-check button so there are some typos here (It wouldn't be in the spirit of posting your first review if it was edited.)

Where is this around Lady Knight? The trip to Steadfast makes me think it's before the attack on Haven, but that's impossible because she's at New Hope. Is it somewhere before the epilogue or somewhere after? And in Trickster's Choice it's mentioned that the Scanrins are wavering.

Is this all of chapter 1? Because if it is I'd like to see chapter 2.

What is this leading up to? I expected Kel to dream something to give us a clue, or more of a report on what's going on at Steadfast/the war. If it's a personal thing, my statment still stands and a dream could still work.

Tamora Pierce has got quite a lot of exposition/discription on her work. This piece is lacking that somewhat. Although the dialogue is pretty good. I'll give you points on that.

Where is the seer child? (I forget her name). She tends to pop up.

It was hinted that Neal was getting married soon at the end of Lady Knight. Where is that? Where is his everlasting wit? And I have never known him to let somebody go off without either a healing or being examened. The only time he does is when he's so stretched to the limit he can bearely move. Remember in Page (perhaps in was First Test) he talked Kel into getting the bruise on her foot healed and in Lady Knight he talked Tobe into getting a healing, her into fixing her cold and a whole host of other things.

Awww... I'm still a blame at reviewing but... oh well...

Shauni wrote:Well, i've been reading some of your poems,and this is my favourite by far.I'm new in the YWS and all the others good writers have already corrected you, I have nothing to say!
This piece of work was very good, keep on going!

Can this count as a review?

+.+

Omg, this is brilliant. Posted originally 12/6/04 (not my first review ever, though, which is now dead and gone to teh interwebz): on one of Bubble's poems! <3

Meshugenah wrote:i like it just the way it is! i like the word sweet, although a better adjective might be found, but that's more a personal opinion...

xD Mesh. That's golden stuff.

Anyway, here's mine. Posted early May 2008.

little Demeter wrote:Very expressive, but it had a bit gloomy vibes. I like the way you use words, kind of tying them together, if you know what I mean. Keep on.

lolwut? Keep on? Keep on what? xD Fail.

Also, my English has improved so so much by only a year in here. It's pretty awesome and weird.

Oh, here's mine:

Hi There,

This was quite an intriguing start to a piece of writing. There are several good images used throughout the passage, and this piece therefore has great potential. There are however several details that undermine the passage on the whole.

The first point that should be addressed is the fact that the reader should feel comfortable in the setting that has been provided. Unless there is a purpose to confusing the reader, the reader should be told about the setting of the story, and should be guided into the world steadily. As a general rule, most readers can't connect to a story unless they are familiar with the people as well as the terrain, and one should therefore try to introduce the world and the characters to the reader.

What further discomforts a reader is a sentence structure like this one:
AaquianNotyou wrote:
It felt good running down his throat, this choking smoke that was the product of the burning cigarette held between his lips.

The reason that the above sentence throws a reader so, is that it doesn't flow. It could just have easily have said: "He felt the cigarette between his lips; the choking smoke had never felt so good." This sentence is both shorter, and easier on the eye. It does not disturb the reader to such an extent. There are numerous examples of this same error throughout the passage.

As another general rule, dialogue is generally very difficult to write realistically. Therefore, unless there is a point to the actual contents of the dialogue that is pivotal to the story, it is often a safer route to report the dialogue as a narrator, rather than as a speaker.

A few tips to make this even better:
1) always remember that the text should not strain the reader, and should always flow.
2) If there is a choice between writing something simply or writing something which may not be easy on the reader, always go the simple route.
3) There are exceptions, but unless there is a good reason, try to write with correct grammar.

It's pretty fun to go back in time and find this stuff. Thanks Nate, this was a fun exercise.

I suck. XD

Snoink wrote:You did something very very bad. You switched tenses. Now what does this mean? Observe:

"Grant turned toward the window and looked out."

"But I stop, and our faces are four inches apart."

See? You turn from past to present and then eventually you go back to past again. Don't do this. Some writers may think it's original and drills in the point more; it actually does the opposite. Be careful about your tenses.

I'm not sure of my personal opinons of this story, mostly because I'm from California and snow is the most awesomest thing to me, so I can't understand snow being a bad thing. Even so, besides that tense mistake, this was an okay story. I only say okay because (to me) it didn't seem to have a purpose and it seemed to wander a bit. The wandering seems purposeful so it flows nicely, but it's not my cup of tea.

Oct. 21, 2006

Teague wrote:

Adam_Atlantian wrote:I absolutely love this. Eat the jeans and try on the hamburgers was pure brilliance!

A few rypos that i'm sure you'll find with a quick read through. Absolutely beautiful. I like your one sentence prolouge and the beginning of chapter one. It's like a journal entry. nice way to start.

This pretty much sums up how I feel. The prologue was brilliant and simple. Running a quick spell check would be nice, you just missed a letter here or there. My advice is to read it backwards.

But yeah, overall a great job.

Thanks for doing my work for me, Moogle! XD

*hides under a rock*

*swallows*


June 29th, '08.

Juniper wrote:

There must be more to life than this:

a winter wind and withered kiss

upon these frozen, sun-parched lips;

just orange peel and apple pips.

I love this! I have a strong feeling for poems with emotion and rhyme. I know how they irk some people; and dont get me wrong, they bother me when there isn't emotion to them. But I really, really liked this one. It brings to mind memories and really opens your eyes to looking at things in another perspective. Keep it up, two thumbs up. I love it.

>.>

I blame this on the fact that I really shouldn't have been on the computer... xD

I'm embarrassed by my first review. >.<

i liked it i was a strong poem and it said something

I did not capitalize, punctuate, or...help. Wow. (I even mispelt 'it' with 'i'.)

Not even a period!


*Hides*


But, YWS has really helped.


Thanks, Nate! (Once again.) xD

xD Jon, I *love* it.

OverEasy wrote:Wow. Your use of description is amazing, I can picture everything that is taking place at all times. Every detail is very precice, and the characters are very well developed. I am deeply impressed.

Mine wasn't that bad. >.>

<.<

Kinda.

Personally, I am not a huge fan of present first person, but I can see the pluses (that right?). Anyway, I think your style is quite appleaing, but I am not sure of the fantasy genre. Is it fantasy? I believe you are very talented indeed, but this piece seems a bit poetic. A lot of the time it works, other times it lacks the interest. For example:

"Removed the barrier between us. That’s what I have done."

I wasn't sure what you meant by this, seems like a failed piece of sentimental poetry. I can see what you are trying to portray here - don't me wrong, you're getting there - but maybe you should stick to a bit simpler work for the mo? I'm not sure, maybe it's just taste but keep at it!

Hope I wasn't too harsh.

?

I was actually quite surprised by that. xD

Demi, yours is like the master of lulznez.

I win.

So far, a little dull (no offense), but it has the potential to be a great book! Great job!

That was over 2 years ago.