Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

Just FYI, this book is about this one guy, and, he does stuff, and the stuff is cool, and I really think that you should read this book, because it's about that one cool guy, and the stuff he does.

If you are reading this book then are a nerd. People shouldn't be reading. Reading is stupid. Look, their pointing at you right now and laughing because you're reading this. I can hear them now: "Neeeeeeerd, neeeeeerd, neeeeerd!"

[insert novel here]

He walked up to the door and knocked. She answered and was like, "Hello." And he was like, "Hello, are you ready to go play tennis?" And she was like, "Yeah, just let me get my racket." And he was like, "Okay, I'll wait."

(I hate it when people talk like that!)

'DEATH TO THE WEST!' screamed Santa Claus.

There was an earthquake! And the ground split! Lava spilled into the wounded earth, and endless torrent of molten rock! The people had been evacuated! But the houses were still destroyed!

(God I hate bloody exclamation points... -_- Lol, but that was fun anyway.)

A story huh...let me see let me see...No story for you! Come back, One Year!!!

Don't tell me I forgot to say something interesting again. You know I forget a lot of things. Forgetting makes good stories. My professor said so. He said write simple things. You can forget because it makes a good plot point. I don't know. I forgot something. Is this my novel manuscript still?

This is a story about well feathers I guess and friends and things starting with f like, frisbee, and forgetmenot and frightening finger pokers with fluffy frou-frou hair dos and purple fussy fountains in their front gardens. Yeah.

I always find that the most annoying start to a story is...

"Once Upon A Time"

I find this soooooo boring. Anyone else agree?

RR*

"Once upon a time there was a novel that ate people's faces once they'd read the first two sentences.

Well, hey: you can't win 'em all, can you?"

Hehe Bob.

After a long, warm, cuddly time around the fire, they all decided it was time to go home. But no-it couldn't be time to go home! Fred had just started telling another story about a grizzly bear that died because it got too cold when it was hibernating, so we all stayed. I totally loved the story.

Boobs.

Just wanted to mention that most of the suggestions are like, paragraph's lol. Oh and Surreal=absolutely hilarious. I actually liked the santa claus one.

I stared at the pen as it stared back to me, it seems like it was greeting the pencil, who just greeted the eraser. I felt lonely, even the paper in front of me seemed to have scrunched up in 20 lines.

Long, long ago, longer ago than the War of Lythxenvaldwen, before the first Dwarves of Krunknimakkel had gone forth to mine jewels from the bowells of Mount Ubitinuknuk, a fair elven maiden name Astrefnimiminiwen pined and pined in a tall tower of Epsmettiblep stone, imprisoned by the evil sorceress Xmihatrifba, as she waited for her rescuer, who would be a poor farmboy from Swemimbwiffe who discovered an eery blue sword in the forest one night. His destiny shall be changed forever.