I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

Khalil held the door open for them as the group walked inside.

A hostess stood at the podium by the door. "Hello! For how many?"

Cody smiled. "Four. Six if you count the weapons."

Dawn glowed a delightful yellow. "Hello!"

The hostess stared at Dawn for a moment, then pasted a polite smile back on her face. "Of course. Please follow me to a table." As they walked, Valeri could hear her muttering, "First goblins and orcs, and now enchanted weapons..."

The diner was filled with the hubbub of multilingual chatter. Valeri heard the lilting voices of elves alongside the croaks of amphibian people, and there was a cyclops in the corner. Valeri shuddered, remembering their experience with the giant who'd been using Dawn's jewel as his eye. She distracted herself by glancing at the burgers that everyone was eating-- there were the typical cheeseburgers and bacon burgers, but also some more unique creations... For example, was that a donut burger? And a pizza burger?

Finally, the hostess stopped in front of a cozy booth and placed the menus on the table.

Cody nodded. “Thank you.”

The hostess gave them a strained Customer Service Smile. “Of course.”

She walked away, leaving everyone to shuffle into the booth.

Valeri picked up her menu and read through it, tuning out the chatter of the other customers and the TV right in front of them. "Fried chicken burger... Tuna burger... Ice cream sundae burger... Wow. What are you getting, Vendetta?"

Vendetta laughed. “I’m not sure. There’s too many options.”

Dawn peered over Valeri’s shoulder at the menu. “What are you getting, Valeri?”

"Uh." Valeri flipped the menu to the next page, saw the lines and lines of options, then immediately flipped it back. "I think I might just go with a basic cheeseburger..."

Dawn glowed a dissatisfied orange. "That's no fun!"

"Fine, Dawn, what would you recommend then?"

"Hmm... How about the mango sauce one, with a piña colada to complete the tropical vibes?"

Valeri considered that for a moment. "That... actually sounds good, Dawn. I'll go with that then!"

“Virgin piña colada, I hope.” Vendetta gave Valeri the Big Sibling Stare (trademark pending).

Dusk sighed. “I don’t think they’d be allowed to get anything else.”

Vendetta shrugged. “You never know with Valeri.”

Valeri gave Vendetta a look like >.> then sighed. "Yeah, a virgin piña colada. I don't think I could pass for twenty-one anyways. Unless Cody or Khalil...?"

The adults gave her a look.

"Fine, fine! Anyways, have you decided on anything, Vendetta?"

Vendetta hummed in success. “I think I’m going to get this buffalo burger.”

Khalil hissed. “Cody know that one well.”

Cody turned bright red. “Stop.”

Khalil smirked. “In fact, when he got it-“

Cody covered his face. “Don’t!”

"--he was in the middle of chewing one bite, and suddenly they had to sneeze, and--" Khalil burst out laughing.

Cody sank into the table. "Forget everything you just heard, kids."

Valeri smirked. "Oh? Do go on, Khalil."

Khalil composed xemself. “A-and he went to breathe in to sneeze and-“ He snickered. “-inhaled a pepper.”

Cody groaned. “You don’t love me anymore.”

“I love you too much, and that’s why I have to share these stories.”

"Clearly the opposite is true. Only a true fiend could continue this story."

Khalil patted Cody's shoulder and grinned. "But the rest of the story is the best part!" Xe turned back to the siblings. "Of course, inhaling a pepper is a choking hazard, so I thumped Cody on the back to save his life. And the poor guy just coughed his half-eaten bite of burger all over the table, and the whole diner was staring at us at this point..."

Cody shook his head. “You’re lying. This is slander. I could sue.”

“And at this point, their face is bright red, and Cody’s got a little shy streak in him-“

“No I don’t.”

“-so he’s practically melting from all of the attention. And the waiter comes over to ask him if he’s okay-“

“And everyone died.”

"Died of laughter, maybe." Khalil smirked. "Anyways, the waiter felt bad enough for Cody that he gave us a fifty percent discount on the meal... So cheer up, dear, it wasn't all bad!" Khalil laughed and threw his arm around Cody.

Cody groaned.

Vendetta laughed so hard that their laugh got wheezy. “Oh my god, Cody-

“Nope. We’re done. Moving on.”

Khalil kissed his temple. “Come on, love.”

“Nope, you hate me now.”