I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

"Aww." Khalil mock-pouted. "You can tell an embarrassing story about me too, if you want to even it out."

"I will take you up on that later. For now, I just want to disappear into the table." Cody slumped onto the table, dragging Khalil's arm along with him.

Valeri stifled a laugh.

Dawn giggled madly. “I have so many stories like that about Dusk.”

Dusk glowered. “And I have ones for you too. So tread carefully.”

Vendetta patted Dusk. “Alright, calm down.”

"We should have an embarrassing story night sometime." There was a twinkle in Valeri's eye. "Gosh, Vendetta used to be a mess in front of their 'crushes'... I mean that in a completely affectionate way, of course." Valeri winked at Vendetta.

“And you would usually end up embarrassing yourself around them, too.” Vendetta crossed their arms. “Don’t act innocent in this.”

Dawn gasped. “A scandal.”

"Whaaaat?" Valeri pretended to be offended. "Embarrassing myself? Me? Never." Valeri glanced away for a second. "Except for maybe that one time with the fountain, and the time at the band room-- Wait." Their eyes grew wide as they focused on what exactly they were glancing at: the TV attached to the diner's wall. "Is... is that Joe?"

Cody looked at the TV. “Oh, dear. It is him.”

Vendetta sighed. “This can’t be good…”

"We're here at Washington, D.C., where the famed wizard Josephinzo is currently struggling valiantly against Malacoda and his undead army," announced a reporter.

Valeri glanced at the screen, which depicted two airborn figures grappling over a crowd of people, and back to Cody. "...What?"

Cody shook his head. “Why did nobody tell me?”

Khalil clasped Cody’s shoulder. “I don’t like this.”

Dusk and Dawn floated closer to the screen.

The camera zoomed in on the two figures and Valeri gagged. “The one in the flashy blue cape and superhero suit is obviously Joe… but who’s he fighting?”

Cody frowned at the screen. “Well, that’s a rather unflattering depiction of me.”

Khalil wrinkled xer nose. "He made you look like a sleep-deprived Dracula! Ugh, I'm going to kill him."

Vendetta drummed their fingers on the table. "If he's saying you're fighting them there, but you're here, what does he gain from that?"

On-screen, Joe shot sparkles from his fingers, and fake-Cody staggered backwards in the air. Joe appeared to incinerate a quarter of the “undead army” on the ground below.

“Hm.” Cody frowned at the screen. “Other than continuing to ruin my reputation? I’m not quite sure.”

Vendetta shook their head. "I have a terrible feeling about this."

Khalil sighed and closed his eyes. Some of xer freckles seemed to grow, seemingly forming constellations on xer cheeks. Cartoon five-point stars flickered into existence around his head, almost like a crown. He flinched.

“Wh— what’s happening?” Valeri stared at Khalil. She snuck a peek at the screen, where it seemed like Joe had gotten the upper hand on fake-Cody. The onlookers were cheering enthusiastically. Valeri grimaced and Dawn glowed a worried strawberry-pink, twirling closer to the group.

Khalil opened his eyes, the stars evaporating. "I looked forward, just slightly. Nothing that happened made any sense. He, I, you-" Xe rubbed their eyes. "What happened was-"

Khalil popped out of existence.

Valeri gasped. She looked to Cody for guidance, but there was barely time for an alarmed expression to flash across his face before he also disappeared.

Valeri looked around the diner wildly, then back at the screen, where Joe was descending with "Malacoda" grasped firmly. He appeared to be approaching a bunch of police cars. "V-vendetta? What do we do? What happened?"