I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

"Nope." Valeri shook their head.

"Oh, I sense a story," hummed Dawn.

"I was a completely normal middle schooler, totally nonthreatening. There's nothing to tell!"

Vendetta giggled. "There was a boy named David that Valeri absolutely hated. Why did you hate him again, Val? I can't remember."

Valeri crossed their arms. "Alright, fine, I can rant about David. I mean, there were a multitude of reasons. He was just the most annoying kid ever!" She huffed. "Chewing gum all the time, making that awful tapping noise with his pencil, throwing wads of paper at the trash can-- that, by the way, Ms. Beluga would always make me pick up-- and being an all-around menace. If there was a food fight, he was the one who started it. But that's it, nothing more interesting than that! I did nothing, I swear!" Valeri muttered, "Even if he would've deserved it."

"Oh, no. Perfect little Valeri didn't do anything." Vendetta grinned. "But they did threaten poor David and got sent to the principal's office."

Wormy put her hand over her veil like she gasping.

Otto leaned in. "Yas ehs did tahw?"

“Um.” Valeri glanced away. “I’m not telling.”

“Why not?” Dawn whined.

“It’s embarrassing! Nowadays, I’d use much classier threats.” Valeri huffed.

“She threatened to give him a nice head pat.” Vendetta leaned back. “With a sword.”

Amy snorted, some of her confetti seeming less depressing. “Why would you even say that?”

Valeri elbowed Vendetta. “Hey! I think my exact words were going to be, ‘Stop being annoying or I’ll get a sword and give you a smack in the head.’ Except the teacher was walking by, so I said, ‘and give you a nice head pat’ instead…”

Dawn burst out laughing. “Ha ha ha hah!”

“I’ll never get over how you say sounds instead of making them,” Valeri muttered. But she was holding back a smile.

Vendetta gasped and rubbed the attacked spot. “Wow. First your threaten someone with a sword, and then you assault your own sibling.” They fake sniffled.

Dusk sighed. “I love these stories of young Valeri! Why don’t we get any of young Vendetta?”

"Oh, I do apologize for hurting you so, dear sibling." Valeri snickered. "How about I make it up to you by regaling our audience with a few stories from your childhood? Hmm... how about that time you thought a fairy lived in that tree in the neighborhood?"

Vendetta went rigid. "You wouldn't dare."

Dusk hovered closer to Vendetta. "Oh? What happened?"

Amy snorted. "Fairy in a tree?"

"Oh, yes," Valeri agreed. "I mean, it was a pretty majestic-looking tree. Oak, I think." They grinned and glanced at Vendetta. "And on certain mornings, it'd catch the light just so and rays of sunlight would stream through the branches, dust motes moving through them like bits of pixie dust. Or so they said."

"That was me simply being poetic. I am very poetic." Vendetta nodded. "I am good at making things rhyme."

Dawn swayed. "That's not what makes a poet!"

"Says who?"

"Some very famous poets!"

Valeri giggled. "Did you leave little presents at the base of the tree because it was 'poetic' too? Because I'm sure I also caught you whispering messages to the 'fairy in the tree'..." She smirked.

Vendetta flushed. "Hey! You have no proof. For either of those statements. Your story is on your permanent record."

Amy shrugged. "Permanent records don't exist."

Vendetta spluttered. "Well, I have witnesses!"

"I have witnesses too!" Valeri pointed at themself. "Me and the tree."

"Raises eyebrow." Dawn glowed yellow. "Can you talk to trees?"

"Well, no, but--"

"The tree doesn't count as a witness, then." Dusk hummed.