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zohali93

  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, Teen Fiction
    Re: World War IV:Chapter One

    Hi So I just read this and I got to say I like your way of keeping readers informed yet not too informed. Your hook is good. I can't do ...

    Jun 30, 2013

  • Article / Essay » Realistic, Spiritual
    Re: The girl behind that veil.

    Hi! So I think there's a strong message you want to get across and though I like your way of describing, there were things that I felt made your message ...

    Jun 29, 2013

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General
    Re: Without Destiny: Prologue

    Hey that was good! though I gotta say I was a bit confused about the time. At first I thought she was returning to a place in her past but ...

    Jan 14, 2013

  • Novel / Chapter » Humor, Fantasy
    Re: Return of the Gods #1: Artemis (Chapters 3-5)

    Wow this is long. It's easier to review shorter chapters so I broke it up into section. This review is for chapter 3. Okay so I've seen some change in ...

    Aug 11, 2012

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Humor
    Re: Return of the Gods #1: Artemis (Chapter 2)

    Hey. I think that the story is runing to smoothly.Whenever a problem comes up it's like they find a way to solve it almost immediately. Like when they wondered about ...

    Jun 30, 2012

  • Short Story » General, General
    Re: Never Coming Back

    Hey there this was really lovely. I loved how you used the kitty in this story. It was really adorable and ...wow! The little boys view of the story really ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Short Story » Narrative, General
    Re: Beaten

    hi. I think the voice would look better if written like this: “You can’t stay there forever. You can’t hide forever." It would be more effective and look nice. I ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, Dramatic
    Re: I didn't think...

    wow that was something. Ilike how your first paragraph opened things up. It was hooking from the begining. You explained it so well I could see it hapening in my ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Short Story » Fantasy, Other
    Re: Light & Dark

    hi there. :) I think that this part: Whispered lies in tales of old Entangled, hidden truth remains, A tale, a myth, a legend, Of hero's yet discovered, Through hell ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, Horror
    Re: Blood

    hey. :) I see that you have some grammatical mistakes here. Maria is all alone at her house, she screams in terror. and . The man kicked open the door ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Short Story » Mystery / Suspense, Other
    Re: The Ventriliquist - Part 1

    Hi there. This is a nice story. I don't like how small the font size it because it's kind of hard to see. Your work looks neat and tidy though. ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Poetry » Other, Other
    Re: These Tears That Are Falling

    Hi there This poem is simple and says alot. You conveyed your emotions simply and it still sounds like a poem. I like how you would use repetition. It was ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Short Story » Horror, General
    Re: Blacklist - Prologue

    wow. I loved that especially the ending!! It's so mysterious like I love it. :) It says so much in only a few lines. but I think it could use ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Short Story » Horror, General
    Re: Blacklist - Chapter One

    Hey there. :) I like how you began this peice. It was really interstimg, I must say I think that the idea of Zane being missing is really brouhgt out ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Short Story » Mystery / Suspense, Other
    Re: Lady in the Jar

    wow that was really something. I liked how you made it seem like he liked the jar and what his late wife told him. It was true although I think ...

    Jun 24, 2012


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