ziggiefred

Hello there :) Sorry for the language but this was a "cute" start to a story. Very nicely written because I can already imagine all sorts of events to happen ...

Hello there and welcome to YWS! :) Hmm, I like this; it's very different from what I see all the time. It's like one long sentence though, there were no ...

Hello there and welcome to YWS! :) Hmm, this was really interesting, interesting plot. I liked the way you described certain situations and I like your writing style. I especially ...

Hello there What an interesting title you have for your poem. This was good, but the first stanza, I don't know if you wanted it to rhyme but the words ...

Hello there I actually thought this was a first chapter, but now that I see it's part one...let's forget about it. Anyway, I liked this a lot. Although the whole ...

Hello there and welcome to YWS! :) This was very bland. It did not strike me much as a chapter. One thing that caused that is the fact that you ...

Hello there First off there were some errors in this but it looks like lydia has outlined and corrected them. I loved it. It was so sincere and emotional and ...

Hello there This was actually amusing, this whole business with flies; I have never seen it before, it was creative and refreshing. Apart from the odd spelling errors in this ...

Hello there and welcome to YWS! :) I don't know, some of the rhyming in this poem was just forced and at times it seemed tacky. Like this part right ...

Hello there puddleofpassion and welcome to YWS! Lovely poem you've got here, I thought it wasn't that bad. Good use of imagery. The only problem I had with this was ...

Hello there and welcome to YWS! :) Hmm...I really did not quite grasp what you were going for in this poem. The rhyming at times seemed a bit off and ...

Hello there Supersuirrel Looks like you are new so welcome to YWS I liked the plot of this story, very interesting indeed. But it lacked suspense; I mean, for a ...

Hello there Well, you are right about the errors in there but they are not critical :) . Wow, I love the way you write. This was a very cute ...

Hello there Yeah, you are right about the last stanza, but only the fact that it did not have the same rhythm as the others. So, I really liked this ...

Hello there Wow, I give this one a smile :) . I just loved this poem. It was very creative. The imagery, the flow was just perfect. It was very ...