Nighttime Sorrows

As opposed to my "Like the Rainclouds", this is one of my 'darkness' poems.

I wrote this in seventh grade. Can you tell I was feeling a little suicidal? Yeah, seventh grade was my bad year.

-=-=-=-

I try, I try, but I just don't succeed,
a little hope is all I need,
but it's always lingering just out of reach.
I have no one to follow, no one to lead.

I act normal and happy when I'm at school,
I pretend that life is all good and cool,
only I know it's all just pretend.
I'm leading no one, and under no one's rule.

when I get home, I pretend all is fine,
I do my chores and let my fake smile shine,
but when I'm alone, away from the world,
I unbottle the emotions that are truly mine.

keeping my emotions just out of sight,
I struggle through the days using all of my might,
and no one knows what I truly feel.
no one knows the tears I show at night,

"is it all worth it?" I wonder every day,
pretending to have fun, pretending to play,
hiding my feelings and struggling through,
no path to follow, just one visible way.

I had kept hoping life would improve,
circumstances to change, problems to move.
but nothing improved, and nothing changed,
though there is a single life I could remove.

I've thought it through, there are no other ways,
going through life, the slow moving days,
But there is one thing that I can do.
if I go away, everything else stays.

if I disappear, no one will care,
no one will notice my absence there.
life is now worthless, if only to me.
I'm leaving the world, with one last prayer.

I pray that no one else will be like me,
living a nightmare that no one can see,
pushed to their limits, a little beyond,
by harsh words of who they wish they could be.

I pray that those people will learn and know,
that they're killing people by making fun for show.
with this knife to my chest I leave the world in peace,
and now to Summerland, and Heaven I go.