Horizon
Fear holds you back shivering inside,
Although to not let people see it out of pride,
Your heart thuds in your ears,
Making it so hard to hear.
The walls close in you look around,
You try to close your eyes blocking out the sound,
As it crashes around you like chaotic cymbals of no rhythm or tune,
Hitting wave after wave like a furious typhoon,
And you watch the horizon, waiting to for the sun to soar up above the hills,
Waiting to see that fiery glow which seems to fill,
Your heart with hope and a too familiar chill,
That runs down your spine as the tone tills. Signaling start of day.
Hold on till you see that sun over the horizon. Take my hand and we’ll go together,
Even if it means it takes forever,
Until we cross that mountain in the path,
To look back and give a small laugh,
And the mountain now a speed bump.
You pant, adrenaline slowing, your heart making a thumpity thump,
As a fire sparks, there, in your eye,
Or more importantly in your heart and I,
Love standing there watching you enjoy your triumph.
That glow in your heart being enough,
To make me happier and happier still,
As I look up to that horizon filled,
With hope for you and taking heart,
That you’ve come long ways since there at the start,
Where your journey began so long ago,
Where you lost many friends and fought many a foe,
Some win some losses,
Just remember everything happens for causes,
That we may not know yet or understand,
But I’m still here so take my hand,
And we’ll trudge farther on,
Just hang on, just hang on,
And gaze at that horizon whenever you can.
And think of how you’ve grown and take your stand,
In the crowds of life and just gaze,
Through the low and foggy haze,
But look up at that and find that fire,
For that is my true desire,
Is to see you strong and who you are,
Even if it means we walk so far.
Just keep your eyes on that warm glowing star we know as the sun,
As it seeps back over the horizon once again done
But know that it will always come,
And hang on to your hope of a better day
For by doing so it seems to light your way.
So take my hand and let’s walk on.
Let us look to the horizon, that strange, strange, horizon.
Filled with hope and tears,
I have regained my ears,
My heart still afraid, but never delayed,
We will be scared, we will get hurt,
We will get cranky, and sometimes curt.
But let us acknowledge this bright new day…
For I hope to be here…
Every step of the way
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Hola! I agree that this poem does get a bit lengthy especially at the end. So, the second line of the poem seemed a little awkwardly worded to me. To see what? Also the rhyming seemed like it didn't have an exact pattern. I mean, it rhymed the whole way through, but somewhat randomly. Two lines here, three lines there. Edit it down to the parts that really tell what's going on, that really explain the message you're trying to get across.
Hi ScarrTwiggy,
This is a long and convoluted mess. You repeat your ideas quite a lot and it looks like it needs some good editing shears to cut it down to manageable size. The reader is left stranded in a jungle of words and there's no easy way to the end. I have to admited I got about half way through and got bored, scanned the rest and decided to comment. That's not a good thing. This is in some serious need of revising. I'd recommend a broader vocabulary, more interesting images and avoid repetition like the bubonic plague.
Good luck.
Hello there and welcome to YWS!
Hmm...I really did not quite grasp what you were going for in this poem. The rhyming at times seemed a bit off and forced; also, I did not feel the emotion all that well. As I read it, it felt as if you were more concerned in making it rhyme than conveying that message or feeling in your head. I don't know, maybe it's just me. But on the upside, the idea is pretty good.
Keep writing, this will get better.