wonderland

Alright, so, that was short. You don't give the reader nearly enough detail or emotions. I was also very confused. That day had been so peaceful. I turned 19 and ...

Alright, so, I have a confession. I didn't read your whole piece. I was stuck on your beginning. It was dark and rainy the morning that started my adventures. It ...

Alright, so, that was short, very short. It is a raw spring day in fifth century Ireland where Bridgid, young daughter of the Ard Ri*, Kieran O'Rielly, is tending to ...

Alright, so, this was cute, but that was about it. I found this poem repetitive and somewhat bit boring. I didn't feel anything from it, and I want to feel ...

Alright, so, I feel like that was just a beginning. The piece in itself didn't give me much to go on, it just seemed like a bunch of words. You ...

Alright, so, that ws confusing, very confusing Whimpering like a frightened puppy Skye shrank before her step father as he lashed out, catching her on the side of her face. ...

Alright, so, I know a tiny bit about scripts, so I'll do my best. Joe: Baby, not now. Niki: But I baked you a cake, for your birthday Joey. She ...

Alright, so, you move too fast. You transition through moods before the reader can get a grip on them. Try to slow down a bit, and add more details. Why ...

Alright, so, you're writing style was interesting. You don't give nearly enough detail, description or emotion, though, and it makes this piece kind of lack. Add description to make the ...

Alright, so, I have one technical thing with this. Okay, A) “Snow,” Helena said, tugging back on her reigns. “Go!” In horse back riding, tugging on the reigns is a ...

Alright, so, I'm going to approach another cliche I see here. THe rich, mary-sue-istic Vampire cliche. Why? Although you don't outrightly say that she/her family is rich, I can see ...

Alright, so, I found this a work in progress. you need to give us more of a back story. What happened? Why did this happen? What is your main characters ...

Alright, so, you don't have nearly enough description. Too much dialogue, but not enough description. Honestly, because of that, I skimmed about three quarters of this work. "Yes." She exsposed ...

Alright, so, I agree with the reviewer before me. This was very simple, and I didn't really like that. You use lines like this. Then I fell asleep. That told ...

Alright, so, this has potential. THe main this is, the mood of they day didn't seem to fit the story. The beautiful day almost seemed ironic. Mocking, even. It was ...