Winter Lily.

Hi there! I'm Jalmoc, and its a pleasure to meet you. I was randomly running through the romantic stories, and this one caught my eye. I'm just going to make a few comments.

First off, How old are these characters? Early teens? Late twenties or thirties?
Second, You need to give more detail about what the characters look like. Was Lynn short with long hair? Was Hayden Thin or Musculaur?
Another one, Her schedule? Is she a busy person with a job? or is it a different kind of schedule?

Well, sorry if I'm a little blunt. Lol. I'm not use to reviewing. Just think about some of these things, and expand the story if you want to. Well, bye for now!

--Jalmoc

poojaaa16 wrote:Two hands suddenly grabbed Lynn’s waist, startling her in the utmost degree. She turned around in a fraction of a second and realized it was the most obvious person, her boyfriend Hayden.
“Mmm, g’morning beautiful.” Hayden said followed by a kiss on half of Lynn’s lips. Nothing more but a livid face answered Hayden back. “What?” he asked. Lynn pulled his hands off of her and walked towards the coffee pot. She poured herself a steaming cup and sat down on the couch in the living room. As she was looking for the remote, hoping it would give her an excuse not to talk to him, Hayden made himself comfortable next to her and placed her hands in his. “What’s going on?” he asked once more.
“You. That’s what going on, Hayden.” snapped Lynn. “You’ve been telling me that Jerry’s been asking you to work extra hours this past week, but I heard a message from Riley yesterday while you were gone. He said that Christina was waiting for you at the club, and that you’d better get your ass there.”
“Oh,” was all Hayden could respond with. The predicament he wasn’t going to be easy to get out of.
“Really? Oh? That’s all you have to say? Well then I’ll talk. How long have you been seeing her?” Lynn was absolutely infuriated, and her curiosity couldn’t have been stronger.
“A week. Just a week. And her name’s Christina, Lynn.” responded Hayden, with a very hidden smirk upon his lips.
“Okay.” Lynn quickly stood up and walked to her room, slamming the door shut. Hayden sat back, absent-mindfully watched T.V. for a few minutes , and smiled. Twisted one might think Hayden was to be smiling when his girlfriend was almost in tears, but this man was a brilliant one. His sly conspiracy was about to become one to remember. Just as the show he was watching went to commercial, Hayden walked to their room and knocked on the door. He could hear muffled sobs coming from within and smiled even harder.
“What?! Don’t talk to me!” Lynn exclaimed. At this point, all Hayden wanted to do was cradle her and kiss her face a hundred and one times, but he had to resist for a little while longer. He couldn’t succumb just yet; the rising action wasn’t ready to over.
“I just wanted to know if you thought these were nice.” Hayden slipped a lacey, scarlet red thong under the door that just screamed with infidelity to Lynn.
“What the fuck? You’re kidding right? Asshole, get the hell out of my life and never even come within 10 feet of me! Leave, or I’m gonna call the poli-” Hayden interrupted her hilarious bickering and walked into the room with a bouquet of over 30 winter lilies, Lynn’s favorite flowers. “Um..? What are you doing?” Hayden just looked at her with a face that was ready to disclose something very important.
“Christina’s my helper, baby. She works at You Make Me Shine, that jewelry store on the corner of Hildon Street. I’ve been seeing her for the past week because she was going to make me your ring. Ah crap, I gave it away.” Hayden knelt down on one knee, set the bouquet of winter lilies across Lynn’s lap, took out a little maroon, velvet box, and opened it. His extended arms shook and sweat beads began to scurry out of his pores, almost as if they were eager to see the big event. “So I was just wondering… wanna hang out forever with me?” Lynn’s almost dry cheeks became soaked once more, this time from a different kind of emotion. One that could not be explained, only felt. Hayden’s boyish face, ruffly black hair, and heart-melting smile was enhanced today in Lynn’s eyes.
“…My schedule allows me to, so yes. Yes I’ll marry you darling.” said Lynn in a bucket full of tears and sporadic laughter. Her smile made Hayden’s smile perpetual, and he leaped onto her and pushed her down onto the bed. His eyes were perfectly parallel to hers, looking down at her illuminated face.
“So, what do you wanna do first?” asked Hayden, going along with the whimsical ambiance the couple intentionally created from a serious moment.
“Before anything, where did you really get that red thong?”
“Haha, well when I met up with Christina last night at the club to pick up the ring, uh don’t ask-she’s a party animal, she said she found a $25 Victoria’s Secret gift card in her wallet and wanted me to give it to you as a congratulatory present. I decided to stop by at the mall and pick a little something that had a double meaning to it.” explained Hayden.
“I see. So…what’s the second meaning of it besides pretending it was another girl’s?” Hayden stared at her salaciously, and at that moment, they knew what each other was thinking.

Alright, so, you move too fast. You transition through moods before the reader can get a grip on them. Try to slow down a bit, and add more details. Why would she forgive him? Are they in love? try to put emotion into your writing too. This should be emotion filled with swoops and ups and downs. Right now, though, nothing. Try using what you'd feel if you were in her place.

Other then that, good.
~Wickedwonder