whence

biancarayne>> [pet peeve] Red Wine asa title would be terribly bland. Poem titles deserve respect and should be as beautiful as the poems themselves. [/pet peeve] claire>> this poem seemed ...

Imp, you should probably know that you would've gotten 2nd, but you deviated from the form. The first line of this should've been " sanctus , sanctus , spills" according ...

'The conformity is over'? 'Fraid not. Lines like 'turning a new leaf' are all lovely in their own, horrible, usedsomanytimestheymakemepuke way. Use that lump between your shoulders and write , ...

ok, I'm gonna grip a bit here... I fully understand how you felt when writing this. I grasp it's content, and can note the emotion. However, I don't feel that ...

it seemed to lack much in the way of emotives; that is, it didn't make me feel what you felt when you wrote it. And when I first read it, ...

overall-- good. it was just 'picture perfect' that bothered me to no end. You have a nicely fresh piece here, why taint it with this dreadful cliche? I don't know. ...

ah, I do love a good extended metaphor :D In the instant I noticed that there was another line, italicized and separated, I became extremely wary. A gimmick like that ...

well, you're lucky, 'cause abstracts fit in nicely with my tastes :D However, I do have to agree that you need to work on being emotive. This was good, and ...

well, you've got some images here (rainbow bleeding, swimming through hazy aqua eyes), but the flow (especially in S1) was off. In fact, it seemed more like borderline lyrical prose ...

the over-wordyness didn't bode well with me; and it contrasted unpleasantly with the general light mood to this. there's not much weight behind the words. Yes, it was meant as ...

I do believe this is the first piece of yours I've read. I was pleasantly impressed. So, rather then gripe on flaws, I think I shall propose a challenge in ...

contest is over, now I can crit :D But still, rather then covering specific content, I'll be general in hopes to help you as a poet, not just this poem. ...

the flow got iffy at parts, and the repetition clashed with my inner-poetic righteousness. But I'm in a rambly mood, so that probly won't make sense. Regardless, this seemed over-simplistic ...

I can totally imagine 'Emptiness' being said in an over-dramatic gasp :D Oh, and why is there a rogue apostrophe before "cello"? Your transition in the middle could be a ...

I think I get what Claw means (can you ever really be certain with her?). The subject is touched upon, but you don't provide details to this particular instance. Stick ...