Emotive Literary Bond

"A bond of paper,
our human soul."

I love these lines! This was really fantastic, Chandni; I love it. Though I have to agree somewhat with Claudette: you could have imbued this with a little more emotion than you did. Deity knows you've got a good enough grasp of connotations and linguistic subtleties! ^^ Fantastic.

I liked this poem very much. I think the isolations every once in a while (was it every other stanza?) just drove your meaning further. Though some words were cliche, such as "soul" the way the poem presented them made them kind of dissapear..which doesn't mean I didn't notice it lol.

We anger, struggle, experience-
a picture perfect moment-
enhanced and twitched
by every single;

**My favorite part, also the isolation below it. Great job on this.

Keep it up!
~Rieda

I love it, and your layout is great. I agree with whence about "picture perfect" though. I'm not really sure about "a bond of paper" though, it seemed a little anti-climatic after the couplet before it, which was really powerful. I'm not sure it's totally necessary.

overall-- good.

it was just 'picture perfect' that bothered me to no end. You have a nicely fresh piece here, why taint it with this dreadful cliche? I don't know. But yeah... fix that? Find your own way to say it-- you're certainly capable.

~Ed

I thought it was good. I know my review isn't as in-depth as the others here... but the way you contrasted the short stanzas after the longer ones really made it feel dramatic.

Wow. I'm going to say [and you'll be amazed with this] I actually understood something you wrote! ^_^

I really liked this, but I felt it was missing something. And for a minute I couldn't really think of what it was missing. Then I think it hit me: feelings. You have this wonderful poem about love (my favorite verses being the last two) and there are no emotions, no feelings, I can't feel anything from it I can just say, "Wow, this is really pretty."

That's all I have to say If you'd like some help on this, feel free to PM/IM me.

Each recto containing;

inner bombings,

I don't know if the semicolon is necessary or not, but I don't think it is.

We anger, struggle, experience-

That sounds rather awkward to me for some reason. Other than that and the other semicolons that I'm not sure were necessary, this was definitely a very good, well-written write!

This is a neat poem. It has quite a few good points, and some parts you might want to play around with.

Starting a war and ending it
simultaneously,
causing a sabotaged mind.
Each recto containing; no semi-colon. I mean sure play with punctuation, but it isn't necessary; just leaving no punctuation will give that drop and that space, with the stanza break [which works very well here]

inner bombings,
missiles dropping.

We anger, struggle, experience-
a picture perfect moment- "picture perfect" is pretty vague. The rest of this poem seems very artistically heartfelt but picture perfect always seems suburban and staged to me, like something pretending to be perfect for the camera. Maybe it's me. Still, elaborate on this a bit more.
enhanced and twitched
by every single;

word,
sentence,
space. at first I didn't like this stanza, but I think it would be cool if you played with the spacing. Maybe leave the first line "word", change the second line to a whole sentence about a sentence [be lyrical?] and put spaces between every letter of space. Maybe that seems hokey to you. Maybe it could have good effects.

Enslaved and hypnotized,
feeding our soul, whoa, red lights here. "soul" is a very vague and general and abstract word, and though it's supposed to be very deep and powerful here it really isn't showing me anything or describing anything. Soul, in poetry, is something that needs to be described and expounded on and paid attention to.
forevermore we keep
embracing;

the intense,
emotional
attachment. what KIND of emotional attachment? How intense is it? Describe. Great description marked the beginning of this piece but it has descended into abstraction - I don't mean the abstract itself is bad to write about, it's excellent to write about. But it needs to be described. Metaphor. Image. You had it great in the beginning; carry it down here too.

It’s what happens when
two substances collide.

A bond of paper,
our human soul. again with the 'soul' (though this is a better use, definately, it has an impact) but otherwise a good ending.