tommyknocker

Hey there! First off why not break this piece into a few paragraphs instead of just one 'lump.' Anyway, this is short but it's not a bad thing. The plot ...

Hi there. Wow, this is the shortest "story" I have ever read. There are a few grammatical errors none-the-less. Firstly you need to capitalize yours I's. And you spelled "Literally" ...

Hi there! This is a short piece, but sometimes shorter is better! Anyway, I'd like to know where you are going with this? Surely this is just the start of ...

Hi there! This story is good, but not excellent. There a few bugging issues with grammar, such as you say in one part "have" instead of "had." They are just ...

Hey there. I like the theme of your story and it is quite sweet about the love and sacrifice of Christy. Good work there! However, I think you could add ...

Hey there! Okay I think this story has some great potential and has a good plot line. However, I think that this needs more description. Whilst I'm reading I never ...

Hi there! I like the mystery here, good work there. However, there are a few bugging elements that I feel must be addressed. Firstly: I dare a glance in my ...

Hey there! Wow, I haven't been on YWS for such a long time! Anyway, to the story at hand. I thought you did a good job of capturing the feelings ...

Hi there. And that makes three of us. The first paragraph. Very confusing indeed. I think re-think that, and make it flow better with the direction of your story. Not ...

Hi there! Tomm here to comment. Okay, this is very well written. I'm just hoping that your, "Cliffhanger." Is something BIG. And worth the wait. For the most part. I ...

Hi there. I did like this, but I also got a bit lost in the middle there. Was it a flashback? Or was she just remembering past events? I just ...

Hey there. This is really wacky. (But in a good way!) I love the original plot. Fantastic. But why does the fish not like the, "Horrible dystopia." I think you ...

Hi. I really liked this story. But I didn't get much for the surroundings. Where are they? Whats a "ground car." I'm sure you all get it here but for ...

Hi there! Ah, the classic story of love in school. Although this was very well written. I do have one thing to say. As I was reading, I was just ...

Hi there. I agree with ASH. There are a few holes in this story but there more like pin pricks in paper, than a volcano's crater... In other words they ...