timjim77

Wow. This made you feel like you knew the land, and loved it yourself. It's late, so I can't critique it properly. I'll be sure to come back.

Flaws have been corrected. Thanks a lot. That was a helpful critique.

Hmmm. ok. Seems like something real, maybe. Just a soundbyte really. K.

While you touch on a good topic, I felt the whole thing was a little two dimentional. That was pretty much the idea.

Hey! You already posted this in song lyrics! Nice work again.

I think "sun" was a poor choice for a word. Every line in it fell short of the others. Very good otherwise.

Eh, not much to critique. Unsubstantial as a poem. I'd say scratch it and start anew.

Dang, I thought boyfriend at first, but I thought maybe it wasn't that obvious. Oh well. It was the finger thing that threw me off.

Grammatical point: have bleeded should be have bled. Unless, of course, you're PysLynx and you do whatever the hell you please.

Poetry is a candle, and prose is a fire in the hearth. We do not need a candle to be bright if we have many. Short and sweet is good, ...

Is this a narrative poem? No. You didn't put much effort into this poem, and you didn't put much effort into putting it in the right place. Uh oh. I'm ...

Beautiful song to your mother. Liked it very much. Especially "If all the baby blues seem to fuse/ I will forget the spoken word" and "Our love is like a ...

Why are people always waking up in songs? And why is it always "another day"?

Excellent, except for one line: "And something wicked that way goes." didn't really fit, and kind of threw off the story. It sounds like the beginning of a narrative, so ...

Thanks for the comments. The battle within myself was real. Very good observation.