Published January 31, 2006
On top of the world
The grass grows green
I look at clouds pearled
Things I have never seen
You turn crazy
Into a whirl
Blowing a daisy
On top of the world
See the sun
In our sky
On the run
Up,
Up,
High
On top of the world
The grass grows green
I dance and am twirled
Happy I am, you have seen
Crazy you are
My beautiful sky
Moon and star
Kiss my guy
Night at last
All at home
We look far past
Our worldly dome
Spinning fast
We’re gone going
Facing past
Finally we’re slowing
On top of the world
I have been
I have seen
I have twirled
I have whirled
I have loved
I have hated
I have lain
On the ground
And seen the world
Upside down
~*OJ*~
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,257 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
...
I liked the peom but I'm not sure what it's about
. I'll probably understand it better if you explain it to me. I'm not very good with poetry.
I would have liked the 'Up Up' in one line and then in the forth line 'high'.I guess its long and simple,though its good.
...
I think you probably should have put this into lyrical, because, although you WROTE it from mulitple points of view, the poem is from one point of view. Yu still could have approached that a little nicer, Timjim.
I sort of like this poem, but I don't know what you are trying to convey with it, it doesn't really have a story with it. Some of it seems almost random babbling.
I like how you keep coming back to this grassy place... It's almost like a metaphor.
This line seems awkward and make no sense. The rest of it sounds... fitting though... These are the only 2 lines i'd change.
...
Is this a narrative poem? No. You didn't put much effort into this poem, and you didn't put much effort into putting it in the right place. Uh oh. I'm sure you have better work than this.