timjim77

Your rhymes are forced. (See: ...I wish to abhor/....walk out the door) The title promised more than the poem gave. Your meter is actually not so bad, but you get ...

This is Just To Say: Quite clever, well-done in the form. The lining is good, punctuation is fine, doesn't distract. "But I didn't love you" IS the poem, do nothing ...

The image is whimsical and much to my taste. I think this poem could be improved by giving a bit more attention to meter. This poem has no set meter, ...

Certainly the format is eye-catching. Almost echoes a fall. nice. "tears start to fall from you like me from the sky" This doesn't quite work. The image is awkward in ...

swines: swine's glutens: gluttons There is an interesting thought here. A bit underdeveloped and uneven. You have chosen a setting for this poem, but it doesn't seem to have truly ...

- Don't use 'larger than life' to describe the perspective of life. Right? - 'Slightest disruption': instead, give us an image of that slight disruption. - 'into my vision': Vision ...

Ok: "War, Fare." No, Way. The separation of those words doesn't make sense. Or any of the others. - Yes, blood and war go hand in hand. As do cliches ...

I liked the chorus-like nature of the 'This is' sections. The commas-question mark combination leaves a lot to be desired. Are you asking a question, or asking a question an ...

Ok, so we start out with Ludacris, and end with a confession. I'm confused. -First, spell check. Despicable, not dispicibal. And, not nd. - Wait/weight works on (0) levels. Sometimes ...

I found this poem quite interesting. - Fantastic imagery. - The voice and tone of the poem sounded weary. I'm not sure this is what was intended, and you may ...

- "There" should be their - BOOM! doesn't need to look like that. - "You can hear the click, click, click of that dead engine, A damp body dances through ...

- Read your poem without the second stanza and without "Will I ever see your face again?" and I think you will be surprised. - Consider using some periods. Crashed. ...

- The letter is so snarky that it makes it difficult to read. If you reread your story without the letter, I think you find it only improves it. - ...

Hmmm, well, yes, I suppose. But no one likes homework attached to a poem, now do they? I understand this was an assignment. I'd say you did a bang-up job ...

A comment on your intro. I feel that one of the beauties of poetry is its capacity to refine raw emotion and edify it. See, emotion is personal. But you ...