I found this poem quite interesting.
- Fantastic imagery.
- The voice and tone of the poem sounded weary. I'm not sure this is what was intended, and you may consider revising in sections to help improve the rhythm.
- Your word choice in sections is great, and in others is lackluster. But even more is the sort of colloquial phrases that have slipped in. "Killed him off", "live on her own", "hard to believe", these phrases are all acceptable in normal discourse, but in the context of your poem, especially because of its mystical imagery, they seem out of place.
- The second stanza doesn't seem necessary.
- The fourth stanza is by far the best. Take that as your model in revision.
Points: 890
Reviews: 212
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