Published August 16, 2008
enough, never we have
enough, shouting in the swine's face
enough, rings through the halls of gluttons
enough, dies with the peasants who don't have any.
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Canary word: Present
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
timjim's right. There's something here, but it's a little empty and dry. That first line was the strongest by far, but the rest really didn't support it. You need more imagery. Try to convey the feeling of having enough...
Glad to see a new member! See ya around?
EDIT: Oh, and remember the 2:1 ratio. For every 2 reviews, you can post 1 piece of yours. That way things run smoothly.
welcome new member!!! lol I dunno why I said that. Anyways it's short so there's nothing really to crit about it. But ah I guess it's understandable kinda?
Hello Grant!
I see you are a new member.
Welcome to YWS.
You have an idea here, (obviously) but you need to give us more as readers.
We are craving your interesting facts and way with words.
If you need some help please feel free to chat me up anytime.
swines: swine's
glutens: gluttons
There is an interesting thought here. A bit underdeveloped and uneven. You have chosen a setting for this poem, but it doesn't seem to have truly deserved one for its brevity. I would either expand your approach to enough, or develop a reason for the setting a bit more.
How do you ring silently? While the language does convey something, it might be an empty image, rather than a profound one.
All in all, the first line, with its fractured structure and ear-catching strangeness, is the strongest. perhaps you can explore the different aspects of enough, as in the lack of it, and the use of the word when one cannot bear the injustice any longer. Just a thought.