thehobbitgangster

I really liked the emotion that you portrayed in this song. It could be a great slow pop song. Or it could be fast, whichever way you feel like it. ...

First off, please, please separate the chorus out into a stanza-looking thing. It makes it soo much easier to read and if it is in the block paragraph it's difficult ...

Aw, this song was sad and sweet at the same time. I could definitely see it as a country song, acoustic or pop-ish. I think it was cool to see ...

hey, so the bridge seems to be in the correct place. What I think is interesting about this song is the two choruses. I like because I think it allows ...

Hey, so I have just a couple things for you. Number one: dieing should be "dying" Number two: the line "But I'll never tell how it's hard to get along" ...

Hey, so this poem did seem to tell a story, but whose was it? The old man or the person on the beach? It had good parts and not so ...

Firstly, I thought this poem had very vivid imagery. Specifically the bits related to the saltwater tears were very good. My favorite part of the poem was the very last ...

I agree that this poem developed an interesting pattern. Nitpicks: in line one, "fariytale" should be fairytale. in the second line from the end, "Romance is a undefined force" should ...

This was so moving and beautiful. I especially liked the lines, "As I lay my broken heart to sleep, I prayed your life would be yours to keep." Those lines ...

Overall good job! I really enjoyed the chorus, really because of the awesome rhyme that was "not trying to own" and "toblerone". Speaking of rhymes some didn't go amazingly well ...

Whew, that was pretty suspenseful. My only suggestions, aside from a few typos, is that you separate the humongous paragraphs a little. Makes it a smidgeon easier to read, so ...

This story really did seem to start fast and got faster as it went along. Because the whole beginning seemed so much like a scene from Aladdin I got a ...

So, I really liked the whole theme of the forest in these lyrics. The one line I didn't understand was at the very end of verse 1. Where did the ...

This was a good start for a poem. I agree with the above comments about starting sentences with "I" to often. Change it up! You don't want to bore the ...

Yeah, so I agree with Snoink. It would be incredibly helpful to organize your lyrics into stanzas and show where the chorus is or a bridge. This way too the ...