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Re: The Lucky One
Hey there! Reading this came to great difficulty as there isn’t much of a structure to it which also stopped the piece from flowing as well as it should. The ...
Jan 3, 2012 -
Re: Being Alone
Hey there! At times this piece could be a little confusing and I had to go back and make sense of it myself, however it was beautifully written and quite ...
Dec 29, 2011 -
Re: The Siren's Story- Chapter 1
Hey! This is truly great I can not wait for the next chapter! I haven't read much fantasy in recent months on here, but from looking around this story is ...
Dec 29, 2011 -
Re: Borrowing Is for Losers
Howdy there! I think this is really good and cleverly written! Just a few nitpicks In my opinion never start a sentence with 'and'. Just my opinion but it weakens ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: Epiphany
Howdy there! Just one thing I'll say if you are going to use punctuation don't just put comma's in, you need full stops. There is a huge difference in the ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: An Introduction
Howdy there! I think this is really good! Nice and simple! Good idea and you haven't made it complex for yourself! Very cute to be honest. I love the layout, ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: mortally transformed
Howdy there! Just a few nitpicks. One thing I will say is, it is all one big paragraph, that is a lot to take for the readers so I would ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: I Have Everything But Love
Howdy there! I think this is really good, just a few nitpicks though. I think you could use better words, try using a thesaurus? I am touched and kissed This ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: Beauty Pageant Conflicts (Overdress and Express)
Howdy there! I also agree with your view! I was watching Friends earlier today and one of the main characters entered her child for a baby pageant. I think it's ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: Hanging by a Thread
Howdy there! This is a really good poem; I really like it! The words you have used are as well, very beautiful! I love the layout it stands out and ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: Shipwrecked Love
Howdy there! This is really good. Just one thing I'd say is you've put in one comma throughout the whole of your poem and no full stops. As a reader ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: Take away the pain
Howdy there! Wow. This is really heart felt. I love your use of enjambment to help the flow. Just a couple of things though. 1) You may want to use ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: One Step Closer Chapter 1 part 2
Howdy there! Just a few nitpicks I think you mean doctor. Also, do you have brain surgery to cure blindness? I called my eye docotr and told him that I ...
Jun 17, 2011 -
Re: One day
Howdy there! I think this is pretty good but some of the rhyming sounds forced. Although you may feel more comfortable doing a rhyming poem it isn't necessary and in ...
Jun 16, 2011 -
Re: deleted
Howdy there! I think this is fabulously written and your topic is very specific which is very good for lyrics. I think it is one, surprisingly that many people will ...
Jun 16, 2011
